How Cheating Cheats the Cheater

By | Communication, Dysfunctional Family, Infidelity, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage, Love, Love advice, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Parenting, Relationships | One Comment

When infidelity happens, we think if it as the person who had the affair cheated ON his or her partner. And of course that is true! However, I can show you how the cheater cheats him or herself. But firstly, ask yourself if you know someone who cheated who did not make his or her life worse on some level. Or maybe you might have cheated in the past- did you lose out on that choice you made. I would…

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Communication in Relationships: Effective and Destructive

By | Communication, Conflict Resolution, Coping, Counseling, Dysfunctional Family, Family Relationships, Healing, Intimacy, Love, Love advice, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Parenting, Relationships, Successful Marriages, Toxic Relationships | No Comments

Effective: Clean communication- clean communication is when the only intent of your communication is to reveal something about yourself. Example: I am angry with you for getting defensive rather than listening. Destructive: Unclean communication- unclean communication is when you have other intentions such as punishing the other person defending yourself, getting rid of your own tension or proving you are right. Example: Yelling loudly- your listening skills suck!  (Getting rid of tension) Effective: Being receptive which includes dropping your own…

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Toxic Relationship: Couple Quarreling

“You’re the Worst Communicator Ever”- Confessions of a Marriage Therapist- (Me)

By | Communication, Conflict Resolution, Coping, Counseling, Dysfunctional Family, Family Relationships, Healing, Intimacy, Love, Love advice, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Parenting, Relationships, Toxic Relationships | No Comments

I have been to many parties where people would come up to my wife and say- “You must have a perfect marriage- you are married to a marriage therapist.”  And my wife found that comment very funny!  The truth is- yes- I am a marriage therapist, and I am also a human being who grew up in a family where great communication was not modeled.  There were many times I would be helping a couple with communication and suddenly had…

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Seven Steps to Ending a Toxic Relationship

By | Counseling, Creating More Passion in Marriage, Dysfunctional Family, Family Relationships, Healing, Intimacy, Love, Love advice, Marital Problems, Successful Marriages, Toxic Relationships | No Comments

1)   Become aware of the toxicity. To help you asses your relationship, check out my previous blog article. 2)   Write down what you get out of the relationship.   Is it financial security, intermittent compliments, sex, close relationships with his or her family members and friends?  There are almost always pros to staying in a toxic relationship.  That is what makes leaving so difficult. 3)   Ask yourself how you would like your relationship to really be.   Find positive role…

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3 Questions to Ask Yourself if You’re in a Toxic Relationship (and TODAY’S free teleseminar info below)

By | Dysfunctional Family, Infidelity, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Relationships, Toxic Relationships | 2 Comments

If you find yourself feeling consistent pain in your relationship, you need to investigate where the pain comes from. Does it come from your past and you are being triggered?  Is your partner mistreating you, controlling you, abusing you or neglecting you?  What do you need to take responsibility for and what responsibility do you need to punt over to your partner?  Some partners who are in unhealthy toxic relationships take the blame way too quickly and make excuses for…

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How Porn Really Affects Relationships

By | Creating More Passion in Marriage, Dysfunctional Family, Great Sex, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage, Marital Problems, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Pornography, Relationships, Sex, Successful Marriages, Toxic Relationships | One Comment

This is my last piece on porn for this month’s theme.  I am a marriage and sex therapist, as you know.  I am open-minded, relatively liberal when it comes to sexual matters and I live very much in the gray.  But I work with people daily who are having relationship challenges.  When porn is being viewed regularly, it becomes a negative force the great majority of the time.  When it comes down to it, porn just does not seem worth…

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Bickering, Yelling, Withdrawing, Suppressing – Sound Familiar?

By | Conflict Resolution, Coping, Counseling, Dysfunctional Family, Family Relationships, Intimacy, Love, Love advice, Marital Problems, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Successful Marriages | 3 Comments

Ask yourself- are you more of an inflamer or a shutting downer? An inflamer is one who tends to get agitated when upset, raise one’s voice, get anxious, get aggressive, talk faster, etc. For example- the inflamer externalizes his or her upset or anxiety and may put others on the defensive. A shutting downer is someone who tends to withdraw, get quiet, numb oneself with TV or computer, stonewall and/or avoids. He or she internalizes his stress or finds a…

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7 Signs You Came from a Dysfunctional Family

By | Dysfunctional Family, Family Relationships, Videos | One Comment

According to relationship experts, 50% or more of people maintain toxic relationships. Those who were raised in a dysfunctional family, are much more likely to be in these toxic situations. When you come from a dysfunctional family, it is likely that you will carry some baggage from your childhood into your adult relationships, and end up having to deal with these issues at some point in your life. One of the first steps towards fixing these dynamics is to dig…

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Coping with a Dysfunctional Family

By | Coping, Dysfunctional Family | No Comments

As you may have noticed, the theme this month has been dysfunctional families.  At this time of year, many family issues can reemerge or at least you can be more affected than at other times.  If you recall a past blog, I define a dysfunctional family as one on which you are not free to be your spontaneous true self.  When clients come in to see me or Skype with me, they may have lost touch with their “true self.” …

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