Your Face Reminds Me of My Mother

Compliments like what is in the title of this article may not exactly be what your partner would want to hear, especially if it is the wife saying it to her husband. However, I wanted you to read this important information that is instrumental to a happy intimate relationship, so I wanted to get your attention.

John and Julie Gottman, wonderful marriage researchers and therapists have studied couples for over 3 decades and have come up with a number of factors that lead to happy marriages.  This research is better than most since they had such a long period of time to observe thousands of couples.  One of the biggest factors that lead to a happy, passionate marriage is (in their words) “frequent expressions of fondness and admiration.”  Couples can have conflicts and disagreements; however conflicts and disagreements are not deal breakers; they are not even serious problems – as long as there are many positive gestures and statements toward the partner.

These expressions could be in the form of:

  1. Compliments
  2. Statements of appreciation
  3. Affection

It is often that I will ask partners to spend time thinking about things they appreciate about their partner or ways to compliment their partner.  It is natural during courtship.  We have to actively think about these things after courtship.  I don’t see that as a problem.  We just need to make it our “job” to have those frequent expressions of fondness and admiration.

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