We have all grown up inheriting some family role. One such role is the “giver” or the “caretaker.” This is the role where you manage other people’s emotions. Yes, if you are in this role, you have unconsciously inherited the job of putting everyone’s needs ahead of your own. If you are one of those people, there is a good chance you are the one who ends up with the lazy, insensitive work partner or the friend who is always in trouble or the spouse who drinks too much, spends too much and does not give you much of a thought at all. Of course, whether it is work, social or intimate relationships, at the extreme of this, there can be abuse as well. This abuse could be verbal, physical or sexual. If you are in these kinds of relationships, it is toxic to your body, mind and spirit. It poisons your soul.
Sometimes you are faced with a tough choice, do I give up the toxic relationship (where often there were some good memories in the past that is hard to let go of) or do you give up yourself? Do you give up the familiar or do you give up on your personal integrity. As a psychotherapist, even though I cannot make a choice for a client, I help the client increase the courage to hopefully choose to give up the toxicity and be reintroduced (or maybe introduced for the first time) to his or her true self.
If you have been drained, exhausted, abused or neglected and the other person shows no willingness to change, it may be time to say “No more.” This can be an anxiety-filled time however, if you keep working on yourself, the anxiety gives way to more self love, more aliveness and more joy as time goes on. Give yourself the gift of life; sometimes it is time to fly away and soar into the vast unknown. You might find out that you like yourself a whole lot more up there!
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