Todd Creager

Orange County Marriage Therapy

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Todd Creager

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7 Signs You or Your Partner Have Unhealed Relationship Trauma

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7 Signs of Unhealed Relationship Trauma: A Guide to Recognition and Healing

Have you ever wondered if past hurts are affecting your current relationships? Today, I want to talk about the 7 signs of unhealed relationship trauma – patterns that I’ve seen repeatedly in my years of working with couples and individuals.

As a relationship therapist, I’ve noticed these signs can show up in subtle ways, often without us realizing their deeper meaning. Understanding these signs is the first step toward healing and creating healthier relationships.

Here’s why this information is crucial for your relationship journey:

– You’ll learn to identify deep-rooted patterns that may be sabotaging your relationships

– You’ll understand how past relationship trauma affects your current behavior

– You’ll discover why certain emotional triggers keep appearing in your relationships

– You’ll gain insight into healing unhealed relationship trauma through self-awareness

Let me walk you through these seven telling signs:

1. Fear of Intimacy or Vulnerability: When opening up feels scary, or trust seems impossible, it often points to unhealed relationship trauma from past experiences where vulnerability led to pain.

2. Repeating Toxic Patterns: Finding yourself in the same unhealthy relationships with different people isn’t coincidence – it’s often a sign of unresolved trauma.

3. Emotional Numbness: Feeling disconnected from your emotions or avoiding deep feelings can be a protective response to past hurts.

4. Overreacting to Small Triggers: When minor disagreements cause intense emotional reactions, it usually connects to deeper wounds.

5. Self-Sabotage: Pushing away good relationships or creating unnecessary conflict often stems from unhealed trauma.

6. Low Self-Worth: Constantly seeking validation and approval from others often indicates past relationship wounds.

7. Hyper-independence or Codependence: Either refusing help entirely or being unable to function without constant support can signal unresolved trauma.

The good news is that healing from relationship trauma is possible. Through therapy and self-awareness, you can break these patterns and create healthier relationships.

Want to learn more about these signs and start your healing process?

Watch my detailed video below where I explain each sign in depth and share real-life examples from my practice.

Remember, recognizing these signs of unhealed relationship trauma isn’t about blame – it’s about understanding and healing. 

Revitalize Your Life: Instant Access to Your Trauma Healing Blueprint

Access the Essential Steps You Need to Move Beyond Trauma and Reclaim Joy in Your Life

Trauma Guide Opt In Image Website

This Might Be The Reason Intimacy Feels Scary

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Are you stopped in your tracks when you start getting closer to your partner?  

This might be the reason intimacy feels scary…your childhood trauma.

Let’s take a few minutes to examine this concept in more detail…

Have you ever wondered why forming deep, meaningful connections feels so challenging?

As a couples therapist who specializes in trauma, I’ve noticed a clear pattern – our childhood experiences significantly shape our ability to create and maintain intimate relationships.

Today, I want to share some vital insights about childhood trauma and intimacy struggles that could help you understand your relationship patterns better.

Here’s why this video is worth your time:

Understanding the Root of Intimacy Issues

I explain how childhood trauma, even subtle experiences like feeling invisible or unloved, can create protective barriers that block intimacy in adult relationships. Through real-life examples, including my own story, I show how these early experiences shape our current relationship dynamics.

You’ll learn to recognize how your past might be affecting your present connections.

Breaking Down the Intimacy Barrier

In this video, I share practical insights about identifying and working with the protective parts of ourselves that developed due to childhood trauma.

I explain how these protective mechanisms, while necessary during childhood, might now be standing in the way of the deep connection you desire.

You’ll discover how to start recognizing these patterns in your own life.

The Path to Healing and Connection

I offer hope and practical guidance for moving beyond childhood trauma to create deeper intimacy.

You’ll learn about the importance of self-awareness, compassion, and understanding in healing relationship patterns.

I share personal examples of how I overcame my own defensive reactions to create more meaningful connections.

The insights I share come from years of clinical experience and personal growth.

I explain how childhood trauma and intimacy struggles are deeply connected, but more importantly, how you can begin to heal these wounds.

Whether you’ve experienced severe trauma or subtle forms of emotional neglect, this video provides valuable insights for creating healthier relationships.

Remember, everyone has the capacity for deep, meaningful connection – yes, even you.

Our childhood experiences might have created protective barriers, but with awareness and the right support, you can develop the ability to form and maintain intimate relationships.

Ready to understand how your past might be affecting your current relationships?

Watch the video below to learn more about childhood trauma and intimacy struggles, and take the first step toward creating deeper, more meaningful connections in your life.

Revitalize Your Life: Instant Access to Your Trauma Healing Blueprint

Access the Essential Steps You Need to Move Beyond Trauma and Reclaim Joy in Your Life

Trauma Guide Opt In Image Website

Deepening Emotional Connection after Infidelity: Your Questions Answered!

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How to Deepen Your Emotional Connection After Infidelity: 5 Essential Questions Answered

Are you struggling to rebuild trust and emotional intimacy after infidelity?

You’re not alone. As a couples therapist, I frequently work with partners trying to heal their relationship after betrayal. Today, I want to share powerful insights about deepening emotional connection after infidelity by answering the top 5 questions I receive from couples.

In this detailed video discussion, I explore crucial concepts that can help you and your partner move forward, including:

– Understanding and developing “emotional muscle”

– The ability to stay present with difficult feelings instead of immediately trying to reduce tension

– Learning the difference between basic listening and true attunement, where your partner feels deeply understood and supported

– Handling inevitable setbacks in communication with grace and using them as opportunities for growth

– Recognizing real signs of progress in your healing journey

– Embracing vulnerability as an essential tool for rebuilding trust and connection

What makes this video especially valuable is that I break down these concepts using real-world examples and scenarios that couples face during the healing process.

I share a powerful example of how to handle triggering moments, like when watching a TV show brings up painful memories of the infidelity.

You’ll learn specific techniques for staying emotionally present when things get tough, rather than defaulting to defensive reactions or walking away.

I explain why developing your “emotional muscle” is similar to physical exercise – it requires consistent practice and a willingness to be uncomfortable.

Most importantly, I address both perspectives – the person who was betrayed and the person who did the betraying.

The pain and challenges on both sides are acknowledged with compassion and understanding.

This video provides essential guidance if you’re looking to:

– Build deeper emotional connection after betrayal
– Improve your communication during difficult conversations
– Learn how to truly attune to your partner’s feelings
– Develop greater capacity for vulnerability
– Navigate setbacks without losing progress

Remember, healing from infidelity doesn’t just happen automatically – it requires active participation, courage, and willingness to feel discomfort as you grow together.

But with the right tools and understanding, you can create an even stronger relationship than before.

Ready to learn these vital relationship skills?

Watch the full video below where I walk you through each concept in detail.

Your path to deeper emotional connection starts here.

Go From Hurting to Happy Today...

When you click the button below, you’ll gain access to my exclusive Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out Guide.

It’s a powerful resource that will support you every step of the way, providing practical guidance and actionable steps toward finding peace within yourself.

healing infidelity from the inside out mock up
CLICK HERE TO GET STARTED NOW

How to Take Responsibility Without Shame When You’ve Cheated

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How to Take Responsibility Without Shame: A Guide for Those Who Have Betrayed Their Partners

Have you been struggling with guilt and shame after betraying your partner? Are you finding it difficult to show genuine remorse while staying present for your partner’s pain?

In this powerful video, I address the most common questions I receive from individuals who have betrayed their partners and are seeking a path toward healing – both for themselves and their relationships.

As a relationship expert who has worked with countless couples healing from infidelity, I understand the complex emotions involved in taking responsibility without getting lost in shame.

This video offers practical guidance on how to navigate this challenging terrain while supporting your partner’s healing journey.

What you’ll gain by watching how to take responsibility without shame after betrayal:

– The critical difference between feeling remorse and wallowing in shame, and how to stay connected to your partner even when feeling intense guilt

– Understanding the unconscious factors that contributed to infidelity without using them as excuses

– Practical techniques for regulating your emotions when your partner is triggered or expressing pain

– How to heal and connect with the younger parts of yourself that influenced your choices

– Specific ways to actively support your partner’s healing process through intentional connection

What makes this video especially valuable:

1. I provide real-world examples from my clinical practice that illustrate how other couples have successfully navigated similar challenges
2. You’ll learn concrete strategies for staying present with your partner’s pain while managing your own difficult emotions
3. I offer compassionate guidance for understanding the root causes of infidelity while maintaining full accountability
4. The video content gives you practical tools for rebuilding trust and connection with your partner

You’ll discover how to move beyond the paralyzing effects of shame toward genuine responsibility and healing.

I explain why simply beating yourself up actually prevents real growth and connection with your partner.

Instead, I’ll show you how to channel your remorse into meaningful actions that support both your own healing and your partner’s recovery.

Don’t continue struggling alone with these challenging emotions.

Watch this video to gain clarity on how to take responsibility after betrayal while creating space for both you and your partner to heal.

Your relationship can grow stronger through this process if you approach it with intention and understanding.

Click below to watch the full video where I address these crucial questions and provide the guidance you need to move forward in your healing journey.

Remember, making the world safe for love starts with understanding ourselves and learning how to take responsibility in ways that promote healing rather than further damage.

Join me in this important conversation.

Go From Hurting to Happy Today...

When you click the button below, you’ll gain access to my exclusive Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out Guide.

It’s a powerful resource that will support you every step of the way, providing practical guidance and actionable steps toward finding peace within yourself.

healing infidelity from the inside out mock up
CLICK HERE TO GET STARTED NOW

Healing After Betrayal: 5 Critical Questions Every Betrayed Partner Needs Answered

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In my work with thousands of couples…I’ve discovered that healing after betrayal is helped when the betrayed partner has these 5 critical questions answered.

Have you ever felt like your world has been turned upside down after discovering your partner’s infidelity?

You’re not alone.

As a therapist who specializes in relationship healing, I’ve worked with countless individuals navigating the painful aftermath of betrayal.

Today, I’m going to share five essential questions that most betrayed partners ask me during therapy.

These insights will help you understand your emotions, heal effectively, and potentially rebuild your relationship.

What you’ll learn in this video about healing from betrayal:

• Learn how to balance your healing with supporting your partner

• Understand the difference between feeling emotions and wallowing

• Discover strategies for loving and supporting your younger, wounded parts

• Know when and how to share your pain with others

• Recognize when professional help might be necessary

Question 1: How Do I Balance My Healing with Supporting My Partner?

First and foremost, in the beginning, focus on yourself.

When betrayal happens, you’ll feel disoriented, angry, and hurt. It’s crucial to give yourself time to process these emotions. You’re not being selfish – you’re being necessary.

Take care of yourself physically and emotionally.

Exercise, get rest, eat well, and create a support system.

Your partner needs to understand that your healing comes first. They must give you space and time to work through your feelings without pressuring you to “get over it” quickly.

Question 2: When Should I Share My Pain with Others?

Sharing your experience can be challenging.

Many people feel embarrassed or worried about how others might perceive their partner.

But having a small, trusted support system is critical.

Choose people who can listen empathetically and support you without judgment. This might be a close friend, a sibling, or a therapist.

The goal is to have safe spaces where you can express your pain and feel heard.

Question 3: How Do I Love My Younger, Wounded Parts?

Betrayal often triggers old childhood wounds.

I recommend journaling and connecting with your younger self as you would comfort a child.

Imagine hugging that little version of you, telling them they are loved and not at fault.

Acknowledge how past experiences of feeling invisible or unsupported might be resurfacing. Be gentle with yourself and recognize that healing is a process.

Question 4: What’s the Difference Between Feeling Feelings and Wallowing?

Feeling your emotions is healthy and necessary.

Wallowing is when those emotions consume you completely.

Think of your feelings like waves – you can experience them without letting them drown you.

Allow yourself to feel pain, anger, and sadness, but don’t let these emotions define your entire existence.

You are more than your current emotional state.

Question 5: When Do I Need Professional Help?

Infidelity is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through.

Professional help can be incredibly beneficial, especially from someone experienced in relationship trauma.

Consider seeking help if:

• Your emotions are significantly impacting work or relationships

• You feel consistently stuck or overwhelmed

• You’re struggling to process your feelings

• Your relationship dynamics feel unmanageable

My Final Thoughts on Healing After Betrayal

Healing after betrayal is possible.

It takes time, patience, and often professional support. Remember, you didn’t cause the betrayal, and your feelings are valid.

Ready to dive deeper?

Watch the full video below for more detailed insights and compassionate guidance.

Go From Hurting to Happy Today...

When you click the button below, you’ll gain access to my exclusive Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out Guide.

It’s a powerful resource that will support you every step of the way, providing practical guidance and actionable steps toward finding peace within yourself.

healing infidelity from the inside out mock up
CLICK HERE TO GET STARTED NOW

Your Questions Answered: Can Childhood Experiences Raise the Risk of Infidelity?

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rCan My Childhood Raise the Risk of Infidelity?

…this is one of the most common questions I get asked when working with couples.

Have you ever wondered if your childhood experiences could actually influence your chances of cheating?

As a relationship therapist who’s seen countless couples navigate the complex world of relationships, I can tell you that the connection between childhood and infidelity is deeper than most people realize.

Can childhood raise the risk of infidelity?

The short answer is yes, and it’s more complicated than you might think.

Our early experiences shape how we attach to others, and these attachment styles can significantly impact our relationship behaviors – including the potential for infidelity.

Here are five critical insights from my years of working with couples that explain why childhood experiences can raise the risk of infidelity:

1. Childhood Attachment Shapes Relationship Patterns
Your childhood experiences create a blueprint for how you connect with partners.

If you grew up in a family where emotions were dismissed or you felt emotionally abandoned, you’re more likely to develop attachment styles that increase infidelity risks.

Some people become anxiously attached, constantly seeking validation, while others become avoidant, struggling to create deep emotional connections.

2. Your Younger “Parts” Can Trigger Relationship Challenges
We’re not just one singular person – we have multiple “parts” from different stages of our life.

Sometimes, unresolved childhood experiences can trigger these younger parts, leading to behaviors like seeking emotional soothing outside your relationship.

Understanding these parts can help prevent destructive relationship patterns.

3. Attachment Styles Aren’t Set in Stone
The good news? Your attachment style can change.

Through awareness, work, and commitment, you can literally rewire your brain’s attachment neural pathways.

I’ve seen couples transform from insecure to secure attachments, even after experiencing infidelity.

4. Your Partner’s Attachment Wounds Interact with Yours
Every relationship is a dance of attachment styles.

An anxious partner might trigger an avoidant partner’s defense mechanisms, creating a cycle that pushes partners further apart.

Recognizing these dynamics is the first step to breaking destructive patterns.

5. Self-Awareness is Your Greatest Relationship Tool
Understanding how childhood experiences impact your relationship isn’t about blaming your parents.

It’s about becoming aware of your patterns, recognizing your triggers, and making conscious choices to build healthier connections.

The most important takeaway?

Your childhood doesn’t have to determine your relationship’s future or raise the risk of infidelity.

With awareness, compassion, and dedicated work, you can create the loving, secure relationship you’ve always wanted.

Want to dive deeper into understanding how your childhood might raise the risk of infidelity?

Watch my full video below for an in-depth exploration of attachment styles, infidelity, and healing.

Remember, knowledge is power – and in relationships, self-awareness is the key to lasting love.

Go From Hurting to Happy Today...

When you click the button below, you’ll gain access to my exclusive Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out Guide.

It’s a powerful resource that will support you every step of the way, providing practical guidance and actionable steps toward finding peace within yourself.

healing infidelity from the inside out mock up
CLICK HERE TO GET STARTED NOW

How Childhood Experiences Influence Conflict Avoidance in Marriage

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Hey there! Have you ever wondered why some couples seem to struggle with conflict avoidance in marriage? 

As a relationship expert, I’ve seen firsthand how childhood experiences can shape our ability to handle disagreements in marriage.

Today, I want to dive into this fascinating topic of how childhood experiences influence conflict avoidance in marriage and share some insights that could transform your relationship.

In the video below  on this topic of How Childhood Experiences Influence Conflict Avoidance in Marriage, I explore the roots of conflict avoidance and offer practical tips to overcome it.

I’ve seen many couples struggle with it in my 30 years of working with couples.

Let me tell you, conflict avoidance in marriage or any relationship is a big deal. It’s often at the heart of issues like low sexual desire, feeling stuck in a dead-end relationship, and even infidelity.

But here’s the thing – avoiding conflict doesn’t solve problems. It actually creates more of them.

So, why should you watch this video? Let me give you a few compelling reasons:

1. Uncover the hidden influence of your past: We’ll explore how your childhood experiences shape your approach to conflict in your marriage. Understanding this connection can be eye-opening and help you break free from unhelpful patterns.

2. Learn to recognize conflict avoidance: I’ll share some tell-tale signs of conflict avoidance that you might not even realize you’re doing. This awareness is the first step towards positive change.

3. Discover the power of facing conflict: You’ll learn why facing conflict head-on can actually strengthen your relationship and lead to a deeper connection with your partner.

4. Get practical tips for becoming a “conflict facer”: I’ll give you some actionable strategies to help you start addressing conflicts in a healthy, constructive way.

5. Understand the importance of individuality in relationships: We’ll discuss why it’s crucial to maintain your own identity and express your needs, even when it might lead to disagreement.

In this video, I share personal insights from my years of experience working with couples.

I talk about how many of us haven’t had good role models for handling conflict in relationships. Maybe you grew up in a family where feelings weren’t discussed openly, or where achievement was prioritized over emotional connection.

These experiences can shape how we handle conflict as adults.

I also delve into the concept of “invisible wants and needs” – a common issue I see in couples therapy. When we avoid conflict, we often push our own desires and needs aside, leading to resentment and disconnection.

But here’s the good news – you can learn to face conflict in a healthy way.

In the video, I guide you through some questions to ask yourself, like “What am I avoiding?” and “What am I afraid to share with my partner?”

These simple yet powerful questions can help you start to uncover the root of your conflict avoidance.

Remember, the goal isn’t to create conflict for the sake of it. It’s about learning to express yourself authentically and creating space for your partner to do the same. This is how we build what I call “higher level harmony” – a relationship where both partners feel heard, respected, and valued.

Watching this video could be the first step towards reducing conflict avoidance in marriage or relationships and move to a more open, honest, and fulfilling relationship with your partner.

You’ll gain insights into your own behavior, learn practical strategies for addressing conflict, and understand how to create a stronger connection with your partner.

So, are you ready to face your conflicts head-on and create a more robust, authentic relationship?

Don’t miss out on these valuable insights. Watch the video now and start your journey towards becoming a “conflict facer” rather than a “conflict avoider.”

Remember, I’m here to help you make the world safe for love.

So go ahead, click play, and let’s tackle this together. Your relationship will thank you for it!

Rediscover the Spark: Fall Back in Love with Your Partner!

Have you ever felt like the flame in your relationship is flickering? You’re not alone. It’s common for even the most passionate romances to hit a lull.

But what if you could reignite that spark and fall deeply in love all over again?

Don’t let your love story lose its luster. Click now to access “Rekindling Romance: The Art of Falling Back in Love” and start your journey to a more fulfilling, passionate relationship today! 🌟💕

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