Nobody wakes up in the morning and says, “OK- Let’s see how I can sabotage this relationship today.” We can screw up a good relationship without any effort or conscious thought at all! Here are 3 ways we blow it while being on automatic pilot:
- After a while, we stop getting excited about and interested in our partner. Many other things start getting our attention ahead of her or him.
- We avoid conflict. It is a seemingly logical thing to do- when in harms way- duck! But it literally deadens the relationship and ourselves all at the same time!
- We act out our fears from our family of origin. For example, if you were abandoned on some level as a child, you get easily triggered by a minor moment of forgetfulness from your partner. This can easily escalate and make a non-problem into a significant one.
The remedy seems to be to pay attention to our partner and to consciously face conflict as well as our fears. Doing this leads to options; better behavioral options that could lead to a more alive and satisfying relationship.
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