Ask for negative feedback this weekend.
You’re saying- “What? ASK for negative feedback? Are you asking me to be a masochist”?
No- it is actually a great thing to do that could help two people- you and your lover. How does it help you?
It gets you to practice a concept I call “Radical Self Acceptance.”
One of the greatest things I have learned is the importance of being ok with negative feedback. It gives me the opportunity to practice accepting myself no matter what and also improving. I do that every semester as a USC instructor. My graduate students tell me how I can teach better. I think it is great. And they love it. They love that they feel heard and important. I get high ratings every semester and I think my openness is one of the biggest factors.
Likewise, your partner will love it too.
Like my students, your partner will feel significant and cared about. Be interested in her or his negative feedback. If you get defense, it is because you are thinking about negative feedback incorrectly. Negative feedback is an opportunity to learn about yourself and your partner.
So ask for negative feedback this weekend and make it a habit. It works miracles. Try it and let me know how it works for you and your relationship.
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