My life had been going at too rapid a pace.  There had been family needs, a practice to run and a bunch of “other” situations that had come up and stolen my personal time which already was precious and slim.  I did my best to get to the gym but even that was not as consistent as I would like.

However, there are two areas of my life that suffered the most- my own quiet time- meditation, reflection as well as my “couple” time with my wife.  Yes, even marriage therapists can get caught up in the day to day life stuff that can take away from interpersonal and spiritual health.  So, the question is- What was I going to do about it?

There are times when life gets crunched; when the necessities of life take over for a while or there is a special event that needs lots of attention to detail.  The problem is that people including me can get into patterns where there is no time for the soul.   Instead of a small period of self-deprivation, it becomes chronic.

Today, my wife and I went to the beach and spent 2 hours sitting on the Huntington Beach pier watching our house guest surf.  The two of us also talked and had some laughs.  I didn’t accomplish anything huge but I felt very alive and peaceful.  I was taking in the water, the waves, the bright sunny day, my wife’s laugh and smile, enjoying her hand in mine and enjoying watching our house guest surf.

Most of us intuitively know that these kinds of times are what make life worth living.  If you ask yourself why you are working and trying to make more money, you would probably answer something that has to do with pleasures of the soul.  Therefore, we cannot confuse the goal with the method.  The goal  for most of us is to have more soul time; more time to enjoy our lives and our relationships. The method needs to in part be to make more money, because without money, life gets out of control and soul time suffers.

Also, the method in part needs to be to take care of things on our to do list or otherwise life can feel out of control as well.  In order to enjoy our soul time, there needs to be a feeling of being in control of our lives.  So, what I often do is ask my clients to think about soul time in small chunks.  We cannot always take two hours out or two days out to take care of our soul.  Two minutes of soul time can be an energy shifting experience.

Here is an example: If you are in a current relationship, pick a time when you are both busy “doing stuff.”  Purposefully stop and approach your partner.  Ask her to stop what she is doing for just a couple of minutes so that you can show her how much you love her.  Then, take her face in your hands and  gently touch and stroke her face.  Give her a nice gentle kiss on the lips.  After a couple of minutes, resume doing your stuff separately.  (I am assuming that you are busy or tired.  You can always spend more time together.)  My point here is to notice the significant change in how you feel and the mood between you after just a few short minutes of soul time.

So let me summarize my answers to the question of the first paragraph- “What am I going to do about it?

1. Decide to make soul time a priority.  (I believe that with soul time and a sense of balance my financial health will increase.  Taking time off from productivity ultimately leads to more productivity).
2. Think flexibly when it comes to taking soul time for myself.  Minutes of stopping alone or together can be tremendously life enhancing.
3. Schedule it!  If I don’t schedule soul time (the more extended soul times), it won’t happen.  Scheduled activities always take precedence over unscheduled activities.