The bottom line on healing from infidelity

The Bottom Line when it Comes to Healing From Infidelity

By | Cheating, Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Intimacy, Marital Problems, Marriage Advice, Relationships | No Comments

Infidelity It can tear at the very fabric of a relationship. I see couples devastated by this every day I am at my office.  And yet, I find that many of these couples find away to heal from the crisis and develop more evolved, more connected and more loving relationships than they had ever had before. I work with some of these couples on a weekly basis; others come for a weekend intensive.   However the couple decides to proceed with…

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Opening Your Heart After Infidelity

Opening Your Heart After Infidelity

By | Cheating, Healing, Infidelity | No Comments

How To Trust Again When You’ve Been Betrayed When I write these articles, I know that every couple is unique.  There is not just one blueprint for healing, yet I know it is possible to begin opening your heart after infidelity has happened.  I do not work with couples in the exact same way, because partners have different childhoods, different wounding, different capacities to be resilient and different needs.  However here are some truths that I have found to be…

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A Successful Couple Who Healed from Sex Addiction

By | Addiction, Fear of Intimacy, Infidelity, Pornography, Sexual Addiction, Sexual Trauma, Trauma | No Comments

Tom and Mary (not their real names) came to me because Mary found Tom’s sent emails to several online “solicitors.” He had not acted on them but he had admitted to checking out Internet prostitution sites over the last three years.  Mary caught him doing porn many times and was angry about how often he seemed to do it and the lack of initiating sex with her.  In our first session, he embarrassingly said that he probably looked at porn…

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Treatment of Sexual Addiction

Treatment of Sexual Addiction

By | Addiction, Infidelity, Pornography, Sexual Addiction, Sexual Trauma, Trauma, Treatment of Sexual Addiction | No Comments

I am going to be using the blog from 2 weeks ago- 5 Possible Causes of Sex Addiction to briefly discuss treatment approaches for this problem depending on the corresponding possible cause. As with many other “diagnoses,” there can be multiple factors that could lead to someone being sexually addicted. Here are five possible causes that I have observed in my clinical work: 1)   There was early sexual, emotional or physical trauma in the addicted person’s early life. Victims of…

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Sex Addiction or High Libido_What is the Difference

Sex Addiction or High Libido: What is the Difference?

By | Infidelity, Libido, Sex, Sex Drive, Sexual Addiction, Sexual Dysfunction | No Comments

I am going to get a little personal here. I like sex; I may be under some illusion but after being married for almost 33 years, my sexual response is about the same as when I was far younger. I like that I like sex and I could say that my wife likes that I like sex as well. One of my main areas of clinical expertise is helping people with low sexual desire, and I have had both men…

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5 Signs that a Betrayed Person can Trust the Partner Again

5 Signs that a Betrayed Person can Trust the Partner Again

By | Cheating, Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Intimacy, Marital Problems, Marriage, Toxic Relationships | No Comments

Your partner cheated on you.  You discovered the affair.  You both have been working on the relationship and trying to heal.  However, you have been hurt in one of the most painful ways possible and it is difficult to let your guard down.  “What if he or she does it again?  Then I will REALLY feel like a fool!”   It makes sense to hold back trust.  It makes sense to be protective.  However, if that continues for a long time,…

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Alternatives to Infidelity - Healthy Ways to Regulate Your Emotions

Alternatives to Infidelity – Healthy Ways to Regulate Your Emotions

By | Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Intimacy, Relationships | No Comments

In my last blog, I talked about another way to think about infidelity- Infidelity is a way to regulate our emotions.  Down regulating consists of managing hyperarousal, stress and anxiety. Up-regulating consists of arousing or enlivening ourselves when we feel bored or empty.  I would recommend reading that article before continuing to read this one if you have not read it already.  I am not saying that if you do what I write below- infidelity issues will cease; it is…

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Why People Cheat- Another Look at Infidelity

Why People Cheat- Another Look at Infidelity

By | Commitment, Communication, Family Relationships, Infidelity, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage | No Comments

As a professor and psychotherapist, I have learned some things about early childhood development.  Infants and young children do not have the brain apparatus to regulate their emotions so they utilize their caretaker’s brains basically to do the regulation.  For example, the attuned mother can calm an anxious baby with touch or food or changing a wet diaper.  This is called down-regulation meaning that the mother in these examples helps the child go from a more stressed, inflamed state to…

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Why infidelity is a lonely place to be

By | Infidelity, Intimacy | No Comments

In this video I share why infidelity is a lonely place to be.  You'll find out why loneliness causes infidelity and a disconnection with your partner. We live in a very image conscious society so many of us often hold back parts of ourselves because we're afraid to share our authentic self It's a double edge sword...you feel like you can't share all sides of yourself so you disconnect from your relationship.  You commit infidelity and you end up feeling...

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surviving marital affairs and intimacy issues

Interview: Overcoming a marital affair and intimacy issues

By | Infidelity, Intimacy, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Relationships, Romance, Sex | No Comments

I was recently interviewed by The Child Law Help Center about how to build an improved relationship after a marital affair and/or intimacy issues. In it I discuss the two main reasons why couples contact me for help: Lack of intimacy in the relationship Infidelity You'll want to check out the entire article to see what I have to say about the factors leading up to both situations, and my opinion on whether or not I think the relationship can...

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