So I saw a couple today and the husband was complaining about their lack of compatibility and their constant friction. I pointed out that most healthy relationships are full of friction and many of those relationships are comprised of partners who have very different tastes, preferences, parenting styles, etc. He complained that she was driving him crazy with all the things that she was doing. I knew intuitively that if he was able to find a way to like her; to find a way to remember that she is the loving, exciting woman he married, that many of her “irritating” actions might subside. This was just another example of the negative dance that some couples get into.
Here was my suggestion to him. “When she is driving you crazy, know that this experience is part of being married. Then stretch past your negative emotions and critical thoughts and ask her to sit on the couch beside you so that you both can cuddle with each other. And then you can follow that up with some passionate kissing.” His response was something like- “Are you f….ing kidding me?’ Understandable reaction. Most of us let our feelings lead us rather than our intention. However, if he wants a better marriage, then his intention should be to do what it takes to help create one. That includes not waiting to “feel like being romantic” to be romantic.
You are more than your problems, your partner is more than the negative thoughts you may think about him or her, and your relationship can improve very quickly. How? When there is friction, APPLY SOME OIL. So there you have it – romance can be the WD40 of your relationship. Spray it often!!! Then when you come back to your problems you will have the energy and stronger connection to solve them more creatively.
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