When you read the word “kind”, what sensations or feelings come up for you? For me, there is a softening of my muscles, and ease in my body. There is a slowing down of some sort. For some people in our lives, it may be easy to practice kindness but unfortunately, it is often most difficult with our long-term partner. It is easy to have automatic resentment or focus on where our partner is NOT meeting our needs. Or we can just be neutral. However, if you practice consciously being kind towards your intimate partner, it re-sets the atmosphere between you and your relationship goes from negative or neutral to positive.
Let’s face it, we need love and we need kindness as much as we need oxygen, food and water. Are you in the mood for sex when you are famished or extremely thirsty or short of breath? Of course not- you need those needs met first. With kindness it is no different. We need it and when we get it, we are more in a position to give and receive pleasure with our partner.
Also, our nervous system is set up for sex when we slow things down. Slowing down to be kind brings out the desire, not only for women but also for many men. Also, kindness leads to an approach of touching that can be very sensual and can even turn into very “hot.”
1) Can shift the atmosphere between you so that it brings more soul and depth into the relationship.
2) Is something we need just like food and water and when we get our needs for kindness met, we are more capable and ready to give and receive pleasure from our mate.
3) Allows our nervous system to slow down and from that “loving, caring touch” it can lead to more sensuality and more eroticism.