Todd Creager

Orange County Marriage Therapy

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Why You Shut Down During Arguments (And It’s Not Because You Don’t Care)

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This post is about something I see almost every week in my therapy office.

A couple sits on my couch, and one person goes quiet. Not the angry quiet—the disappearing kind. Their chest sinks, their voice gets small, and their partner thinks they’ve checked out. But here’s what’s really happening: their nervous system just hit the shame button, and they’re not avoiding the conversation—they’re drowning in it.

TL;DR: When you shut down during conflict, it’s usually not apathy or stonewalling—it’s a shame response. Your body is trying to protect you from feeling like a bad, wrong person. This article shows you how to recognize when shame takes over and how to stay present for yourself and your partner without collapsing.

But here’s what most people miss:

→ Shame shutdown looks like “not caring” to your partner, but it’s actually a sign you care so much that your nervous system can’t handle the perceived threat of being “bad”

→ Over-apologizing is often a shame response, not real accountability—and it doesn’t actually help repair

→ You can’t talk your way out of a shame spiral; you have to work with your body first

I’ve spent over 30 years working with couples, and I can tell you that shame-driven shutdown is one of the most misunderstood reasons we disconnect.

It gets mistaken for indifference, avoidance, or not trying. But I’m going to show you what’s really going on and how to work with it.

What Shame Actually Does to Your Nervous System

When shame hits, you’re not making a choice to shut down. Your body is doing what it learned to do, probably when you were young. Maybe you had a parent who shamed you, or you got the message that your feelings were too much, or you learned that being visible when you messed up was dangerous.

In my practice, I use EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to help people heal from the original shame wounds. But before we get there, you need to understand what’s happening in the moment.

Your nervous system has three basic responses to threat: fight, flight, or freeze. Shame triggers that freeze response—what we call the shutdown reaction. Your chest literally collapses. Blood flow to your prefrontal cortex (the thinking part of your brain) decreases. You feel small, young, and wrong.

I worked with a woman named Cheryl—names changed for privacy—who would go completely silent whenever her husband Jerry expressed disappointment. Not regular quiet. Gone. Jerry would feel abandoned, which made him push harder, which made Cheryl shut down more. Classic cycle.

Here’s what was happening: Cheryl’s mother had shamed her growing up. Any mistake meant you were a bad person. So when Jerry was upset, Cheryl’s 6-year-old self took over. That part of her believed she was fundamentally wrong, and the only option was to disappear.

The difference between guilt and shame matters here. Guilt says “I did something bad.” Shame says “I am bad.” Guilt can actually be useful—it helps you recognize when you need to repair something. But shame? Shame makes you unavailable because you’re not arguing about what happened; you’re trying to survive the feeling that you’re inherently wrong.

How to Know When Shame Has Taken Over

Pay attention to your body. Shame has a specific signature, and once you recognize it, you can start working with it instead of being hijacked by it.

In sessions, I ask people to notice:

→ Where does your chest go? (Usually it collapses inward)

→ What happens to your voice? (Gets quiet or disappears)

→ How big do you feel? (Small, young, like a child)

→ What’s the thought? (Usually something all-or-nothing: “I mess everything up” or “It’s all my fault”)

One client told me, “Every time we argue, I feel like I’m 6 years old and I just want to hide in my room.” That’s exactly it. You’re not actually 6, but that’s the age that shows up when shame takes over.

The language of shame is black and white. You’ll hear yourself think:

→ “I always do this”

→ “I’m the reason we’re not okay”

→ “I mess everything up”

→ “I can’t do anything right”

That “all or nothing” thinking is a red flag. Your adult self knows that relationships are nuanced. But shame doesn’t do nuance. It deals in absolutes.

Why Your Partner Thinks You Don’t Care (And What’s Really Happening)

This is where it gets tricky. From the outside, shame shutdown looks like:

→ Not caring

→ Giving up

→ Avoiding responsibility

→ Not being present

So your partner feels abandoned. They think you’re not trying, or you’re checked out, or you don’t value the relationship enough to engage.

But from the inside, you’re not checked out—you’re overwhelmed. You care so much that your system can’t handle the possibility of being seen as wrong or bad. The shame is so big that your nervous system shuts you down to protect you.

I’ve seen couples where the betrayed partner thinks the person who cheated is “stonewalling” when they go quiet. But often, what I’m seeing is shame collapse. The person who betrayed is flooded with “I’m a terrible person” and their body literally can’t stay present with that feeling and their partner’s pain at the same time.

This doesn’t excuse the behavior. But understanding it changes how we work with it.

The Moment That Changed Everything for Cheryl

We worked on helping Cheryl recognize the exact moment shame kicked in. Not after—right when it started. She learned to notice that chest collapse, that voice disappearing, that young feeling.

One time, Jerry came home frustrated about something minor—I think dishes or plans that got mixed up. Cheryl felt the familiar pull to collapse. But this time, instead of spiraling, she paused.

She placed her hand on her heart—something we’d practiced in session—and whispered to herself, “You’re safe now.” Just that. She felt her feet on the ground. She took three breaths. And she imagined her adult self stepping forward to sit next to that 6-year-old part.

The young part was still there, still scared. But Cheryl wasn’t fused with it anymore. She could be present for that part while also being present for Jerry.

She walked over and sat beside him. Didn’t explain. Didn’t apologize. Just sat close and breathed.

Jerry told me later, “That was the first time I felt like she stayed. Like she didn’t disappear into shame.”

What Actually Repairs Connection (Hint: It’s Not What You Think)

Most people think they need to apologize their way back to connection. But over-apologizing from a shame state doesn’t work. It actually keeps you small.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” from a collapsed chest isn’t repair. It’s appeasement. Your partner can feel the difference.

Real repair comes from presence. Not explanation. Not making yourself smaller. Just staying.

Your partner doesn’t want the shame-ridden version of you. They want you whole, grounded, and available. They want to know you can stay with them and stay with yourself at the same time.

Here’s what I tell clients: You don’t have to have the perfect words. You don’t have to explain everything. You just have to stay in the room—emotionally and physically.

The Practice That Changes Shame Shutdown

When you notice shame coming up, try this four-step process. I’ve used this with hundreds of people, and it works when you actually practice it (not just when you’re already in the middle of a meltdown):

1. Name it Say to yourself, “This is shame. This isn’t the truth about who I am.”

Just naming it creates a little space. You’re not the shame; you’re noticing the shame. That’s your adult self coming online.

2. Notice it in your body Where do you feel it? Chest? Throat? Stomach? Don’t try to change it. Just notice. “My chest feels tight and small.” “My throat feels closed.” “I want to curl up.”

3. Regulate This is where you work with your nervous system directly:

→ Put your hand on your heart or your belly

→ Feel your feet on the ground

→ Take three breaths where your exhale is longer than your inhale (this activates your parasympathetic nervous system)

→ Look around the room and name what you see (this brings you into the present)

4. Reconnect Once you’re a little more regulated, you can reconnect. Sometimes that’s sitting close to your partner. Sometimes it’s making eye contact. Sometimes it’s just saying, “I need a minute, but I’m here.”

The version of you that can do this—that can notice shame, work with it, and stay present—that’s the version your relationship needs.

What to Do When Your Partner Is the One Shutting Down

If you’re the partner watching someone collapse into shame, this is painful. You feel alone. You might get angry or push harder to get them to respond. That’s normal.

But here’s what helps: Recognize that their shutdown isn’t about not caring. It’s about caring so much that their system gets overwhelmed.

You can say something like, “I can see this is hard for you. I’m not going anywhere. Take the time you need.” Give them space to regulate without abandoning them or making them wrong for the response.

Some people need a few minutes. Some need an hour. You can ask, “What do you need right now?” But don’t interrogate. Don’t make them explain why they’re shutting down while they’re in it. That just piles shame on top of shame.

When they come back, acknowledge that they came back. “Thank you for staying with this” or “I’m glad you’re here” goes a long way.

The Long-Term Work: Healing the Original Shame

What I’ve described above is about managing shame in the moment. But the deeper work is about healing the original wounds that created the shame response in the first place.

This is where EMDR comes in. In my practice, I help people process the early experiences that taught them they were bad, wrong, or too much. When you heal those wounds, the shame response doesn’t get triggered as easily.

I’ve seen people who couldn’t stay in a room during conflict learn to stay present, even when things are hard. Not because they’re forcing themselves, but because their nervous system isn’t interpreting disappointment or frustration as a threat to their fundamental worth.

This takes time. It takes professional support. But it’s possible, and I’ve watched thousands of people do it.

Your Relationship Needs You Whole, Not Small

I want you to remember this: connection doesn’t come from erasing yourself. It comes from showing up as fully as you can, even when it’s hard.

When shame tells you to disappear, your relationship suffers. Not because your partner needs you to be perfect, but because they need you to be present.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t have to never feel shame. But you can learn to recognize when it’s taking over and bring yourself back.

That’s the work that changes relationships. Not perfect communication. Not never messing up. Just the ability to stay—with yourself and with your partner—even when it’s uncomfortable.

If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself, know that you’re not alone. Shame-driven shutdown is one of the most common patterns I see. And it’s workable. You can learn to stay present. Your relationship can heal.

About the Author

I’m Todd Creager, a licensed clinical social worker and marriage and family therapist. I’ve been working with couples for over 30 years, helping them heal from infidelity, rebuild connection, and break free from patterns that keep them stuck. I specialize in using EMDR to help people heal from shame and trauma, and I’ve worked with thousands of individuals and couples who thought their relationships were beyond repair. Most of them were wrong about that.

The insights in this article come from decades of sitting with people in their hardest moments and watching what actually works to help them reconnect. If you’re struggling with shame in your relationship, there’s help available. You don’t have to figure this out alone.

Watch the video and get personal insights from Todd on why you’re shutting down during conflict

Do You Want to Be Right or Do You Want to Be Connected?

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You know what I see week after week in my therapy practice? Couples sitting across from each other, both absolutely convinced they’re right. And they are—sort of. They’re right from their perspective. But here’s what they’re missing: being right is costing them their relationship.

TL;DR: Most communication problems aren’t about who’s correct—they’re about the anxiety of not being validated. When couples race to prove they’re right, they stop listening. The solution isn’t better arguments; it’s developing the emotional muscle to prioritize understanding over validation.

But here’s what most people miss:

→ The need to be right functions like an addiction—it gives you a temporary hit of validation but damages long-term connection

→ Different personality types aren’t obstacles to overcome; they represent complementary values that both matter

→ Your partner feeling heard by you is more valuable than them agreeing with you

I’ve spent over four decades working with couples navigating everything from infidelity recovery to passion renewal.

And I can tell you this: the smartest, most accomplished people often struggle the most with this issue. Why? Because being right has served them well in other areas of life. But in relationships, it’s poison.

Why Couples Get Stuck in the Need to Be Right

Years ago, I took a training that introduced me to something called BLM—not Black Lives Matter, but “Be Like Me.” The instructor kept pointing out how we all walk around with this unconscious expectation: You’re supposed to be like me. You’re supposed to see things the way I see them.

But that’s not how humans work.

Take Sam and Barbara, a couple I’ve been working with. Sam’s successful in his career, very structured, follows a code of ethics and discipline. Barbara has her master’s degree, stayed home with their two kids, and approaches life with more flexibility—what I call “loosey goosey” energy.

They came to me saying they had communication problems. What they actually had was a Cold War. Years of it. Barbara felt Sam didn’t value her opinions. Sam insisted he just didn’t agree with her.

See the problem? Neither one felt understood. And when you don’t feel understood, you dig in harder. You explain more. You present your case more forcefully. You need to win.

The Addiction to Being Right in Relationships

When someone agrees with us, we feel validated. Maybe it means we’ll get what we want. There’s a neurological payoff—it feels good to be right.

But here’s the reality: in most conflicts, both people have valid perspectives based on their personality, their experiences, their values. Sam’s structure and discipline matter. Barbara’s flexibility and spontaneity matter. These aren’t competing values that need a winner—they’re complementary approaches that could strengthen their relationship.

The problem wasn’t their differences. The problem was their anxiety about not being validated, which led them to act in ways that made the other person feel unheard.

How to Stop Fighting About Who’s Right in Your Relationship

A colleague of mine wrote a book called “Do You Wanna Be Right or Do You Wanna Be Married?” That title says it all.

Sam and Barbara are learning to shift their goal. Instead of racing to convince each other who’s right, they’re racing toward something else: who can help the other person feel understood first.

That’s the opposite of what most couples do.

This shift requires developing emotional muscle. Just like you need physical strength to lift heavy furniture without getting hurt, you need emotional strength to handle life’s challenges with grace.

You can’t just decide one day, “Okay, I’m going to be a better listener.” You have to practice. You have to build that muscle through repetition, even when—especially when—you strongly disagree with what you’re hearing.

Practical Steps to Choose Connection Over Being Right

Here’s what I work on with couples:

1. Recognize the addiction pattern. Notice when you feel that urgent need to correct, explain, or convince. That’s the craving for validation kicking in.

2. Shift your intent. Your new goal isn’t agreement—it’s understanding. Can you get where they’re coming from, even if you think they’re completely wrong?

3. Build the muscle gradually. Start with less emotionally charged topics. Practice letting your partner feel heard without immediately countering with your perspective.

4. Value complementary differences. When you see different approaches—structure versus flexibility, caution versus spontaneity—ask yourself: “What’s valuable about their perspective that I’m missing?”

Sam and Barbara are doing this work now. It’s not easy. They still have moments where the old pattern kicks in—that need to prove themselves right. But they’re catching it faster. They’re choosing connection over correctness more often.

What Better Communication Actually Looks Like

Let’s say Sam thinks they should have a strict bedtime routine for the kids—same time every night, no exceptions. Barbara thinks some flexibility is fine—if the kids are having fun on a weekend, why not let them stay up?

Old pattern: Sam explains why structure is crucial for child development. Barbara counters with why rigid rules create anxiety. They both marshal more evidence. Nobody listens. Everyone feels dismissed.

New pattern: Sam shares why consistency feels important to him—maybe it comes from his own chaotic childhood. Barbara shares why she values spontaneity—maybe her parents were too controlling. They’re not debating parenting philosophy anymore. They’re understanding each other’s emotional reality.

From there, they can actually problem-solve. Maybe weeknights have structure, weekends have flexibility. But more importantly, they both feel heard. They both feel valued.

Building Emotional Muscle for Relationship Communication

Think about what happens when you try to lift something heavy without proper strength. You hurt yourself. You might drop what you’re carrying.

Same with emotional challenges. If you haven’t built the muscle to tolerate hearing perspectives that contradict yours, if you can’t sit with the discomfort of not being validated immediately, you’ll keep dropping the emotional weight of your relationship conflicts.

Building this muscle means:

→ Staying present when you disagree instead of rehearsing your rebuttal

→ Asking questions to understand rather than to poke holes in their logic

→ Reflecting back what you heard before offering your perspective

→ Noticing when your anxiety about being wrong is driving your behavior

It’s repetition, just like at the gym. The first few times feel awkward and uncomfortable. But over time, it becomes your new default.

Why Feeling Understood Matters More Than Being Right

Here’s something I’ve seen in my four decades of practice: couples who learn to give up the need to be right don’t just communicate better. They reconnect at a deeper level.

Because when you feel truly understood by your partner—not agreed with, but understood—something profound happens. You feel safe. You feel valued. The emotional armor comes down.

And from that place, you can handle disagreements without them threatening the foundation of your relationship. You can appreciate your differences instead of battling over them.

Sam and Barbara are starting to experience this. They’re becoming what they always wanted: a couple that communicates well together. Not because they agree more—they still disagree plenty—but because they’ve stopped making agreement the goal.

They’re choosing connection over correctness. And their relationship is stronger for it.

Moving From Conflict to Connection in Your Relationship

What I’ve shared with you about Sam and Barbara comes from real sessions, real struggles, real breakthroughs. The patterns I see in their relationship show up in countless couples—different personalities, same fundamental challenge of prioritizing validation over understanding.

This approach to couples work draws on personality type frameworks, attachment theory, and decades of observing what actually helps couples move from conflict to connection. It’s not about applying a formula—every couple is unique. But the principle of developing emotional muscle to prioritize understanding? That’s universal.

If you’re recognizing these patterns in your own relationship, know that change is possible. It takes practice. It takes building new habits. But couples do this work successfully all the time.

The question isn’t whether you’re right or your partner is right. The question is: do you want to be right, or do you want to be connected?

Todd Creager has been helping couples and individuals heal from trauma and rekindle passion for over four decades. His approach combines deep empathy with practical strategies for building stronger emotional connections.

Watch The Video where Todd Explains Why Being Right is Ruining Your Relationship

What if your next argument could bring you closer instead of driving you apart?


Learn how in Todd Creager’s Loving & Connecting Masterclass.
Lifetime access. Real results.

Say Yes to a Better Relationship

The Hidden Cost of Not Fixing Your Communication Patterns

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Have you considered that there are hidden costs of not fixing your communication patterns in your relationship?

As someone who has worked with couples for decades, I’ve seen firsthand how poor communication can slowly erode even the strongest relationships.

Today, I want to share some important insights about what happens when we don’t address these communication issues.

The Reality of Communication Struggles

Most of us weren’t taught how to communicate effectively in relationships.

We didn’t have good role models showing us how to share our feelings, needs, and dreams with our partners.

When couples first get together, everything feels exciting and wonderful. But as time goes on, challenges arise, and that’s when communication patterns become crucial.

Here’s what I’ve observed in my practice:

The Physical and Emotional Impact of Not Fixing Communication Patterns:

Poor communication patterns don’t just hurt your relationship – they can affect your physical health too.

Studies show that healthy relationships boost your immune system, while troubled relationships can lead to:

– Cardiovascular issues (quite literally, a broken heart)

– Digestive problems (when you can’t “stomach” the disconnection)

– Muscle tension and pain (from lack of emotional support)

– Mental health challenges and increased stress

The Dangerous Cycle of Settling

One of the most concerning things I see is when couples simply settle for a disconnected relationship.

They become mere housemates, secretly longing for something more but never taking steps to fix their communication patterns. This settling creates a deep sense of loneliness and can lead to irreversible damage in the relationship.

When to Seek Help

You don’t have to wait until your relationship is in crisis to work on your communication patterns.

Warning signs include:

– Fighting about small things constantly

– Feeling disconnected or lonely even when together

– Avoiding important conversations

– Increased alcohol use or other escape behaviors

– Considering separation or divorce

The Path Forward to Fixing Your Communication Patterns

The good news is that these communication patterns can be fixed with the right guidance.

Don’t wait until your relationship reaches a breaking point. The cost of not fixing your communication patterns is too high – both emotionally and physically.

Watch the video below to learn more about how you can start improving your relationship communication today.

Remember, we’re all beginners when it comes to healthy communication. Instead of beating yourself up about relationship problems, acknowledge that there are things to learn and take action to learn them.

What if your next argument could bring you closer instead of driving you apart?


Learn how in Todd Creager’s Loving & Connecting Masterclass.
Lifetime access. Real results.

Say Yes to a Better Relationship

Why Just Talking About It Isn’t Working

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Have you ever wondered why just talking about it isn’t working with your partner often leads to more conflict instead of resolution?

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen countless couples struggle when trying to talk it out, only to find themselves more frustrated and disconnected than before.

Today, I want to help you understand why just talking about it isn’t working and share some valuable insights to improve your communication.

The Hidden Truth About Communication

When couples come to me saying they’ve talked for hours without making progress, I tell them something surprising: It’s not that communication doesn’t work – it’s that we’re not doing it right.

Just talking about it isn’t working because we’re stuck in what I call “secondary emotions” – those surface-level feelings like anger and frustration that mask our deeper, more vulnerable feelings.

Here’s what you’ll discover in this when watching the video below:

–The crucial difference between primary and secondary emotions, and why accessing those deeper feelings is key to real connection

–Understanding why venting isn’t the same as sharing, and how this distinction can transform your conversations

–The power of non-verbal communication and how softening your approach can create safety for vulnerable discussions

–Why the intent behind your communication matters more than the words themselves

The Real Problem With Just Talking

Most couples don’t realize that just talking about it isn’t working because they’re focused on being right rather than understanding each other.

When we communicate from a place of defensiveness or trying to prove our point, we miss the opportunity to create real connection.

I often see couples caught in an endless loop of point-counterpoint, where just talking about it becomes a battle rather than a bridge to understanding.

The key is shifting your intent from winning the argument to truly sharing and receiving each other’s experiences.

Moving Beyond Just Talking

To make real progress in your communication, you need to:

– Focus on expressing primary emotions (hurt, fear, sadness) rather than secondary ones (anger, frustration)

– Share with the intent to inform rather than release tension

– Create safety for vulnerable conversations through non-verbal cues and gentle touch

– Listen without agenda, truly trying to understand your partner’s perspective

In my new 90-minute program “From Escalation and Conflict to Connecting and Loving,” I dive deep into these concepts and provide practical tools for better communication.

When you understand why just talking about it isn’t working, you can start making meaningful changes in how you connect with your partner.

Ready to improve your communication with your partner?

Watch the video below to learn my proven techniques for moving beyond just talking and creating real connection with your partner.

Together, we can make your relationship safer, stronger, and more loving than ever before.

What if your next argument could bring you closer instead of driving you apart?


Learn how in Todd Creager’s Loving & Connecting Masterclass.
Lifetime access. Real results.

Say Yes to a Better Relationship

What Your Parents Never Taught You About Healthy Love – The Truth Revealed

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What Your Parents Never Taught You About Healthy Love: Essential Lessons for Lasting Relationships

Have you ever wondered why no one taught us about healthy love?

As a relationship expert with over 40 years of experience, I’ve discovered that while we take classes for everything from medical school to golf lessons, most of us never learned the fundamentals of healthy love from our parents or society.

The Truth About Healthy Love

When I talk about healthy love, I mean the kind of love where couples stay connected through both good times and bad.

It’s about having a relationship where you can express your feelings openly – whether you’re sad, angry, or disappointed – without pushing your partner away or resorting to yelling and screaming.

Why We Struggle with Healthy Love

Most of us grew up watching our parents handle conflict in unhealthy ways. Instead of seeing repair and understanding, we witnessed:

– Fight or flight responses

– Punishment through yelling and bickering

– Emotional withdrawal and avoiding difficult conversations

– Suppression of genuine feelings and experiences

The good news is that healthy love can be learned at any age.

Thanks to advances in neuroscience, we now know our brains have “neuroplasticity” – the ability to create new patterns and ways of relating.

Key Components of Healthy Love

Through my work with couples, I’ve identified three essential elements for creating healthy love:

Repair: Learning to acknowledge when we’ve responded poorly and making it right

Attunement: Truly understanding and “getting” your partner’s experience

Curiosity: Being genuinely interested in your partner’s different needs and perspectives

Learning Healthy Love is Possible

Just like learning any new skill, developing healthy love takes practice and guidance.

Whether you’re in your 20s or 80s, you can learn to:

– Express yourself authentically instead of just presenting what you think others want to see

– Create a safe environment where both partners can be fully themselves

– Handle conflicts in ways that strengthen rather than damage your connection

– Understand and respond to different love languages and needs

Ready to Develop These Skills and Implement Them Into Your Relationship?

If you’re ready to develop the skills for healthy love, I invite you to watch my detailed video below.

I share specific strategies and insights from my decades of experience helping couples create stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

What if your next argument could bring you closer instead of driving you apart?


Learn how in Todd Creager’s Loving & Connecting Masterclass.
Lifetime access. Real results.

Say Yes to a Better Relationship

The Truth About Your “Broken” Self: It’s Just Nervous System Overload

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You might be feeling that your broken but the truth is your nervous system is overloaded.

Have you ever wondered why you freeze up during arguments or feel emotionally flooded when your partner criticizes you?

The truth is, you’re not broken – your nervous system is overloaded. As a relationship therapist, I want to help you understand what’s really happening in your body and mind during these challenging moments.

Here’s what you’ll learn in this important discussion:

Understanding Your Nervous System Response

When your nervous system is overloaded, it triggers automatic responses that aren’t conscious choices.

Through the vagus nerve, which extends from your brain to your intestines, your body responds to perceived threats in ways that can feel overwhelming.

Learning about these natural protective mechanisms helps you stop blaming yourself for these reactions.

The Three Ways We React to Stress

Your body has three main ways of dealing with threatening situations:

– Freezing: Like a deer in headlights, you might shut down completely

– Fighting/Fleeing: Your sympathetic nervous system activates, leading to emotional explosions or running away

– Social Engagement: The healthy response where you can stay present and work things out with your partner

In the full video below, I share in detail a powerful example of a 40-year-old teacher who couldn’t speak to adults due to childhood trauma.

Through EMDR therapy and understanding his overloaded nervous system, he found freedom from this pattern.

These stories share how lasting change is possible when we address the root causes.

Practical Steps for Change

Your nervous system can learn new ways of responding. I explain concrete techniques for:

– Building healthy communication patterns with your partner

– Recognizing when your nervous system is overloaded

– Learning to co-regulate with your partner instead of freezing or fighting

– Using professional help when needed to heal deeper trauma

Here’s Why Should Matter to You:

Understanding that your nervous system is overloaded rather than “broken” opens the door to real healing.

When you stop judging yourself and start working with your body’s natural responses, you can create lasting positive changes in your relationships.

Ready to learn more about how your overloaded nervous system affects your relationships and what you can do about it?

Watch the full video below for deeper insights and practical tools to help you create healthier relationship patterns.

Don’t let an overloaded nervous system keep controlling your relationships. 

What if your next argument could bring you closer instead of driving you apart?


Learn how in Todd Creager’s Loving & Connecting Masterclass.
Lifetime access. Real results.

Say Yes to a Better Relationship

What If You Could Stop an Argument Before it Starts?

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Have you ever wondered what if you could stop an argument before it starts?

As a relationship therapist with over 40 years of experience, I’ve discovered that it’s not only possible – it’s a skill that any couple can learn.

Let me share with you why understanding this concept could transform your relationship forever.

The Truth About Arguments and How to Prevent Them

When we think about how to stop an argument before it starts, we need to understand that fights don’t just happen randomly.

They follow patterns, and these patterns can be changed.

Here’s what you’ll learn in this important discussion:

– The science behind why we get triggered and how our brain’s survival mechanism affects our relationships

– Practical techniques to pause and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally

– The power of “clean intentions” in communication and how they can prevent arguments

– Why vulnerability is stronger than defensiveness in stopping conflicts before they begin

Understanding Your Triggers

One of the most powerful ways to stop an argument before it starts is to understand what sets you off.

Our brains are wired for survival, which means we often react to emotional threats as if they were physical dangers.

When your partner criticizes you, your brain might respond as if you’re facing a real threat – but you can learn to override this response.

The Power of the Pause

Learning to stop an argument before it starts requires developing what I call “the power of the pause.” This means:

– Taking deep breaths before responding

– Recognizing when you’re getting triggered

– Choosing to share feelings instead of attacking

– Listening with genuine curiosity instead of defending

The Impact of Prevention

The ability to stop an argument before it starts doesn’t just make your relationship more peaceful – it creates a deeper connection between partners.

When you learn these skills, you’ll experience:

– More emotional intimacy

– Better communication

– Increased trust

– Stronger bonds with your partner

If you’re ready to learn how to stop an argument before it starts, I invite you to watch my complete video below.

I’ll guide you through specific techniques and share real examples from my decades of experience helping couples build stronger, more loving relationships.

What if your next argument could bring you closer instead of driving you apart?


Learn how in Todd Creager’s Loving & Connecting Masterclass.
Lifetime access. Real results.

Say Yes to a Better Relationship

How Better Communication Leads to Great Sex – Expert Tips

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Have you ever wondered why some couples seem to have an amazing sex life while others struggle?

As a sex therapist, I can tell you that great communication and great sex go hand in hand. Today, I want to share some powerful insights about how better communication can transform your intimate relationship.

The Truth About Communication and Sexual Connection

Let me tell you something important – communication isn’t just about talking.

It’s the biggest aphrodisiac there is, both for women and men. While women often openly acknowledge that they need emotional connection to feel sexual, men need it just as much, even if they don’t realize it.

Here’s what I’ve learned from working with countless couples:

Connection Over Being Right

Many couples get stuck in defensive, reactive patterns because they’re more focused on being right than being connected. This is a recipe for disaster in both communication and sex.

When you drop the need to debate and instead focus on making your partner feel heard, amazing things happen in the bedroom.

The Power of Non-Verbal Communication

Research shows that 93% of communication is non-verbal.

That means your tone, eyes, smile, and body language matter more than your words.

Let me give you an example – saying “you look nice” to your partner can have completely different meanings depending on how you say it.

The intensity in your voice, the way you look at them – that’s what creates real connection.

Creating Sexual Intensity Through Daily Communication

One of my favorite tips for great communication and great sex is conscious flirting.

It’s actually more important to flirt with your partner of 20 years than on your first date! Think about ways to compliment your partner, show appreciation, and create moments of intensity through both words and touch.

The Magic of Eye Contact

I worked with couple who spent five minutes every night just gazing into each other’s eyes.

While this might sound intense to most people, their sex life was incredible. They created deep intimacy through this simple practice of non-verbal communication.

Why This Matters for Your Sex Life

When you open up your communication – both verbal and non-verbal – you’ll be amazed at how it affects your sexual potential. Your body literally responds to better communication by becoming more open and receptive to pleasure.

Ready to experience how great communication can lead to great sex?

Watch my full video below where I dive deeper into these techniques and share more practical tips for creating the intimate connection you desire.

 

Rediscover the Spark: Fall Back in Love with Your Partner!

Have you ever felt like the flame in your relationship is flickering? You’re not alone. It’s common for even the most passionate romances to hit a lull.

But what if you could reignite that spark and fall deeply in love all over again?

Don’t let your love story lose its luster. Click now to access “Rekindling Romance: The Art of Falling Back in Love” and start your journey to a more fulfilling, passionate relationship today! 🌟💕

Relationship Playfulness The Key to Lasting Love

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Have you ever wondered why the playfulness in your relationship seems to fade after the honeymoon phase?

As a marriage therapist, I want to talk about how to stay playful in your relationship, even long after those initial butterflies have settled.

When we first start dating, playfulness comes naturally.

There’s actually some interesting chemistry at work here – high levels of dopamine and cortisol create that exciting, giddy feeling that makes being silly and romantic feel effortless.

But as relationships mature and we settle into routines with houses, kids, and daily responsibilities, we often lose that magical spark of spontaneity.

Here’s why staying playful is the key to lasting love and how to make it happen:

The Power of Everyday Playfulness

Playfulness isn’t about planning elaborate vacations to Maui.

It’s about finding joy in ordinary moments, like a random Tuesday at 6 PM.

Whether it’s spontaneously dancing in your kitchen, singing a silly song, or skipping down the street together, these small acts of play can instantly shift the energy between you and your partner.

Breaking Out of the Functional Rut

While being functional in a relationship is important, operating only in “functional mode” can drain the life from your connection.

To stay playful in your relationship, you need to consciously step outside your comfort zone.

This might feel awkward at first, especially if you grew up in a more reserved household, but that’s exactly why it’s so important to try.

Making Playfulness a Priority

Don’t wait to “feel” playful – schedule it! Put a reminder in your phone to “surprise and delight” your partner.

Leave unexpected love notes on their car windshield.

Tell a joke (even if you have to Google one first). The key is making playfulness a regular part of your relationship routine.

Creating Safe Spaces for Exploration

Committed relationships aren’t prisons – they’re actually perfect environments for exploring new sides of ourselves.

When you stay playful in your relationship, you create opportunities for both partners to grow and express themselves freely.

This safety allows you to take chances and be vulnerable in ways that actually strengthen your bond.

Practical Tips for Increasing Playfulness:

– Set daily reminders to do something unexpected and fun

– Break routine by suggesting spontaneous activities

– Use technology to send playful messages throughout the day

– Create silly traditions that are unique to your relationship

– Don’t overthink it – sometimes the simplest gestures have the biggest impact

I’ve never seen a couple regret adding more playfulness to their relationship. In fact, it consistently improves the quality of connection between partners. Remember, staying playful in your relationship isn’t about being perfect – it’s about being present and willing to step outside your comfort zone for the sake of joy and connection.

Ready to bring more play into your relationship? Watch the video below for more detailed examples and practical strategies to keep the spark alive in your relationship.

Together, we can make the world safer for love, one playful moment at a time.

Rediscover the Spark: Fall Back in Love with Your Partner!

Have you ever felt like the flame in your relationship is flickering? You’re not alone. It’s common for even the most passionate romances to hit a lull.

But what if you could reignite that spark and fall deeply in love all over again?

Don’t let your love story lose its luster. Click now to access “Rekindling Romance: The Art of Falling Back in Love” and start your journey to a more fulfilling, passionate relationship today! 🌟💕

3 Common Ways Partners Lose Trust (And How to Repair It)

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The 3 Most Damaging Ways Partners Lose Trust (And How to Heal)

Have you ever wondered about the common ways partners lose trust in relationships?

As a relationship therapist who has worked with thousands of couples, I’ve seen how trust can erode in predictable patterns. Today, I want to share the three most damaging ways partners lose trust and, more importantly, how to repair these wounds.

Let me walk you through the main ways trust breaks down in relationships:

1. Little Lies and Deceptions
Small lies might seem harmless at first – like telling your partner you only had one drink when you actually had three. But these deceptions create a parent-child dynamic that damages intimacy. When discovered, these lies make your partner question everything, wondering “What else have they lied about?” This leads to a cycle of detective work and controlling behavior as your partner tries desperately to feel safe again.

2. Broken Promises and Unreliability
When partners consistently fail to follow through on commitments – whether it’s cleaning the house, planning a date, or coming home when promised – trust slowly erodes. I learned this lesson myself with my wife, always promising to be home earlier than realistic. The solution? Under-promise and over-deliver. Be realistic about what you can do and then follow through.

3. Betrayal and Infidelity
Whether emotional or physical, betrayal cuts the deepest of all ways partners lose trust. It creates profound wounds and insecurity that can take years to heal. Often, betrayal starts with small lies that escalate over time into deeper deceptions.

The good news? Trust can be rebuilt, but it requires both partners to do their part:

– For the person who broke trust:

Recognize this is often a maturity issue. Be willing to “grow up” and look honestly at what drove your behavior.

– For the hurt partner:

Stay open to the possibility of change while maintaining healthy boundaries.

– For both:

Understand that healing trust issues usually requires professional help. The patterns are too ingrained to tackle alone.

Here’s what makes this video essential viewing: I’ll show you exactly how these trust-breaking patterns develop and, more importantly, give you practical tools to repair them.

You’ll learn why people lie, how to break the parent-child dynamic, and specific steps to rebuild trust.

Ready to understand how trust breaks down and what it takes to repair it? Watch the full video below. Your relationship deserves this investment in understanding and growth.

Remember, making relationships safe for love starts with understanding how trust works – and how to protect it.

Go From Hurting to Happy Today...

When you click the button below, you’ll gain access to my exclusive Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out Guide.

It’s a powerful resource that will support you every step of the way, providing practical guidance and actionable steps toward finding peace within yourself.

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Understanding the Four Types of Trauma: How They Shape Our Relationships

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In my work with thousands of couples I’ve discovered there are 4 types of trauma and each one of these has a direct impact on their relationships.

Think about it, have you ever wondered why certain relationship patterns keep showing up in your life?

Today, I want to share with you the 4 types of trauma that can deeply impact our ability to form and maintain healthy relationships.

Working decades as a therapist, I’ve seen firsthand how these traumas shape our connections with others.

The first type is abandonment trauma. This isn’t just about someone leaving – it’s about experiences our brain couldn’t process, stored in our amygdala, waiting to be triggered.

When someone with abandonment trauma’s partner forgets to pick up groceries, it’s not just disappointment they feel – it’s proof that “I’ll be abandoned again.”

The second type is rejection trauma. I see this often in my practice – clients who heard messages like “you’re my failure child” growing up.

This trauma makes people feel fundamentally “not enough,” leading them to either hide their true selves or sabotage relationships before rejection can occur.

Betrayal trauma, the third type, runs deep. I recently worked with a woman whose father stole her bat mitzvah money, followed by a husband who cheated on her.

These experiences make it nearly impossible to trust again without proper healing.

The fourth type is humiliation trauma. This creates a deep sense of shame and often leads people to build perfect-looking facades while hiding their authentic selves.

I have a client who achieved great success in life but lives in constant fear of being “found out” as an impostor.

Why should you care about understanding these 4 types of trauma?

– You’ll recognize patterns in your own relationships that may stem from past trauma

– You’ll understand why certain situations trigger intense emotional responses

– You’ll learn how trauma protection mechanisms might be blocking intimate connections

– You’ll discover the first steps toward healing these deep wounds

 Healing any of these four types of trauma is possible.

The first step is becoming curious about these protective parts of yourself – not judging them, but understanding how they’ve tried to keep you safe.

With awareness and proper support, you can process these traumas and develop the capacity to love and be loved fully.

Ready to dive deeper into understanding how these four types of traumas might be affecting your relationships?

Watch the full video below where I explain each type in detail and share real client stories that will help you recognize and begin healing your own trauma patterns.

Revitalize Your Life: Instant Access to Your Trauma Healing Blueprint

Access the Essential Steps You Need to Move Beyond Trauma and Reclaim Joy in Your Life

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Building a Stronger Relationship After Infidelity: Your Questions Answered

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Post-Traumatic Growth After Infidelity: Finding Hope and Healing

Have you ever wondered if it’s possible to build a stronger relationship after infidelity? As someone who has helped countless couples heal from betrayal, I can tell you that not only is it possible – it can lead to what we call “post-traumatic growth.”

I’m Todd Creager, and today I want to share with you how couples can experience positive change and growth after infidelity. While we often hear about PTSD following betrayal, there’s another powerful concept that deserves attention: post-traumatic growth.

Here’s what you’ll learn in this valuable video:

Understanding Post-Traumatic Growth
– Discover how trauma can actually lead to positive personal development
– Learn the signs that show you’re ready to move forward in healing
– Understand how both partners can grow stronger through the recovery process

The Power of Healthy Regulation
– Learn practical techniques for managing emotions during triggering moments
– Understand the importance of “emotional muscle building” in relationship healing
– Master the art of staying present with your partner during difficult conversations

Creating a New Vision Together
– Learn how to build a stronger, more connected relationship
– Discover the role of romance in healing from infidelity
– Understand how to create a shared vision for your future together

What makes this video especially valuable is my practical, down-to-earth approach to healing.

I share real examples from my practice and provide concrete steps you can take to foster growth after infidelity.

You’ll learn about the importance of healthy regulation, the role of romance in healing, and how to create a new vision for your relationship.

One of the most powerful messages I share is that relationships can become even stronger after working through infidelity.

Just as I have scars on my face but am still beautiful, your relationship can carry its scars while becoming more robust and connected than ever before.

Watch the video below to learn how you can turn the pain of infidelity into an opportunity for growth and deeper connection.

Whether you’re the betrayed partner or the one who strayed, this information will give you hope and practical tools for moving forward.

Remember, making the world safe for love starts with understanding how to grow through our challenges.

Go From Hurting to Happy Today...

When you click the button below, you’ll gain access to my exclusive Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out Guide.

It’s a powerful resource that will support you every step of the way, providing practical guidance and actionable steps toward finding peace within yourself.

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Managing Triggers After Infidelity: 5 Essential Questions Answered

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Managing Triggers After Infidelity: 5 Essential Questions Answered

Are you and your partner struggling with emotional triggers after infidelity?

As a trauma clinician who has helped countless couples heal from betrayal, I understand how challenging these moments can be.

Today, I want to share valuable insights about managing triggers as a couple and answer the five most common questions I receive about this crucial aspect of healing.

Why You Should Watch This Video:

• The truth about how long triggers last and what helps reduce their intensity
• The crucial difference between regular emotions and trauma-triggered responses
• Practical strategies for supporting your partner during triggered moments
• Clear guidance on when to face triggers versus when to avoid them
• Proven methods to prevent triggers from controlling your relationship

What makes this video especially valuable is my focus on “attunement” – my favorite concept in relationship healing. When you watch, you’ll learn how to tune in to your partner’s emotions and create deeper connection, even during challenging moments.

I share real examples from my clinical practice, including a recent success story where a couple transformed a triggering moment into an opportunity for deeper intimacy.

You’ll learn how they went from intense distress to feeling connected and close by the next morning.

The video provides practical tools like my new suggestion for proactively discussing potential triggers with your partner.

This simple yet powerful exercise can help both partners prepare for and handle triggering moments with greater understanding and compassathy.

Most importantly, I’ll help you shift your mindset about those inevitable triggers after infidelity.

Instead of seeing them as obstacles, you’ll learn to view these moments as opportunities to develop emotional muscle and strengthen your relationship.

This perspective change alone can dramatically impact your healing journey.

Remember, whether you’re the betrayed partner wondering “how long will I feel this way?” or the partner who betrayed asking “when will this end?” – this video offers hope and practical guidance for both of you.

I share specific strategies that have helped real couples move from trauma to trust, from pain to partnership.

If you’re ready to learn how to handle triggers with grace, maintain connection during difficult moments, and prevent these challenges from controlling your relationship, this video is for you.

Watch it now to start building the emotional tools you need for managing triggers after infidelity

Making the world safe for love starts with understanding how to navigate these crucial moments together. Click play below to begin your path toward deeper healing and stronger connection.

Go From Hurting to Happy Today...

When you click the button below, you’ll gain access to my exclusive Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out Guide.

It’s a powerful resource that will support you every step of the way, providing practical guidance and actionable steps toward finding peace within yourself.

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Your Questions Answered: Can Childhood Experiences Raise the Risk of Infidelity?

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rCan My Childhood Raise the Risk of Infidelity?

…this is one of the most common questions I get asked when working with couples.

Have you ever wondered if your childhood experiences could actually influence your chances of cheating?

As a relationship therapist who’s seen countless couples navigate the complex world of relationships, I can tell you that the connection between childhood and infidelity is deeper than most people realize.

Can childhood raise the risk of infidelity?

The short answer is yes, and it’s more complicated than you might think.

Our early experiences shape how we attach to others, and these attachment styles can significantly impact our relationship behaviors – including the potential for infidelity.

Here are five critical insights from my years of working with couples that explain why childhood experiences can raise the risk of infidelity:

1. Childhood Attachment Shapes Relationship Patterns
Your childhood experiences create a blueprint for how you connect with partners.

If you grew up in a family where emotions were dismissed or you felt emotionally abandoned, you’re more likely to develop attachment styles that increase infidelity risks.

Some people become anxiously attached, constantly seeking validation, while others become avoidant, struggling to create deep emotional connections.

2. Your Younger “Parts” Can Trigger Relationship Challenges
We’re not just one singular person – we have multiple “parts” from different stages of our life.

Sometimes, unresolved childhood experiences can trigger these younger parts, leading to behaviors like seeking emotional soothing outside your relationship.

Understanding these parts can help prevent destructive relationship patterns.

3. Attachment Styles Aren’t Set in Stone
The good news? Your attachment style can change.

Through awareness, work, and commitment, you can literally rewire your brain’s attachment neural pathways.

I’ve seen couples transform from insecure to secure attachments, even after experiencing infidelity.

4. Your Partner’s Attachment Wounds Interact with Yours
Every relationship is a dance of attachment styles.

An anxious partner might trigger an avoidant partner’s defense mechanisms, creating a cycle that pushes partners further apart.

Recognizing these dynamics is the first step to breaking destructive patterns.

5. Self-Awareness is Your Greatest Relationship Tool
Understanding how childhood experiences impact your relationship isn’t about blaming your parents.

It’s about becoming aware of your patterns, recognizing your triggers, and making conscious choices to build healthier connections.

The most important takeaway?

Your childhood doesn’t have to determine your relationship’s future or raise the risk of infidelity.

With awareness, compassion, and dedicated work, you can create the loving, secure relationship you’ve always wanted.

Want to dive deeper into understanding how your childhood might raise the risk of infidelity?

Watch my full video below for an in-depth exploration of attachment styles, infidelity, and healing.

Remember, knowledge is power – and in relationships, self-awareness is the key to lasting love.

Go From Hurting to Happy Today...

When you click the button below, you’ll gain access to my exclusive Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out Guide.

It’s a powerful resource that will support you every step of the way, providing practical guidance and actionable steps toward finding peace within yourself.

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Is Cheating in Relationships Really Different in the Digital Age?

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Is cheating in relationships really different in the digital age than it used to be decades ago?

Have you ever wondered how technology has changed the landscape of infidelity? 

As someone who’s been working with couples for decades, I’ve seen firsthand how the digital age has transformed the way we think about and deal with cheating in relationships. Today, I want to share my insights on this topic and explain why it’s crucial for you to understand these changes.

When I first started counseling couples dealing with infidelity, cheating was pretty straightforward. It always involved physical contact – meeting up with someone face-to-face and engaging in intimate acts without your partner’s knowledge.

But now? 

The lines have become blurred, and the definition of cheating has expanded in ways we never imagined.

Here’s why you should watch my video on cheating in the digital age and what you’ll learn from it:

• Understand the concept of “micro-cheating”: I’ll explain how seemingly innocent actions like liking someone’s social media posts or sending private messages can be the first steps towards infidelity.

This wasn’t even a thing 20 years ago, but now it’s a real concern for many couples.

• Learn about the impact of digital secrecy: I’ll share examples of how hiding digital interactions, like deleting text messages or keeping passwords secret, can erode trust in relationships – even if there’s no physical cheating involved.

• Discover how technology has changed access and opportunity: You’ll hear how the digital age has made it easier for people to engage in various forms of cheating, from online flirting to accessing adult content.

I’ll explain why this increased accessibility is a challenge for many relationships.

• Gain insights into the emotional consequences: I’ll discuss how digital forms of cheating can create the same feelings of betrayal and distrust as traditional physical affairs.

You’ll understand why intent matters, but also why the impact on the relationship can be just as severe.

• Learn about prevention and healing strategies: I’ll share my thoughts on primary, secondary, and tertiary prevention methods to help couples navigate the challenges of maintaining trust in the digital age.

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen how the digital world has added layers of complexity to infidelity.

It’s not just about physical acts anymore – it’s about the erosion of trust through hidden online interactions, secret messaging, and digital temptations that are always just a click away.

In the video below, I dive deep into these issues, explaining how even small acts of digital deception can snowball into bigger problems.

I share real-life examples from my practice, helping you understand the nuances of modern-day cheating and its impact on relationships.

But it’s not all doom and gloom. I also discuss how couples can use this awareness to strengthen their relationships.

By understanding the new challenges posed by the digital age, you can work together to build stronger bonds of trust and open communication.

Remember, when we cheat, we’re not just betraying our partners – we’re often betraying ourselves too.

There’s usually a part of us that knows what we’re doing isn’t right. That’s why it’s so important to address these issues early on, before they escalate into full-blown relationship crises.

Whether you’re dealing with infidelity issues in your relationship, or you simply want to protect your bond in this digital age, this video is for you.

I share strategies for prevention at all levels – from building a strong foundation of trust to recovering from serious breaches of fidelity.

Don’t let the digital age catch you off guard in your relationship.

Watch my video now to arm yourself with the knowledge and tools you need to navigate these new challenges.

Go From Hurting to Happy Today...

When you click the button below, you’ll gain access to my exclusive Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out Guide.

It’s a powerful resource that will support you every step of the way, providing practical guidance and actionable steps toward finding peace within yourself.

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 Micro-Cheating vs Normal Relationships: Are We Just Splitting Hairs?

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Wondering if my parter is really micro-cheating vs normal relationship issues?

Have you ever wondered where the line is drawn between innocent interactions and potential relationship threats?

As a relationship expert, I often encounter couples grappling with this very question. Today, I want to delve into the concept of micro-cheating and help you understand when it’s a genuine concern and when it’s simply splitting hairs.

Micro-cheating has become a buzzword in recent years, and for good reason.

It’s that gray area between full-blown infidelity and harmless behavior that can leave many of us feeling uncertain and insecure.

But before we dive deeper, let’s clarify what micro-cheating really is and why it matters.

Micro-cheating isn’t about having a full-on sexual relationship with someone else, either online or in person.

Instead, it’s those small, seemingly insignificant actions that can erode trust and intimacy in your relationship.

It’s the secret conversations, the hidden interactions, and the moments where you might be seeking emotional fulfillment outside your partnership.

So, why should you care about understanding micro-cheating?

Here are some compelling reasons to watch my video on this topic:

• Gain clarity on what constitutes micro-cheating: I’ll help you differentiate between genuine concerns and unnecessary worries. You’ll learn to identify behaviors that could be potential red flags in your relationship.

• Understand the importance of trust and openness: I’ll explain why transparency is crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship and how micro-cheating can subtly undermine the bond you share with your partner.

• Learn to balance freedom and respect in your relationship: Discover how to navigate the delicate balance between personal autonomy and respecting your partner’s feelings.

I’ll show you how to maintain your individuality without compromising your relationship’s integrity.

• Explore the role of intent in micro-cheating: Understand how the motivation behind your actions can make all the difference.

I’ll help you recognize when innocent interactions might be crossing a line.

• Develop strategies to prevent micro-cheating: Get practical tips on how to maintain open communication with your partner and avoid the slippery slope that can lead to more serious relationship issues.

In this video, I dive deep into real-life scenarios to illustrate the nuances of micro-cheating.

For instance, I discuss the difference between calling an ex-partner to offer support during a tragedy versus reaching out to them for personal emotional regulation.

These examples will help you better understand the subtle distinctions that can make or break trust in your relationship.

I also address the importance of not being too restrictive in your relationship.

While openness and trust are crucial, it’s equally vital to allow for personal freedom and growth.

I explain how excessive jealousy or insecurity can lead to unnecessary restrictions that may ultimately harm your relationship.

Throughout the video, I emphasize the need for balance.

Relationships thrive when there’s a healthy mix of trust, freedom, and respect.

I’ll guide you on how to achieve this balance, ensuring that you’re not stifling your partner’s individuality while also maintaining the sacred bond you share.

One of the key takeaways from this video is the importance of intent.

I stress that understanding your motivations for interacting with others outside your relationship is crucial.

Are you seeking emotional fulfillment or simply maintaining healthy friendships and professional relationships?

This distinction can help you navigate the sometimes murky waters of micro-cheating.

By watching this video, you’ll gain valuable insights into maintaining a healthy, trusting relationship without falling into the trap of over-analyzing every interaction.

You’ll learn how to communicate openly with your partner about your concerns and how to address potential issues before they escalate.

Remember, a strong relationship is built on trust, respect, and open communication. By understanding the nuances of micro-cheating, you’re taking an important step towards strengthening your bond with your partner.

So, are you ready to gain clarity on this often misunderstood aspect of modern relationships?

Don’t miss out on these valuable insights that could transform your understanding of trust and intimacy.

Watch the video below to dive deeper into the world of micro-cheating and learn how to navigate these complex waters with confidence and wisdom.

Go From Hurting to Happy Today...

When you click the button below, you’ll gain access to my exclusive Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out Guide.

It’s a powerful resource that will support you every step of the way, providing practical guidance and actionable steps toward finding peace within yourself.

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Micro Cheating: The Secret Behavior That’s HURTING Your Relationship

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Have you ever wondered about the little things we do that might be pushing the boundaries in our relationships?

Today, I want to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind lately: micro-cheating. It’s a term that’s been gaining traction, and for good reason.

As a couples therapist, I see it all the time in my practice, and I think it’s worth exploring.

What is micro-cheating, you ask?

Well, it’s those gray area activities that might not seem like full-blown cheating, but definitely raise some eyebrows.

I’m talking about things like flirting with someone other than your partner, or being a little too friendly with that coworker. It’s the kind of behavior that makes you think, “Is this okay? Should I tell my partner about this?”

Now, you might be wondering why you should care about this video.

Understanding micro-cheating can be a game-changer for your relationship.

Here’s why:

• Learn to recognize the signs: In this video, I break down what micro-cheating looks like in real life. You’ll learn to spot those sneaky behaviors that might be damaging your relationship without you even realizing it.

• Understand the consequences: I explain why micro-cheating can be a problem on multiple levels. It’s not just about the act itself, but also about the secrets it creates and the potential for escalation.

• Gain insights from real-life examples: I share stories from my practice that illustrate how micro-cheating plays out in real relationships. You’ll see how seemingly innocent actions can lead to bigger issues down the line.

• Discover the connection to “micro-hiding”: I introduce a new concept called “micro-hiding” and explain how it relates to micro-cheating. This insight can help you identify patterns in your own behavior that might be putting your relationship at risk.

• Get practical advice: I offer guidance on how to address micro-cheating in your own life, whether you’re the one doing it or you suspect your partner might be.

But here’s the thing – this video isn’t just about pointing fingers or making you feel guilty. It’s about opening your eyes to the subtle ways we might be compromising our relationships without even realizing it.

As someone who’s spent years helping couples navigate these tricky waters, I can tell you that awareness is the first step towards positive change.

You know, it’s funny how these little things can creep up on us.

Maybe you’re that person who enjoys a little harmless flirting because it makes you feel good about yourself. Or perhaps you’re the type who likes to be the “knight in shining armor,” always ready to rescue someone in need.

These behaviors might seem innocent enough, but they can be a slippery slope.

What really gets me is how easily these small actions can turn into secrets. And let me tell you, as a couples therapist, secrets are like poison in a relationship. They eat away at the trust and intimacy that we all crave in our partnerships.

That’s why I’m so passionate about addressing this topic.

In this video, I also talk about the flip side – how being more open and transparent can actually strengthen your relationship.

It’s about creating a culture of honesty where you feel safe sharing everything with your partner, even the little things.

I’ve got to say, diving into this topic has really opened my eyes to how pervasive these behaviors are in our society. We’ve developed a culture of hiding, of presenting a perfect image to the world, and it’s affecting our ability to connect deeply with our partners. That’s why I believe this conversation is so important.

So, why should you watch this video?

Because understanding micro-cheating and micro-hiding could be the key to unlocking a more honest, intimate relationship with your partner. It’s about creating a space where you can be fully yourself, without fear or hesitation.

Look, I know talking about these things can be uncomfortable. But trust me, the discomfort is worth it if it means building a stronger, more resilient relationship. This video isn’t about judgment – it’s about growth and understanding.

So, are you ready to take a deeper look at your relationship patterns? Are you curious about how these subtle behaviors might be impacting your connection with your partner? Then this video is for you.

Don’t wait to start this important conversation. Click play now and join me in exploring the world of micro-cheating and micro-hiding. Trust me, your relationship will thank you for it. 

Go From Hurting to Happy Today...

When you click the button below, you’ll gain access to my exclusive Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out Guide.

It’s a powerful resource that will support you every step of the way, providing practical guidance and actionable steps toward finding peace within yourself.

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CLICK HERE TO GET STARTED NOW

Taking Your Relationship to The Next Level After Infidelity

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Have you ever wondered if it’s possible to not only heal from infidelity but actually improve your relationship in the process?

As a relationship expert with over 40 years of experience, I’ve seen firsthand that it is indeed possible. In fact, I’ve witnessed countless couples transform their relationships after infidelity, achieving what we call “post-traumatic growth.”

Today, I want to share with you some powerful insights on how to take your relationship to the next level after experiencing infidelity.

This is the final part of our seven-part series on healing infidelity from the inside out, and it’s all about growth and transformation.

Why should you watch this video? Here are some compelling reasons:

• You’ll learn about the concept of post-traumatic growth and how it applies to couples recovering from infidelity.

• I’ll share three healthy mindsets that are crucial for taking your relationship to the next level.

• You’ll discover the top healthy habits that support ongoing relationship growth after infidelity.

• I’ll reveal some of the most significant transformations I’ve witnessed in couples who have healed from infidelity.

• You’ll gain hope and inspiration from real-life examples of couples who have not only survived infidelity but thrived afterward.

Let’s start with the concept of post-traumatic growth. While infidelity is undoubtedly a traumatic experience, it also has the potential to lead to significant personal and relationship growth.

I’ve seen couples emerge from this crisis with improved communication skills, increased vulnerability, and a deeper connection than ever before.

To achieve this growth, couples need to adopt three healthy mindsets:

1. The Scar Mindset:

Just like a physical scar doesn’t diminish our beauty, the emotional scars from infidelity don’t have to detract from the beauty of your relationship. Embrace your journey and the growth it has brought.

2. The Oak Tree Mindset:

Picture your relationship as a mighty oak tree with deep roots. As you work through healing, you’re developing stronger roots that will help you weather future storms together.

3. The Complexity Mindset:

Accept that relationships and people are complex. Embrace the multiplicity within yourselves and your partner, recognizing that we’re all capable of both hurting others and making positive changes.

Along with these mindsets, there are several healthy habits that couples need to embrace:

• Practice deeper communication and vulnerability

• Take risks and show courage in your relationship

• Cultivate romance as a daily habit

• Be persistent in your efforts to change and grow

I’ve witnessed remarkable transformations in couples who have committed to these mindsets and habits.

For example, I worked with a couple where the husband had cheated, and both partners came from backgrounds that made healthy relationships challenging. Through their dedication to growth, they developed new communication skills, set clear boundaries, and rekindled romance in their relationship.

They now enjoy a level of connection and intimacy they never thought possible.

It’s important to remember that change is possible, even in the most challenging circumstances.

While fear can be a powerful emotion, having a positive vision for your relationship and committing to personal growth can lead to incredible results.

If you’re dealing with infidelity or want to strengthen your relationship, I encourage you to watch this video. You’ll gain valuable insights and practical strategies for taking your relationship to the next level.

Remember, it only takes one person to initiate positive change in a relationship – why not let that person be you?

And if you haven’t already, be sure to download my free guide to healing infidelity, which includes the same strategies I use with my clients. 

Your journey to a stronger, more fulfilling relationship starts now.

Go From Hurting to Happy Today...

When you click the button below, you’ll gain access to my exclusive Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out Guide.

It’s a powerful resource that will support you every step of the way, providing practical guidance and actionable steps toward finding peace within yourself.

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CLICK HERE TO GET STARTED NOW

Identifying and Overcoming Triggers When Healing From Infidelity

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Are You Struggling with Triggers After Infidelity?

Have you ever found yourself suddenly flooded with painful emotions, seemingly out of nowhere, after experiencing infidelity in your relationship?

If so, you’re not alone. As someone who has been helping couples heal from infidelity for over 40 years, I’ve seen firsthand how challenging these triggers can be.

But there’s hope.

In the video below, I’ll share some powerful insights on healing from infidelity and managing those inevitable triggers that come up during the process.

Why should you keep reading and watch the full video?

Here are a few compelling reasons:

• Learn about common triggers after infidelity and why they occur
• Discover practical strategies for both the betrayed and unfaithful partner to deal with triggers
• Understand the critical role of self-compassion in the healing process
• Hear real-life success stories of couples who have overcome infidelity triggers
• Get tips on how to prevent triggers from derailing your progress

As we dive into this topic, I want you to know that healing is possible. I’ve witnessed thousands of couples successfully rebuild trust and intimacy after infidelity.

The key is having the right tools and support along the way.

Let’s start by talking about triggers. These are the sudden reminders of the infidelity that can send you into an emotional tailspin.

Some of the most common triggers I see include:

• Certain places – like restaurants, hotels, or cities associated with the affair
• Dates or holidays – especially anniversaries or birthdays
• Physical characteristics – like seeing someone of a similar ethnicity as the affair partner
• Workplace situations – particularly if the affair partner still works with your spouse
• Media content – TV shows, movies, or songs that remind you of the infidelity

The important thing to understand is that triggers are normal and inevitable, especially in the first year or two after discovery.

Trying to avoid all potential triggers usually isn’t realistic or helpful in the long run. Instead, we need to learn how to manage them effectively.

For the betrayed partner, the first step is giving yourself permission to be honest about your triggers.

Don’t try to be “strong” by stuffing down your emotions. Let your partner know when you’re feeling triggered and what you need in that moment. This openness is actually a sign of strength.

If you’re the partner who was unfaithful, your job is to be an excellent listener when triggers come up.

Make space for your partner’s emotions without getting defensive or trying to rush them through it. I always tell my clients – the quickest way to heal is to slow down and accept these emotional “detours” as part of the process.

Of course, managing triggers isn’t just about how you interact as a couple. Self-compassion and self-soothing are crucial skills for both partners to develop.

When you feel triggered, take a moment to connect with the most loving, nurturing part of yourself. Place a hand on your heart, take some deep breaths, and remind yourself that you are safe in this moment.

I recently worked with a couple where the wife was triggered every time her husband went to work, since his affair partner was a coworker.

We came up with a plan for him to avoid unnecessary contact with the affair partner and to check in with his wife throughout the day. He would FaceTime her before entering the office, during his lunch break, and as he was leaving.

Over time, as trust was rebuilt, they were able to reduce these check-ins.

Another powerful example was a couple who chose to travel to the city in Italy where the wife had a brief affair during a solo trip.

It was incredibly challenging for the husband, but by facing those triggers head-on and practicing the communication skills we’d worked on, they were able to reclaim that place as “theirs.”

The wife listened compassionately as her husband shared his feelings, holding his hand and reassuring him of her commitment.

By the end of the trip, they felt closer than ever.

These stories illustrate that while triggers can be painful, they also provide opportunities for deeper healing and connection when handled with care and compassion.

If you’re dealing with infidelity in your own relationship, I want you to know that there is hope.

Healing is possible, but it takes work and the right guidance. That’s why I’ve created a free guide to “Healing Infidelity from the Inside Out” that outlines the exact strategies I use with my clients. 

I encourage you to watch the full video for more in-depth tips and insights on managing triggers after infidelity.

And remember, you don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out for support, whether that’s to a trusted friend, a therapist, or through my online program.

You’ve got this, and I’m here to help guide you through.

Go From Hurting to Happy Today...

When you click the button below, you’ll gain access to my exclusive Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out Guide.

It’s a powerful resource that will support you every step of the way, providing practical guidance and actionable steps toward finding peace within yourself.

healing infidelity from the inside out mock up
CLICK HERE TO GET STARTED NOW

Shift Your Relationship Dynamic: Creating a Partnership of Equals

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Have you ever felt like you’re stuck in a parent-child dynamic with your partner, instead of relating as two equal adults?

If so, you’re not alone.

This is a common challenge many couples face, and it can put a real strain on your relationship.

In my latest video, I dive deep into this issue and share some powerful insights on how to shift your relationship from a parent-child pattern to a healthy adult-adult dynamic.

As a relationship therapist with decades of experience, I’ve seen firsthand how damaging these unhealthy patterns can be. But I’ve also witnessed the incredible transformations that occur when couples learn to relate as true partners.

In this video, I offer practical relationship advice to help you break free from these roles and create a more balanced, fulfilling partnership.

Here are some compelling reasons why you should watch this video:

• Gain a clear understanding of the parent-child dynamic:

I break down exactly what this pattern looks like in relationships, helping you identify if it’s present in your own. You’ll learn how it can manifest as mother-son, father-daughter, or other variations, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

• Discover the root causes: I explain why couples often slip into these roles, even when they don’t intend to.

Understanding the underlying factors is crucial for making lasting changes.

• Learn effective communication strategies: I provide concrete examples of how to shift your language and approach to foster a more equal dynamic.

You’ll hear how to express needs vulnerably and respond to requests without feeling controlled.

• Develop emotional awareness: I guide you through recognizing your own triggers and emotional responses, helping you catch yourself when you’re slipping into child-like or parental behaviors.

• Embrace a partnership of equals: Most importantly, I show you how to cultivate a relationship where both partners’ needs and wants are equally valued and respected.

Throughout the video, I use relatable scenarios to illustrate these concepts. For instance, I walk through a common situation involving taking out the trash, demonstrating how it can either reinforce a parent-child dynamic or be an opportunity for adult-adult interaction.

I provide specific language and techniques you can start using right away to improve your communication and strengthen your bond.

One of the key takeaways from this video is the importance of vulnerability in creating an equal partnership.

I explain how the person in the “parent” role needs to learn to express their needs more openly, while the person in the “child” role must recognize their partner’s legitimate needs and make conscious choices as an adult.

I also address the challenges of breaking these ingrained patterns.

It’s not always easy to shift out of roles we’ve become comfortable with, even if they’re not serving us well. But with awareness and practice, it’s absolutely possible to create a more balanced and fulfilling relationship.

My goal with this video is to help you see your partner not as someone to manage or rebel against, but as an equal with their own wants and needs.

When you can both approach your relationship from this perspective, it opens up new possibilities for connection, understanding, and mutual support.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated by power imbalances in your relationship, or if you simply want to take your partnership to the next level, this video is a must-watch. The insights and strategies I share can help you create a stronger, more satisfying bond with your partner.

Don’t miss out on this opportunity to gain valuable relationship advice and take concrete steps towards a healthier, more equal partnership.

Feel free to leave a comment and let me know how these ideas resonate with you. Together, we can make the world safe for love.

Rediscover the Spark: Fall Back in Love with Your Partner!

Have you ever felt like the flame in your relationship is flickering? You’re not alone. It’s common for even the most passionate romances to hit a lull.

But what if you could reignite that spark and fall deeply in love all over again?

Don’t let your love story lose its luster. Click now to access “Rekindling Romance: The Art of Falling Back in Love” and start your journey to a more fulfilling, passionate relationship today! 🌟💕