I have been doing marriage therapy for 27 years and every couple is interesting and fascinating as well as unique. When doing couples therapy, I need to be aware of the intricacies and idiosyncracies of each partner and the couple as a whole. However, whether a relationship thrives or not depends on the answer to this question: Is each partner practicing to consciously keep his or her heart open?
I mean this literally. If you pay attention to your chest area, you can feel it close and tighten when you feel threatened in any way, as if it is protecting your heart from hurt. So for example, if your partner expresses some negative feedback to you or an emotion of let’s say-anger, you could actually notice your heart area close up as your chest tightens to protect you from imagined harm. The key then is to consciously allow your chest area to open. Experiement with this as you read these words. There is a very good chance you can allow your heart to open more to this present moment, to life, to the people around you NOW. As your heart opens, you are entering a more receptive state of being. Meditate on this area of your body and continue to allow your heart to open. With every inhalation of breath, open some more and then exhale out to make room for more opening.
If you are ready to challenge yourself, ask your partner to express him or herself especially to express negative feelings toward you. As your partner does this, allow your heart to remain open. Just receive the communication. Instead of trying to convince the other of your innocence or rightness, just stay connected through your open heart.
Practice feeling and experiencing this. Without practice, these are just words. Then from this open heart you can express compassion where there was once fear or resentment and you can express love, when before there was self-centeredness or self-protection.
Reader Interactions