What’s great about marriage is the potential for two partners to use the committed relationship to explore aspects of each other and themselves.  We are made up of many aspects or sub-personalities.

The sexual arena can be a great area to discover and play with many aspects of ourselves.  Fear and fundamentalism tries to reduce us to just one aspect and tries to do away with the more shadowy, soulful sides of ourselves.   Being fully alive sexually means being open to all aspects of our sexual selves.

1. Eroticism in our relationship allows us to see what turns us on.  It allows us to be more fully expressive and vulnerable, sharing our sexual fantasies free of judgment.

2. Play gives us permission to use our imagination, even pretend.  Role-playing for example is not only arousing; it allows us to expand our often-narrow definition of who we think we are.

3. Heart-centered sex is about lifting sex and using sex to give and receive loving energy.  In heart-centered sex, we come from our most compassionate places with the intent of making our partner feel cherished, nourished and loved.

Often when a relationship is getting sexually boring, it is because it has become too unbalanced among these three areas.  In a sexy marriage, there is room for all three of these aspects of our relationships and ourselves.

Where is there room for growth in your relationship in any of these three areas?  I have declared 2013 the year of the breakthrough.  How about having one this weekend with your partner?

Here’s to getting the love you want!