Attachment to others has been shown to be the basic human motivation. When people are victimized at a young age, their brains actually adapt to their environment and they learn that the way to attach is to be a victim. This is not just a psychological phenomenon; it is also a neurobiological phenomenon. People who have abuse histories may not even feel a desire to be attached to someone who is kind, genuine and safe. That is not the way their brains learned how to attach.
Also, abusive people are not always abusive. Often, the abuser of a child is also loving and affectionate at times. The child learns to take the abuse with the love. This child can grow into an adult who is unconsciously attracted to the person who also vacillates between kindness and cruelty. This is the way an abuser can control his or her victim. The victim continues to take the abuser’s cruelty so that he or she can hopefully experience the love and the tenderness that will come after the wave of abuse.
There are things that can be done to break the pattern and even change the wiring in the brain. I will be talking about ways that people can heal, recover and change their victimization patterns in future writings and videos. One thing I have been immersed in in 2015 is learning and practicing a treatment modality called EMDR that stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is a treatment modality that helps people quickly and successfully resolve trauma that has kept people stuck in unhealthy belief, behavior and feeling patterns. This is an approach that helps people change their brain wiring so that they can have a better life and better relationships. People do not have to stay stuck in trauma bonding patterns. They can learn how to bond and attach in healthy ways. This whole month I will be writing about different aspects of trauma and how to break free. Please stay tuned!