Are You Struggling with Triggers After Infidelity?

Have you ever found yourself suddenly flooded with painful emotions, seemingly out of nowhere, after experiencing infidelity in your relationship?

If so, you’re not alone. As someone who has been helping couples heal from infidelity for over 40 years, I’ve seen firsthand how challenging these triggers can be.

But there’s hope.

In the video below, I’ll share some powerful insights on healing from infidelity and managing those inevitable triggers that come up during the process.

Why should you keep reading and watch the full video?

Here are a few compelling reasons:

• Learn about common triggers after infidelity and why they occur
• Discover practical strategies for both the betrayed and unfaithful partner to deal with triggers
• Understand the critical role of self-compassion in the healing process
• Hear real-life success stories of couples who have overcome infidelity triggers
• Get tips on how to prevent triggers from derailing your progress

As we dive into this topic, I want you to know that healing is possible. I’ve witnessed thousands of couples successfully rebuild trust and intimacy after infidelity.

The key is having the right tools and support along the way.

Let’s start by talking about triggers. These are the sudden reminders of the infidelity that can send you into an emotional tailspin.

Some of the most common triggers I see include:

• Certain places – like restaurants, hotels, or cities associated with the affair
• Dates or holidays – especially anniversaries or birthdays
• Physical characteristics – like seeing someone of a similar ethnicity as the affair partner
• Workplace situations – particularly if the affair partner still works with your spouse
• Media content – TV shows, movies, or songs that remind you of the infidelity

The important thing to understand is that triggers are normal and inevitable, especially in the first year or two after discovery.

Trying to avoid all potential triggers usually isn’t realistic or helpful in the long run. Instead, we need to learn how to manage them effectively.

For the betrayed partner, the first step is giving yourself permission to be honest about your triggers.

Don’t try to be “strong” by stuffing down your emotions. Let your partner know when you’re feeling triggered and what you need in that moment. This openness is actually a sign of strength.

If you’re the partner who was unfaithful, your job is to be an excellent listener when triggers come up.

Make space for your partner’s emotions without getting defensive or trying to rush them through it. I always tell my clients – the quickest way to heal is to slow down and accept these emotional “detours” as part of the process.

Of course, managing triggers isn’t just about how you interact as a couple. Self-compassion and self-soothing are crucial skills for both partners to develop.

When you feel triggered, take a moment to connect with the most loving, nurturing part of yourself. Place a hand on your heart, take some deep breaths, and remind yourself that you are safe in this moment.

I recently worked with a couple where the wife was triggered every time her husband went to work, since his affair partner was a coworker.

We came up with a plan for him to avoid unnecessary contact with the affair partner and to check in with his wife throughout the day. He would FaceTime her before entering the office, during his lunch break, and as he was leaving.

Over time, as trust was rebuilt, they were able to reduce these check-ins.

Another powerful example was a couple who chose to travel to the city in Italy where the wife had a brief affair during a solo trip.

It was incredibly challenging for the husband, but by facing those triggers head-on and practicing the communication skills we’d worked on, they were able to reclaim that place as “theirs.”

The wife listened compassionately as her husband shared his feelings, holding his hand and reassuring him of her commitment.

By the end of the trip, they felt closer than ever.

These stories illustrate that while triggers can be painful, they also provide opportunities for deeper healing and connection when handled with care and compassion.

If you’re dealing with infidelity in your own relationship, I want you to know that there is hope.

Healing is possible, but it takes work and the right guidance. That’s why I’ve created a free guide to “Healing Infidelity from the Inside Out” that outlines the exact strategies I use with my clients. 

I encourage you to watch the full video for more in-depth tips and insights on managing triggers after infidelity.

And remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out for support, whether that’s to a trusted friend, a therapist, or through my online program.

You’ve got this, and I’m here to help guide you through.