In this episode, relationship and marriage expert Todd Creager talks about overcoming our instinct to protect ourselves and retreat, and instead find a place in our relationship where we can have both safety and adventure. This is the courageous relationship.
successful relationships
Episode 6: Sexuality Through the Years
Sexuality is an important aspect for us throughout our lives. Listen to this episode to see how it evolves through the decades. I cover the transitions of life before kids, through kids, physiological changes, on up to maintaining a sexual connection with your partner past the 80s! I’ve included some tips to help the transitions through the many happy years to come.
Todd Creager is a renowned sex expert and marriage therapist in Orange County specializing in intimacy, building a maintaining a strong sexual connection, and overcoming obstacles like infidelity.
To speak with Todd further about sex therapy, contact him at (714) 848-2288 from the Newport Beach/Coast, Laguna Beach, Huntington Beach, Irvine and Corona del Mar areas.
3 Feelings Couples Experience in a Successful Relationship
We have a whole range of feelings that we experience throughout our days as well as with our partner. However, there are three feelings I can think of that happy couples feel a lot.
The first one I will mention is courage. Actually courage is an essential feeling to get us to take the action necessary to create a happy, vibrant relationship. With courage, you try new things with your partner in and out of the bedroom. With courage, you reveal your inner world to your partner and are interested in your partner’s. This leads to the feelings of closeness and positive intensity that makes relationships come alive.
Secondly, there are feelings of security. Joy, pleasure, vulnerability and deep connection occurs in an atmosphere of safety and trust. Being faithful, having no secrets, making it safe to express feelings even painful ones and being cooperative “teammates” all contribute to feelings of security between the partners.
Lastly, there are feelings of excitement. When you utilize your courage in an atmosphere of security, it allows for ever-new experiences. You both plan out your life to have fun activities that you both look forward to. In addition, you can be spontaneous with each other as you have interactions that could be stimulating, humorous and pleasurable. There is an element of playfulness that keeps the relationship fresh as well as exciting.
If you are not experiencing these feelings on some consistent basis, this can almost always change. Typically it is the old patterns of thinking, speaking and behaving that block us from the interpersonal creativeness it takes to experience our courage, feelings of security and excitement. As many of you know, I have worked with couples that have had deep wounds such as infidelity. And yes, there are ways to heal and experience the positive emotions that I have discussed here even in these relationships. I have seen couples create relationships that allow for these positive feelings over and over again. So, look forward, be creative and make it happen!
Little Ways to Make a Long-term Relationship Feel Youthful and New
As the author of my first book, “The Long Hot Marriage,” I was implying that long-term marriages could be passionate and alive. We all know (and maybe some know all too well), that as a relationship continues, patterns, regularity and consistency set in. Some of that is good but it could lead to boredom and an “energetic aging” of the relationship.
We need to put energy into our relationship to keep it new and fresh and I will say- even youthful. I worked out today and I work out consistently and my 57-year old body feels pretty youthful- at least for the moment! The same can happen for your relationship.
Here are 5 things you can do to keep your relationship youthful and new:
1) Bring out your sexiness. I don’t care how old you are, how fit you are, etc. Wherever you are at, bring out your sexy! Wear something sexy, act sexy and talk sexy (to your partner I mean).
2) Flirt with your partner. Send a flirtatious text maybe even if it is the first thing in the morning upon awakening, (even if your partner is lying next to you).
3) Take turns planning a date once a week; one week you and one week your partner.
4) Take dance lessons and go dancing with your partner. This is almost guaranteed to keep your relationship young.
5) Kiss and make out a lot.
Do these 5 things consistently and you will never get relationship atherosclerosis!