Cheating involves putting intimate energy into another person. Being physically present with someone outside of the committed relationship is one way of putting intimate energy into another whether it is emotional or physical intimacy ( or both). Also, texting, emailing, phoning, chatting on the web and soliciting on the web with live people are all ways of interacting with others that betray the committed relationship. A secret is always involved when it comes to cheating.

Porn often is done in secrecy and that, I would say, is not healthy for the relationship. If there is porn, it is better for there to be an openness about it but that topic is for another week. However, porn that does not involve direct contact with a 3 dimensional human being is not cheating. In this scenario, you are not saying or doing things with another person that should only be reserved for your committed partner. Ask the typical betrayed partner who just found out the partner cheated with another person if it feels the same as if he or she just caught the partner watching an x-rated video. Both situations may make the partner feel pain, but the degree of betrayal does not compare.

The slope is not as slippery either with porn. For example, flirting online has a likelihood of leading to more intense cheating, much more so than watching porn can lead to more serious problems. I am not saying that watching porn will not lead to more problems; it could. I am saying that the likelihood of porn being a slippery slope is less than beginning intimate interactions of any sort with a real live human being.

Keep in mind that this article is not saying that porn is good (or that it is bad). The article is merely stating the opinion of a person who has worked in this field for decades- porn is not the same thing as cheating. I would LOVE to hear your comments on this debatable topic.

Need more help?

1.  Check out my resource page on infidelity here: https://toddcreager.com/surviveinfidelity/
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