Many studies have shown that the ability to manage one’s own and other’s emotions constructively is a better predictor of business success than IQ, skills or experience. Developing “personal competence” includes increasing self-awareness, improving self-regulation (i.e. – self control, trustworthiness) and the ability to motivate oneself. Developing “social competence” includes increasing empathy skills and having good social skills. As I consult with businesses as well as coach individuals to boost success, productivity and satisfaction at work, I get more convinced that developing personal and social competence is the key.

Increasing self-awareness gives us the chance to learn about our weaknesses and fully utilize our strengths. How can we increase our self awareness? One way is to ask simple questions to ourselves. For example- Am I truly happy with my career, relationship, life, etc? How do I contribute to the problems around me? What am I good at? What do I want to do that I have not done? The process of asking simple questions is extremely valuable and worthwhile. It truly can change the direction of one’s life in a positive way. Another good way to increase self-awareness is to ask for feedback and be open to both positive and negative feedback. You can ask your spouse, a close friend, your coach, your therapist or anyone else you trust. Those who are open to both positive and negative feedback are at a distinct advantage to attract more success.

Improving self-regulation includes learning to be calm and poised under pressure. People that are good self-regulators do not take out their stress on others or themselves. They stay constructive through challenges. I say that we constantly have a choice to be tension-reductive or tension-explorative. When a person is tension-reductive, his goal is to get immediate relief, no matter what the consequences. A person, who is tension-explorative, faces and experiences his feelings and begins working with his feelings as opposed to reacting from his feelings. You can learn to increase your self-regulation in many ways.

A partial list includes:

1) learning relaxation techniques,
2) challenging your “inner critic” and developing unconditional self-acceptance,
3) find work that you love to be naturally motivated, and
4) discover your values and learn to set priorities.

Social competence leads to effective management of others and good teamwork. Empathy is the ability to comprehend the subjective experience of another. When people feel that their perspective or needs are understood and taken into consideration, there is higher morale and ultimately higher performance. One organization hired me as a consultant to change the managing style of the leader from coercive to democratic, and to learn how to listen to input from others. Even though this took more time, she developed into a more effective leader by letting others feel more significant. Developing good social skills helps others feel more comfortable and accepted. It is human nature to be more motivated to put more effort into one’s work when feeling accepted and appreciated.

Therefore, get knowledge, get skills, do your marketing, but also remember to develop your emotional intelligence to accelerate you on the road to success.