An important key to relationship well being is discussed in the short video below. Until couples learn how to give and receive feelings, they will be blocked in their attempt to develop a long, hot marriage. The analogy of playing catch is a wonderful metaphor for what it takes for couples to stay connected even through pain so that ultimately there is less pain and more aliveness.
Oprah
Opening Your Heart- Literally
I have been doing marriage therapy for 27 years and every couple is interesting and fascinating as well as unique. When doing couples therapy, I need to be aware of the intricacies and idiosyncracies of each partner and the couple as a whole. However, whether a relationship thrives or not depends on the answer to this question: Is each partner practicing to consciously keep his or her heart open?
I mean this literally. If you pay attention to your chest area, you can feel it close and tighten when you feel threatened in any way, as if it is protecting your heart from hurt. So for example, if your partner expresses some negative feedback to you or an emotion of let’s say-anger, you could actually notice your heart area close up as your chest tightens to protect you from imagined harm. The key then is to consciously allow your chest area to open. Experiement with this as you read these words. There is a very good chance you can allow your heart to open more to this present moment, to life, to the people around you NOW. As your heart opens, you are entering a more receptive state of being. Meditate on this area of your body and continue to allow your heart to open. With every inhalation of breath, open some more and then exhale out to make room for more opening.
If you are ready to challenge yourself, ask your partner to express him or herself especially to express negative feelings toward you. As your partner does this, allow your heart to remain open. Just receive the communication. Instead of trying to convince the other of your innocence or rightness, just stay connected through your open heart.
Practice feeling and experiencing this. Without practice, these are just words. Then from this open heart you can express compassion where there was once fear or resentment and you can express love, when before there was self-centeredness or self-protection.
Carla Young founder of momeocommunity.com and I have a chat
Carla Young is the founder of momeocommunity.com which is an online community that is a resource for mom entrepreneurs. It is a great website and I encourage mom entrepreneurs and mom entrepreneur wannabees to check it out. I found Carla to be interested, interesting and intelligent and asked meaningful questions about relationships, busy moms and challenged couples. There are some great tips here on how to stay connected and passionate even in this busy world.
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For this blog, I want to depart a little from focusing on relationship issues and give you information about podcasting from a leading expert on this topic, Leesa Barnes. Leesa is the author of the wonderful book, “Podcasting for Profit.” She also happens to have a great personality as you will be able to tell from the video below. If you are interested in how to use Podcasting for your business and as a way to get your expertise information out there, check her out at www.leesabarnes.com.
“The Power of Giving” in Relationships
Carol Ann Fried and I interviewed each other in Las Vegas at Blog World, 2009. She was promoting the book, “The Power of Giving,” a book I heartily recommend, and I got to talk about the importance of giving (in both thought and deed) in intimate relationships. I enjoyed this short interview and think you will too!
1 minute video on trust
Part 5 of 5th part video- The Grand Finale!
This last part of a 5 part talk show powerfully and clearly describes how you can reach your relationship potential. Cheryl Bricker, the wonderful actress who did a great job interviewing me, (as in all the videos) asks important questions about some of the central points I make in my book about how to have the long, hot marriage we all want. This video, I believe, gives you a realistic and optimistic view about positive change in ourselves and in our relationships.
Part 4 of 5 Part Talk Show Video- “The Long, Hot Marriage”
In this video, I discuss the importance of “receiving in the bedroom.” A subtle and yet powerful obstacle to healthy sexuality between partners is resistance to receiving both pleasure and love. I discuss this topic and the link between giving and receiving. In this video, you find out that “selfish” is not a dirty word.
What it Takes To Be a Great Lover
This video is Part 3 of a series on how to have “The Long, Hot Marriage.” Find out what it really takes to be a great lover. It is the sexiest video yet (in words I mean; to your relief- I do keep my clothes on!) Very informational and powerful. Take a listen and look!
The Long Hot Marriage, Part 2 of video
In this video, I discuss dealing with pain. In order to have an alive, passionate relationship, you need to develop the emotional muscle to deal with pain constructively. Typically, we deal with pain in a fight or flight way that ultimately disconnects the couple that could lead to decreasing sexuality and decreasing pleasure. As you develop the emotional muscle to stay connected through pain, you open the door once more to increasing romance, playfulness and sexuality.
OC meetup with Sabrina Gibson
As you all know it is my passion and purpose to help you all have the “The Long Hot Marriage” I describe in my book. I saw that social networking is the new way to really get my message out to everyone. I found Sabrina Gibson and joined her 7 Strategies to Social Networking class online. She is an extremely successful marketing and social networking genius. She put together what she calls a “meet-up” of all the members of her class. I was amazed at the amount of people that went and the diversity of their jobs. I met a publicist for Farrah Fawcett, other psychologists, business leaders, everyone that you can imagine. All with one purpose- using social media, such as twitter, facebook, Linkedin, and blogs to get the word out about their passions and messages.
I was proud to say that I ran into some people that recognized me and my book “The Long Hot Marriage” and as they said it “revived their dead relationship”. It was fulfilling to see that my book and message both touched their lives and made such an impact on their marriage. Just a personal note, the gratification I get when someone is touched by reading one of my articles, books, or hears my message from a keynote speech, actually brings tears to my eyes, and It is a feeling that I could live on forever. One of my fellow classmates, Judy Finneran gave me a testimonial of what I was able to bring to her by our meeting together. What are you waiting for- Take your partner in your arms and tell him or her that you are going to have a better relationship right NOW. They want what you want, believe it; one of you just has to say it. I know it’s true, 27 years of experience with couples, we’re all the same. Live your dream relationship. Its right in front of you!