Question 3 in a series of some of the most asked questions (with answers) that I have received in my years of practice:
Q: My partner used to desire me sexually, but lately he treats me like a roommate and has said he has lost his sexual desire. Is there anything that can be done about that or is our sex life over?
A: Since this question is being asked regarding a male losing his desire, I will first answer it from this gender perspective. Then I will answer it if it is a woman who lost her desire.
The first thing that needs to be done here is to get a good assessment of the possible factors that are contributing to his lowered libido. Often a sex therapist or doctor is helpful in these situations. Physical and medical reasons cannot be overlooked. For example, many medications such as antidepressants and medication for high blood pressure have sexual side effects. If the lowered libido coincides with the time he has started medications, there is a good possibility that this is the problem. Other physical factors include chronic illness and lowered testosterone. Testosterone levels for men can be checked by a simple blood test. There can be psychological reasons such as situational stress, life transitions that raise anxiety, and even sexual performance fears that lead to sex avoidance. Lastly, there are relationship factors such as built up resentment, ongoing power struggles, something in the current relationship evoking some past trauma and lack of trust. It is not uncommon for there to be multiple factors contributing to lowered sexual desire. There is treatment for all of these factors and often other aspects of the relationship can improve as well by working with the underlying causes of the sexual problem.
If it is the woman who is experiencing lowered libido, it could be any of the factors above. Women are typically more affected by hormonal fluctuations and hormone level must be paid attention to in the treatment of lowered libido in females. However, the most common reason for lower sexual desire in women is a lack of emotional connection with one’s partner. Educating the male in how to share as well as listen to feelings (as uncomfortable as that may be for many men) is often a pre-requisite for a reemergence of healthy desire in the female partner. Emotional nourishment is necessary for many women to desire their mate.
Reader Interactions