If your sex life is in the duldrums, there are usually things YOU can do to revive it. It involves foreplay, no waiting is  required and you may get instant results.   And if you don’t get instant results, it may just take some persistence.

Here’s the catch!

You have to do something different.  You have to be a pioneer, experimenting with new behaviors, new words and even new ways of thinking about yourself and your spouse/partner.   Many people call this being a spiritual warrior.  It is getting out of your comfort zone, showing some guts and courage and connecting in some new way with your partner.

Foreplay takes place in and out of the bedroom.  Starting with outside the bedroom here are some things you can do; (some of these may apply more to you than others).

For men:

1) Listen to your partner.  Be curious and interested; if you’re not interested in what she is experiencing, get interested.  This is an essential step; find a husband that is not doing this and  I’ll find you a husband who is probably not happy with his marital sex life.

2) See your wife as a person who needs you; not a person who is trying to control you or nag you.

3) Do something romantic once a week or more.

4) Put on some music at home and dance with her.

For women:

1) Remember he is not a female and may be somewhat clueless when it comes to that feelings thing, espressing his own or listening to yours.  Commend him on any effort he does in this direction and give him points for that.

2) Think of him as a loving person who may not have had the best role modeling in loving a wife especially when she is upset about something.

3) He is proabably very visual so you may want to dress sexy at times.

4) Acknowledge him for the ways he shows his love to you.

Now for foreplay in the bedroom:

Men-

1) Slow down!  Good sex is usally slow sex.  Don’t rush to orgasm.   Start with slow touch, soft caresses.  There is time later for more  intense kinds of touching and rubbing.

2) Have in mind that you will open her up with your love towards her.  Be fully  emotionally present.  Decide that with every touch, she will feel cherished.

3) Sex is not a performance.  Try new things; don’t worry about doing things well.   Be a pioneer in the bedroom.  If it is not pleasing to your mate, learn from it and adjust.

4) Strike a balnce between giving and receiving pleasure.

For women:

1) Slow down and allow yourself the pleasure of sex.  Let your to do list stop and be receptive to your partner’s sexual advances.

2) Like the man, strike a balance between giving and receiving pleasure.

3) Be open to new ways of touching, rubbing, kissing as well as new positions.

4) Have fun teasing where the goal is to titillate until both give in to the sexual ecstacy.

5)  Allow yourself to feel loved by your man.

I am sure I will do more blogging about this topic in the future.  This blog is just scratching the surface.   Feel free to ask me any questions you have or make comments.

There is a great book written on this subject; it goes straight to the point, been highly endorsed and has helped hundreds of couples already.  It is called, “The Long, Hot Marriage,” and was written by yours truly.  Go to my website- www.toddcreager.com or www.thelonghotmarriage.com and check it out.  Better yet, buy it!  You’ll be glad you did.