Trauma

EMDR Therapy for Trauma: How It Works and Who It Helps

October 14, 2026 by Todd Creager Leave a Comment

KEY TAKEAWAYS

If you’re considering EMDR therapy for trauma, or just trying to understand what it is, here’s the core of it:

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a therapy specifically designed to help the brain finish processing a traumatic memory so it stops replaying on a loop.
Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR doesn’t require reliving every detail of a traumatic event out loud.
It’s used for a wide range of trauma — childhood wounds, betrayal trauma, accidents, and other overwhelming experiences — not just combat-related PTSD.
Many people notice symptoms easing faster with EMDR than with talk therapy alone, because it works with how the brain actually stores traumatic memory.

Hi — I’m Todd Creager, a marriage therapist and certified EMDR practitioner. If you’ve heard the term EMDR and wondered whether it’s legitimate, whether it’s strange, or whether it could actually help you, I want to walk you through what it is, what a session feels like, and why I use EMDR therapy for trauma in so much of the work I do.

Trauma isn’t only what happened in combat or a major accident. In my practice, I see it in betrayed partners, in people carrying childhood wounds decades old, in anyone whose sense of safety took a direct hit. EMDR is one of the most effective tools I have for helping the brain actually finish processing what happened.

What EMDR Therapy Actually Is — and Why It’s Different From Talk Therapy

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. In plain terms: it’s a structured therapy that uses bilateral stimulation — usually guided eye movements, though sometimes taps or tones — while you briefly focus on a traumatic memory, to help your brain finish processing it the way it would have naturally, if the trauma hadn’t overwhelmed that process in the first place.

The key difference from talk therapy is that EMDR doesn’t require you to narrate every detail of what happened, over and over, out loud. Traditional talk therapy processes trauma primarily through language. EMDR works more directly with how the brain stores the memory itself — which is often why people who’ve been in talk therapy for years without relief see real movement with EMDR.

What surprises people most: EMDR isn’t about erasing the memory. You’ll still remember what happened. What changes is the emotional charge attached to it — the difference between a memory that hijacks your nervous system and one you can recall without it taking over your body.

What an EMDR Session Actually Feels Like

People often expect something dramatic or strange, and I understand why — the eye movements can look unusual from the outside. In practice, most clients describe it as intense but manageable, and often describe a real sense of relief afterward, even after a single session.

A session typically starts with identifying a specific memory or trigger to target, along with the negative belief attached to it — something like “I’m not safe” or “I can’t trust anyone.” From there, we work through sets of bilateral stimulation while you notice what comes up — images, sensations, other memories — without needing to narrate it all verbally.

What most people don’t expect: it’s common for unrelated memories to surface during a session, seemingly out of nowhere. This isn’t a distraction from the work — it’s often the brain making connections it needs to make. A skilled EMDR therapist knows how to work with this rather than steering you back to a rigid script.

Who EMDR Therapy for Trauma Helps — and When It’s Not Enough on Its Own

EMDR is well known for treating combat-related PTSD, but in my practice, I use it just as often for betrayal trauma after infidelity, childhood trauma and family-of-origin wounds, accidents, and any experience that left someone with a shattered sense of safety.

In couples work specifically, unresolved individual trauma often shows up as relationship patterns — hypervigilance, shutdown reactions, difficulty trusting even a safe partner. Addressing the underlying trauma directly, rather than only working on communication skills, is often what actually shifts these patterns long-term.

I’ll also be honest about its limits: EMDR is powerful, but it’s not a replacement for the relational work couples often need alongside it, and it’s not right for every situation or every person’s readiness level. A good therapist will assess whether it’s the right fit before diving in, rather than treating it as a universal fix.

What to Do Next

If you think EMDR might help you, here’s where to start:

Notice whether you have a specific memory or trigger that still carries a strong emotional charge, even years later.
Consider whether talk therapy alone has felt like it’s circling the same ground without real relief.
Grab my free guide on the core keys to healing from trauma before your first session.
Reach out for a consultation — not every situation needs EMDR specifically, and a conversation first helps clarify the right approach.

Your first step: download my free guide, 5 Keys to Healing from Trauma, or book a free consultation to talk through whether EMDR is the right fit for you.

Trauma that hasn’t been fully processed doesn’t just fade with time — but it can genuinely resolve with the right approach. I offer EMDR therapy for trauma in my Huntington Beach office and virtually, for individuals and as part of couples work.

For the core keys to healing from trauma before your first session, grab my free guide below.

Revitalize Your Life: Instant Access to Your Trauma Healing Blueprint

Access the Essential Steps You Need to Move Beyond Trauma and Reclaim Joy in Your Life

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What is EMDR therapy?

A: EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a structured therapy that uses bilateral stimulation, like guided eye movements, to help the brain finish processing a traumatic memory so it stops replaying on a loop.

Q: Does EMDR really work?

A: Many people experience faster symptom relief with EMDR than with talk therapy alone, because it works directly with how the brain stores traumatic memory rather than processing it primarily through language.

Q: Do I have to talk about my trauma in detail during EMDR?

A: No. Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR doesn’t require narrating every detail of a traumatic event out loud, which is often why people who felt stuck in talk therapy see movement with EMDR.

Q: Is EMDR only for combat-related PTSD?

A: No. While it’s well known for treating combat PTSD, EMDR is also used for betrayal trauma after infidelity, childhood wounds, accidents, and any experience that left a person’s sense of safety shattered.

What Does EMDR Feel Like? A Session Walkthrough

October 14, 2026 by Todd Creager Leave a Comment

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Wondering what EMDR feels like? If you’re nervous about your first session, here’s what actually happens:

Most clients describe EMDR as intense but manageable — not painful, and often followed by real relief even after one session.
A session starts by identifying a specific memory and the negative belief attached to it, not by retelling the whole story.
You don’t need to narrate every detail out loud — you simply notice what comes up during sets of bilateral stimulation.
It’s common and normal for unrelated memories or sensations to surface — this is the brain doing its work, not a distraction from it.

“What’s it actually like?” is the question I hear most before someone’s first EMDR session — usually right after “Is it going to hurt?” I’m Todd Creager, and I want to walk you through what EMDR feels like in a real session, from start to finish, so you’re not walking in blind.

Before the Eye Movements Start

A session doesn’t begin with bilateral stimulation — it begins with identifying what we’re actually going to work on. That means naming a specific memory or trigger, along with the negative belief attached to it, something like “I’m not safe” or “I can’t trust anyone.”

We also identify what you’d like to believe instead — a positive belief to work toward, like “I’m safe now” — and check in on your current emotional and physical distress level. This grounding matters; it gives us a clear before-and-after to track, and it means you’re never walking into the processing part unprepared.

What most people don’t expect: this setup phase can feel almost anticlimactic compared to what they imagined. That’s intentional. The goal isn’t drama — it’s precision, so the actual processing has something specific to work with.

What EMDR Feels Like During the Bilateral Stimulation

Once we begin, you’ll follow a guided movement — typically your eyes tracking side to side, though tapping or tones work too — while briefly holding the memory in mind. Then we pause, and I ask what you noticed: an image, a sensation, a thought, sometimes nothing dramatic at all.

You don’t need to describe the memory in detail or narrate a story. You’re reporting what surfaces, briefly, and then we continue. Many clients describe this part as surprisingly less verbal than they expected — more like watching something shift internally than talking it through.

It’s common for the mind to associate to other, seemingly unrelated memories during this process. A session that starts on a specific argument might surface something from childhood that shares the same emotional theme. This isn’t off-track — it’s often exactly where the real work is.

What EMDR Feels Like Afterward — and Why It’s Different From Talking It Out

Most clients describe feeling tired afterward, sometimes surprisingly emotional, and often lighter — like something that was stuck has started to move. It’s common to feel a bit raw for the rest of the day, similar to how you might feel after a good, hard cry.

This is different from what talk therapy tends to leave you with. Talk therapy processes primarily through language and insight; EMDR works with the memory itself, which is why the relief can feel more physical and immediate rather than purely intellectual.

I’ll be honest: not every session produces a dramatic shift, and healing from real trauma is rarely one-and-done. But most clients notice measurable change in how a memory feels to touch — less charge, less hijacking — within a handful of sessions, which is often faster than years of talk therapy alone produced.

What to Do Next

Now that you know what EMDR feels like, here’s how to prepare for a first session:

Identify, loosely, one memory or pattern that still carries a strong charge — you don’t need the perfect words for it yet.
Expect the first session to include setup and history, not diving straight into processing.
Plan some downtime afterward — many people feel tired or emotionally raw for the rest of the day.
Don’t expect one session to resolve everything — real change typically builds over several sessions.

Your first step: book a free consultation to talk through whether EMDR fits what you’re carrying, before committing to a full session.

Knowing what EMDR feels like tends to lower the anxiety around a first session significantly. If you’re ready to see whether it’s right for you, I offer sessions in my Huntington Beach office and virtually. For the full picture, my complete guide to EMDR therapy for trauma walks through how it works and who it helps.

Revitalize Your Life: Instant Access to Your Trauma Healing Blueprint

Access the Essential Steps You Need to Move Beyond Trauma and Reclaim Joy in Your Life

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Does EMDR hurt or feel uncomfortable?

A: It’s not physically painful, though it can feel emotionally intense as memories are processed. Most clients describe it as manageable and often followed by real relief, even after a single session.

Q: Do I have to talk about my trauma in detail during EMDR?

A: No. You report brief impressions — images, sensations, thoughts — as they surface during bilateral stimulation, rather than narrating a full detailed story out loud.

Q: How many EMDR sessions does it take to see results?

A: It varies by person and the trauma being addressed, but many people notice a measurable shift in how a memory feels within a handful of sessions, often faster than years of talk therapy alone.

Q: Is it normal for unrelated memories to come up during EMDR?

A: Yes, very normal. The brain often makes connections to other memories that share an emotional theme, and this is typically part of the productive work rather than a distraction from it.

EMDR vs Talk Therapy: What’s Actually Different

October 14, 2026 by Todd Creager Leave a Comment

KEY TAKEAWAYS

EMDR vs talk therapy isn’t a competition — they work with trauma differently. Here’s the real comparison:

Talk therapy processes experience primarily through language and insight; EMDR works more directly with how the brain stores traumatic memory.
People who’ve felt stuck in talk therapy for years sometimes see faster movement with EMDR, especially for memory-specific trauma.
Talk therapy tends to be better suited for ongoing relational patterns and general life challenges; EMDR is especially effective for specific traumatic memories or triggers.
The two aren’t either/or — many people, and many of Todd’s clients, benefit from both at different points.

I get asked constantly whether EMDR is “better” than talk therapy, as if it’s a competition. I’m Todd Creager, and the honest answer on EMDR vs talk therapy is that they do different jobs — and understanding the difference helps you know which one you actually need right now.

How EMDR and Talk Therapy Actually Work in the Brain

Talk therapy works primarily through language — you describe what happened, explore patterns, gain insight, and build new understanding through conversation over time. It’s powerful for exploring relational dynamics, building self-awareness, and working through ongoing life challenges.

EMDR works more directly with how a traumatic memory is stored in the brain. Trauma researchers describe traumatic memories as sometimes getting “stuck” in a raw, unprocessed form — which is why they can resurface with the same emotional intensity years later, as if no time has passed. EMDR’s bilateral stimulation appears to help the brain complete the processing that trauma interrupted.

What surprises people most: this isn’t just a difference in technique, it’s a difference in what each approach is built to target. Talk therapy is broad and exploratory. EMDR is precise and memory-specific.

When Each Approach Tends to Help Most

Talk therapy tends to shine for ongoing relational patterns, life transitions, general anxiety or low mood, and situations where insight and skill-building are the primary need — learning to communicate differently, understanding a recurring pattern, processing an ongoing situation.

EMDR tends to shine for specific traumatic memories or triggers that carry a strong, seemingly disproportionate emotional charge — a moment of betrayal, a childhood incident, an accident, anything where a particular memory hijacks your nervous system in the present.

In my own practice, I often see the clearest results when clients have already done meaningful talk therapy and still feel stuck on something specific — that’s frequently the exact moment EMDR moves what talking alone couldn’t.

Why EMDR vs Talk Therapy Isn’t Actually Either/Or

Many of my clients do both, often in the same course of treatment — talk therapy for the ongoing relational and communication work, EMDR for the specific memories that keep resurfacing regardless of how much insight has been gained about them.

I’ve seen couples make real progress in talk therapy on communication skills, while one partner’s individual EMDR work resolves the trauma response that kept sabotaging those very conversations. Neither approach alone got them all the way there.

If you’re not sure which you need, that’s a completely reasonable place to start from — a good therapist can help assess whether what you’re carrying is more insight-and-pattern work, more memory-specific trauma work, or genuinely both.

What to Do Next

If you’re trying to decide between the two, ask yourself:

Is there a specific memory or trigger that still carries an outsized emotional charge? That leans toward EMDR.
Is it more about an ongoing pattern, communication style, or general life challenge? That leans toward talk therapy.
Have you already done talk therapy and still feel stuck on something specific? EMDR may be the missing piece.
Not sure? A consultation can help clarify which approach — or both — fits your situation.

Your first step: book a free consultation to talk through which approach fits what you’re dealing with.

Neither approach is inherently better — they’re built for different jobs. If you want help figuring out which one you need, I offer both talk therapy and EMDR, in my Huntington Beach office and virtually. For more on how EMDR works and who it helps, my complete guide to EMDR therapy for trauma walks through it.

Revitalize Your Life: Instant Access to Your Trauma Healing Blueprint

Access the Essential Steps You Need to Move Beyond Trauma and Reclaim Joy in Your Life

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Is EMDR more effective than talk therapy?

A: Neither is universally more effective — they target different things. EMDR tends to work faster on specific traumatic memories, while talk therapy is often better suited for ongoing relational patterns and general insight-building.

Q: Can I do both EMDR and talk therapy?

A: Yes, and many people benefit from doing both, often in the same course of treatment, addressing different needs — relational patterns through talk therapy and specific traumatic memories through EMDR.

Q: Why didn’t talk therapy help my trauma?

A: Talk therapy processes experience primarily through language, which can leave certain deeply stored traumatic memories untouched. EMDR works more directly with how those specific memories are stored, which is why it sometimes succeeds where talk therapy alone didn’t.

Q: How do I know if I need EMDR specifically?

A: A strong sign is having a specific memory or trigger that still carries a disproportionate emotional charge, regardless of how much you’ve talked about it or understood it intellectually.

How Unresolved Trauma Affects Your Relationships

October 14, 2026 by Todd Creager Leave a Comment

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Unresolved trauma affects relationships in specific, recognizable ways — it rarely stays in the past:

Unresolved trauma commonly shows up as hypervigilance, shutdown reactions, or difficulty trusting even a genuinely safe partner.
These patterns aren’t character flaws or relationship failures — they’re a nervous system still protecting itself from an old threat.
Partners of someone carrying unresolved trauma often personalize reactions that are actually about the old wound, not about them.
Addressing the underlying trauma directly tends to shift relationship patterns more effectively than communication skills alone.

“Why do I react like this when nothing’s actually wrong?” is one of the most common questions I hear in my office — usually asked by someone who’s already tried to reason their way out of a pattern that keeps happening anyway. I’m Todd Creager, and the answer is often unresolved trauma, showing up in a relationship it was never really about. Here’s how trauma affects relationships, and what actually helps.

The Relationship Patterns Unresolved Trauma Actually Creates

Hypervigilance is one of the most common — scanning a partner’s tone, expression, or timing for danger signs, even when nothing is actually wrong. It’s exhausting for the person experiencing it and confusing for a partner who feels like they’re constantly walking on eggshells for no clear reason.

Shutdown reactions show up as withdrawing or going numb during conflict or intimacy, not because the person doesn’t care, but because their nervous system is protecting them the way it learned to during the original trauma. And trust issues — struggling to believe a genuinely trustworthy partner, or needing constant reassurance that never quite lands — often trace back to an earlier betrayal or wound, not to anything the current partner is actually doing.

What most people don’t realize is how specific these patterns often are. Someone might function well in most of life and still have one particular relational trigger — a certain tone of voice, a certain kind of silence — that reliably activates an old trauma response.

Why This Isn’t a Character Flaw — or a Reflection on Your Partner

These patterns aren’t evidence of a bad relationship or a broken person. They’re a nervous system doing exactly what it learned to do to survive an earlier threat — the problem is that the response doesn’t know the threat has passed.

This matters for both partners. For the person carrying the trauma, understanding this can reduce the shame that often comes with reactions that feel disproportionate or embarrassing. For the partner on the receiving end, it helps to know the reaction is frequently about an old wound, not a verdict on them or the relationship.

I see this misunderstanding cause real damage in relationships — partners personalizing a trauma response as rejection or distrust, when it’s actually an old alarm system misfiring in a new, safer context.

How to Shift the Way Trauma Affects Your Relationship

Naming the pattern out loud, together, is often the first real shift — “this is my trauma response, not about you” changes how a partner receives it, and reduces the shame that keeps the cycle going for the person carrying it.

Communication skills help at the surface level, but in my experience, addressing the underlying trauma directly — often through EMDR — tends to shift these patterns more durably than learning new conversation techniques alone. You can’t out-communicate a nervous system that’s still bracing for an old threat.

This is exactly where individual trauma work and couples work meet. I often see the best results when a partner does individual trauma processing alongside the couple’s relational work — each piece supporting the other rather than trying to fix a nervous-system pattern with communication tools alone.

What to Do Next

If you recognize how trauma affects relationships in your own life, here’s where to start:

Notice which specific triggers — a tone, a silence, a type of moment — tend to activate the strongest reaction.
Name the pattern out loud with your partner: “this is an old response, not about you right now.”
Consider whether the underlying trauma, not just the relationship pattern, needs direct attention.
If communication skills alone haven’t shifted it, that’s a sign to look at the trauma underneath.

Your first step: book a free consultation to talk through whether individual trauma work could help your relationship patterns.

These patterns can shift — but usually by addressing what’s underneath them, not just the behavior on the surface. I offer both individual EMDR work and couples therapy, in my Huntington Beach office and virtually. For more on how EMDR resolves trauma, my complete guide to EMDR therapy for trauma walks through it.

Revitalize Your Life: Instant Access to Your Trauma Healing Blueprint

Access the Essential Steps You Need to Move Beyond Trauma and Reclaim Joy in Your Life

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Why do I overreact to small things in my relationship?

A: This is often a trauma response — the nervous system reacting to a current moment as if it were an old threat. It’s not a character flaw, and it’s a pattern that can shift with the right support.

Q: How does childhood trauma affect relationships in adulthood?

A: Yes, very commonly. Childhood trauma often shows up as hypervigilance, shutdown reactions, or trust issues in adult relationships, even when the current partner has done nothing to cause them.

Q: How do I stop shutting down during conflict with my partner?

A: Shutdown reactions are typically a nervous-system protection response, not a choice. Addressing the underlying trauma directly, often through therapy like EMDR, tends to shift this more effectively than trying to will it away.

Q: Should my partner and I do individual therapy or couples therapy for this?

A: Often both, at the same time. Individual trauma work can resolve the nervous-system pattern, while couples work addresses how it’s been showing up between you — each supports the other.

IFS and EMDR: Why Combining Them Heals Trauma Faster

October 6, 2026 by Todd Creager Leave a Comment

Key Takeaways

Combining IFS and EMDR for Faster Trauma Healing

IFS (Internal Family Systems) helps you understand the protective parts of you that guard your deepest wounds, while EMDR reprocesses the traumatic memories those wounds are built on.
EMDR alone sometimes stalls because protective parts aren’t ready to let you go to the deeper wound. You might go blank or dissociate mid-session, and that’s the system saying “not yet.”
When IFS creates safety first and EMDR does the reprocessing second, parts that have carried the same wound for decades can finally put it down.

I’ve been working with EMDR longer than almost any other approach in my practice, and it works fabulously. Except when it doesn’t. Sometimes a client sits down, we go toward the traumatic memory, and everything stalls. They go blank. They drift away. Nothing moves.

For years, therapists treated that as resistance. It isn’t. It’s protection.

That distinction is the reason I now combine EMDR with Internal Family Systems, and it’s the reason my clients heal faster than they did with either approach alone. If you’ve tried trauma therapy and felt stuck, or you’re a betrayed partner who can’t move past the discovery no matter how hard you try, this is for you.

Let me walk you through how the two approaches work together.

What IFS and EMDR Each Do for Trauma

IFS gives us clear language for something we all sense about ourselves: we’re made up of different parts. There are wounded parts, the ones that made us feel unsafe, inadequate, unlovable, or abandoned as children. We call these exiles, because they’ve been exiled to a corner of our psyche. And there are protective parts whose whole job is to make sure we never feel that pain again.

Here’s a quick example. Someone who was abandoned as a child may keep picking partners who are emotionally safe but not very stimulating. There’s a protective part saying, “I’m not going to let you experience that abandonment again, so I’ll pick somebody who may not excite you but won’t leave you.” The protector means well. It’s also running the show.

IFS also teaches that we all have a self, the best version of us, with the capacity to be calm, connected, courageous, curious, and compassionate. Healing happens when that self builds a relationship with the parts.

EMDR, which stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, does something different. When we’re stuck in a memory, EMDR helps the brain reprocess it so it can get filed where it belongs. The charge comes down. The past stays in the past, and the memory stops hijacking your system every time your partner raises their voice or doesn’t come through.

One approach builds the relationship. The other releases the burden. And that’s exactly why they belong together.

Why EMDR Stalls Without Parts Work

When EMDR stops working mid-process, it’s almost always because a protective part isn’t ready for you to go to the deeper wound. The system doesn’t feel safe enough to go there yet, so the protector shuts it down. You go blank. You dissociate. The memory won’t budge.

I see this constantly with betrayed partners. Maybe the person who did the betraying is genuinely working on themselves, things are getting better at home, and yet the betrayed partner can’t move past the initial discovery of the infidelity. If we go straight to reprocessing that memory, it usually won’t work. So instead we get curious. What’s the protective part here, and what is it afraid would happen if it stepped aside?

Often it’s a part that says, “If I let go of this, I’m treating myself like it doesn’t matter.” Or, “If I move past it, I’m letting my partner off the hook, and that’s not okay.” Those aren’t irrational thoughts. They’re a protector doing its job with the only tools it has.

What most people miss, including plenty of clinicians, is that blocking is information, and it deserves respect rather than a workaround. When we befriend that protective part, understand what it’s protecting and why, and help it unburden its overprotective role, it gives us permission. Only then does the deeper work open up. Without that relationship between self and protector, nothing moves. I mean that literally in the clinical sense: the relationship matters more than the technique.

The Sequence That Lets Old Wounds Finally Release

Here’s the part I find most satisfying to watch. Even after beautiful parts work, sometimes the wound still doesn’t let go. You’ve met the exile. You’re sitting with it. You feel compassion for what it’s carrying. And your nervous system still fires the same alarm the next time something echoes the original hurt.

That’s not a failure of the parts work. That’s where EMDR comes in.

The exile is the part that experienced the trauma, and it’s still holding the memory with all its original charge. EMDR goes to that specific memory and helps the brain reprocess it. IFS created the safety and got the protectors to step aside in a creative, compassionate way. EMDR then does the reprocessing that releases what the exile has been holding, sometimes for decades.

The sequence matters. Safety first, release second. Run it in the other order and the protectors will block you. Skip the parts work entirely and you may spend session after session going nowhere, wondering if you’re somehow bad at therapy. You’re not. Your system was protecting you, and it needed to be heard before it would let you heal.

When both pieces are in place, I’ve watched people put down wounds they’d carried their whole adult lives. Abandonment from childhood. The trauma of betrayal. Old alarms that finally go quiet. It’s very healing for them, and honestly, it’s one of the great joys of this work for me.

What To Do Next

If you’re stuck in trauma recovery, here’s where to start:

Notice where you block. If you go blank, change the subject, or feel foggy when a memory comes up, that’s a protective part. Name it as protection, not failure.
Get curious instead of frustrated. Ask that part what it’s afraid would happen if it let you feel the wound. Curiosity is one of those C words for a reason.
Ask potential therapists about their approach. If you’re considering EMDR, ask whether they also work with parts. The combination is what makes stubborn trauma move.
Don’t force the memory work. If EMDR has stalled for you before, the answer is usually more safety, not more pushing.

Your first step today is simple: the next time an old wound flares, pause and ask, “What part of me is showing up right now, and what is it protecting?” That one question begins the relationship everything else is built on.

And if you’re ready for support, this combination of IFS and EMDR is exactly how I work with individuals and couples healing from trauma and betrayal.

You don’t have to stay stuck carrying a wound that belongs to the past. The alarm that fires in your nervous system today was installed a long time ago, and with the right sequence, the right relationship with your parts, and the right reprocessing, it can finally be turned off. Reach out and schedule a session with me if you’re ready to do that work.

This is Todd Creager, making the world safe for love.

New to IFS? Start with my complete guide: Internal Family Systems: A Guide for Couples.

Love as a Healing Force for Trauma

April 3, 2025 by Todd Creager Leave a Comment

Have you ever wondered how love can help heal trauma and deep emotional wounds?

As a therapist who has worked with countless individuals dealing with trauma, I’ve seen firsthand how love as a healing force for trauma can create profound changes in people’s lives.

Let me share with you how love is a healing force for trauma and why it matters so much.

When we talk about trauma, we’re dealing with experiences that are too overwhelming for our minds and bodies to process naturally.

These experiences can leave lasting scars, but I’ve discovered that love has an extraordinary power to heal these wounds. Let me explain how love becomes a healing force for trauma through several key ways:

The Power of Loving Presence

– Studies show that people who receive loving support during or immediately after traumatic events are less likely to develop PTSD

– Having someone who pays attention with care creates a safe space for healing

– Love provides the foundation needed to process and move through trauma

Understanding Trauma Through Love’s Lens

– Trauma often occurs when we’re alone without support

– The absence of love can create trauma, while its presence can prevent it

– Love means seeing someone as valuable and taking their wellbeing seriously

Therapeutic Approaches Enhanced by Love

– EMDR and Internal Family Systems work because they incorporate loving awareness

– The therapeutic relationship itself becomes a healing force through loving attention

– Self-love is crucial for healing from trauma, especially in relationships

When working with trauma survivors, I’ve seen that love manifests as paying attention with genuine care.

This isn’t just about saying “I love you” – it’s about showing up consistently, dropping our agenda, and meeting people where they hurt.

Whether dealing with childhood trauma, relationship issues, or loss, love provides the foundation for healing.

Partner love, self-love, and therapeutic love all play crucial roles in healing trauma.

When we approach trauma with love as our guide, we create the conditions necessary for true healing to occur.

Love becomes the force that helps us process pain, rebuild trust, and find our way back to wholeness.

The most powerful thing about using love as a healing force for trauma is that it’s accessible to everyone.

You don’t need special training to offer loving presence to someone who’s hurting.

By simply being there with care and attention, you become part of their healing journey.

Ready to learn more about how love can heal trauma?

Watch the video below where I dive deeper into this powerful healing approach.

You’ll discover practical ways to use love as a healing force in your own life or to support others dealing with trauma.

Watch the video now to understand how love can heal trauma.

Revitalize Your Life: Instant Access to Your Trauma Healing Blueprint

Access the Essential Steps You Need to Move Beyond Trauma and Reclaim Joy in Your Life

EMDR: A Powerful Tool for Healing Infidelity Trauma

March 19, 2025 by Todd Creager Leave a Comment

Discover the power of EMDR: How it Can Help Heal Infidelity Trauma

Have you ever wondered if there’s a way to truly heal from the devastating pain of infidelity trauma?

As someone who has worked with countless couples dealing with infidelity trauma, I’ve seen firsthand how EMDR therapy can create profound healing infidelity and transformation for both the betrayed partner and the person who had the affair.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a powerful therapy approach that helps people process traumatic experiences that are stored dysfunctionally in the brain.

When it comes to helping you heal infidelity trauma, EMDR can help in several important ways:

Understanding the “Parts” That Led to Infidelity

I’ve found that people who betray their partners aren’t acting from their whole, healthy adult self. Instead, they’re often hijacked by wounded parts of themselves seeking to regulate painful emotions or fill an emotional void.

EMDR helps us identify and heal these wounded parts safely and effectively.

Processing the Trauma for Both Partners

For the betrayed partner, EMDR helps process not just the current trauma of discovering the affair, but also any past traumas that may be triggered.

The person who had the affair can process underlying childhood wounds that contributed to their behavior. This dual method that can help you heal infidelity creates lasting change.

Creating New Patterns of Trust and Heal Infidelity Trauma

Through EMDR’s bilateral stimulation and reprocessing, couples can develop healthier ways of regulating emotions and relating to each other.

This helps prevent future betrayals and builds genuine trust based on deep understanding.

While infidelity is incredibly painful, I’ve seen thousands of couples heal infidelity trauma emerge stronger through EMDR therapy.

The process allows both partners to understand themselves and each other at a deeper level. With commitment and proper therapeutic support, healing inifidelity is possible.

Real Life Example of How EMDR Helped Heal Infidelity:

One couple I worked with seemed hopeless – he had cheated throughout their marriage and she was devastated.

Through EMDR, we discovered his behavior stemmed from childhood trauma of an abusive father. Processing that trauma allowed him to stop acting out and become truly trustworthy.

Meanwhile, EMDR helped her heal from both the betrayal and her own past wounds. Today they have a healthier relationship than ever before.

I’ve found that EMDR therapy for healing infidelity trauma works because it:

– Helps regulate overwhelming emotions

– Processes trauma stored in the body

– Builds resources for self-soothing

– Creates new neural pathways for trust

– Allows for post-traumatic growth

The power of EMDR to heal infidelity trauma lies in its ability to work with both the logical and emotional brain.

It’s not just about understanding what happened – it’s about processing the pain at a deeper level where true healing can occur.

Want to learn more about how EMDR can help heal from infidelity?

Watch the full video below where I explain the process in detail and share more case examples of couples who have successfully rebuilt their relationships using this powerful therapy approach.

Special guest Mary Eason joins me to discuss EMDR Humanitarian Assistance Programs (HAP) and their vital work bringing trauma healing to communities worldwide.

7 Signs You or Your Partner Have Unhealed Relationship Trauma

February 20, 2025 by Todd Creager Leave a Comment

7 Signs of Unhealed Relationship Trauma: A Guide to Recognition and Healing

Have you ever wondered if past hurts are affecting your current relationships? Today, I want to talk about the 7 signs of unhealed relationship trauma – patterns that I’ve seen repeatedly in my years of working with couples and individuals.

As a relationship therapist, I’ve noticed these signs can show up in subtle ways, often without us realizing their deeper meaning. Understanding these signs is the first step toward healing and creating healthier relationships.

Here’s why this information is crucial for your relationship journey:

– You’ll learn to identify deep-rooted patterns that may be sabotaging your relationships

– You’ll understand how past relationship trauma affects your current behavior

– You’ll discover why certain emotional triggers keep appearing in your relationships

– You’ll gain insight into healing unhealed relationship trauma through self-awareness

Let me walk you through these seven telling signs:

1. Fear of Intimacy or Vulnerability: When opening up feels scary, or trust seems impossible, it often points to unhealed relationship trauma from past experiences where vulnerability led to pain.

2. Repeating Toxic Patterns: Finding yourself in the same unhealthy relationships with different people isn’t coincidence – it’s often a sign of unresolved trauma.

3. Emotional Numbness: Feeling disconnected from your emotions or avoiding deep feelings can be a protective response to past hurts.

4. Overreacting to Small Triggers: When minor disagreements cause intense emotional reactions, it usually connects to deeper wounds.

5. Self-Sabotage: Pushing away good relationships or creating unnecessary conflict often stems from unhealed trauma.

6. Low Self-Worth: Constantly seeking validation and approval from others often indicates past relationship wounds.

7. Hyper-independence or Codependence: Either refusing help entirely or being unable to function without constant support can signal unresolved trauma.

The good news is that healing from relationship trauma is possible. Through therapy and self-awareness, you can break these patterns and create healthier relationships.

Want to learn more about these signs and start your healing process?

Watch my detailed video below where I explain each sign in depth and share real-life examples from my practice.

Remember, recognizing these signs of unhealed relationship trauma isn’t about blame – it’s about understanding and healing.

Revitalize Your Life: Instant Access to Your Trauma Healing Blueprint

Access the Essential Steps You Need to Move Beyond Trauma and Reclaim Joy in Your Life

Understanding the Four Types of Trauma: How They Shape Our Relationships

February 6, 2025 by Todd Creager Leave a Comment

In my work with thousands of couples I’ve discovered there are 4 types of trauma and each one of these has a direct impact on their relationships.

Think about it, have you ever wondered why certain relationship patterns keep showing up in your life?

Today, I want to share with you the 4 types of trauma that can deeply impact our ability to form and maintain healthy relationships.

Working decades as a therapist, I’ve seen firsthand how these traumas shape our connections with others.

The first type is abandonment trauma. This isn’t just about someone leaving – it’s about experiences our brain couldn’t process, stored in our amygdala, waiting to be triggered.

When someone with abandonment trauma’s partner forgets to pick up groceries, it’s not just disappointment they feel – it’s proof that “I’ll be abandoned again.”

The second type is rejection trauma. I see this often in my practice – clients who heard messages like “you’re my failure child” growing up.

This trauma makes people feel fundamentally “not enough,” leading them to either hide their true selves or sabotage relationships before rejection can occur.

Betrayal trauma, the third type, runs deep. I recently worked with a woman whose father stole her bat mitzvah money, followed by a husband who cheated on her.

These experiences make it nearly impossible to trust again without proper healing.

The fourth type is humiliation trauma. This creates a deep sense of shame and often leads people to build perfect-looking facades while hiding their authentic selves.

I have a client who achieved great success in life but lives in constant fear of being “found out” as an impostor.

Why should you care about understanding these 4 types of trauma?

– You’ll recognize patterns in your own relationships that may stem from past trauma

– You’ll understand why certain situations trigger intense emotional responses

– You’ll learn how trauma protection mechanisms might be blocking intimate connections

– You’ll discover the first steps toward healing these deep wounds

Healing any of these four types of trauma is possible.

The first step is becoming curious about these protective parts of yourself – not judging them, but understanding how they’ve tried to keep you safe.

With awareness and proper support, you can process these traumas and develop the capacity to love and be loved fully.

Ready to dive deeper into understanding how these four types of traumas might be affecting your relationships?

Watch the full video below where I explain each type in detail and share real client stories that will help you recognize and begin healing your own trauma patterns.