Knowing what to do and not do when your partner is depressed can be confusing. Dealing with a depressed partner is a very big topic that has a lot of aspects to it.

In this article, I have chosen to focus on the one thing that you should not do and one thing that is absolutely essential to do when your partner is  depressed.

As a person who has helped many couples for many years, I understand how difficult it is for a partner to deal with someone who is depressed.

We don’t really have training on how to be effective nor do we know the best way to manage our selves and our own emotional well-being when a partner is depressed.I believe this brief blog could help.

What to do and not to do when your partner is depressed:

 The one thing you should not do:

 The reflex for many of us when our partner is depressed is to be their cheerleader.

We want to control them and to fix them and to change the way they feel.

We may give them rational  reasons to not be depressed. We may try to tell them that they should look on the bright side. We might want to have them look at all the things that they should be grateful for.

That may help sometimes but when a person is in the throes of feeling depressed, at best will be useless and at worst makes a person feel even more shame about their being stuck in depression. 

A person who is depressed is not choosing to be depressed and if it was easy for that person to come out of it, he or she would have done that without your cheerleading.

One of the reasons why people cheerlead is because it gives them a sense of control that makes them feel better but it’s not really helpful and it is not where one’s true power comes from when dealing with a depressed person.

The one most helpful thing you should do:

Where your true power comes from in dealing with a depressed person, is to help that person feel that you understand and that you are with them in their depression.

It does not mean that you have to feel depressed when your partner is feeling depressed, but it does mean that you make contact with them both verbally and non-verbally when they are in their emotional hell.

If there is one thing that will help a depressed person process their pain so that they can come out of it, it is when they have a person who is attuning to them.

When they experience that they are not alone in their depression, that is their best chance of coming out of it. There may be other things that person needs to do such as therapy or medication but when it comes to an intimate relationship, the most powerful thing a partner of a depressed person can do is to be present with and attentive to his or her depressed partner.

You may need to calm yourself down and allow yourself to just be with that person as opposed to trying to do.

There may be nothing to do or fix the situation when your partner is depressed since the power you have as I have just said before is to be in the present moment and accepting of the partner’s emotional state. 

Even neuroscience research has shown how connecting to a person deeply when depressed can help their neurochemistry to shift to a less depressed state.

If you or someone you know can relate to this blog whether it is from the perspective of a depressed person or the partner of a depressed person and would like some help, feel free to contact me. 

Get Your FREE Download: