Todd’s Thursday Thought for Relationship Bliss: Play Catch Part 2

In the previous article,  I talked about how developing the fine art of playing “catch” with your partner is a skill will benefit your intimate relationship. This week is the second installment in this two part series where we dive deeper and I show you how to successfully initiate the game with your partner.

Don’t panic if you disagree with your partner’s point of view or if they are feeling something that you believe is based on a distorted perception.  There is time later to give your point of view or express yourself.

If you want your partner to “catch your ball” you better catch theirs first. 

Trust this process.  Ask yourself- “How much has it benefited me in the past to interrupt him/her; to disagree or correct him/her before he/she felt heard and understood?”  The answer to that question is it has it helped you at all?  You can learn how to be receptive and get more of what you want from your partner.

So, why not try something new even if it takes some patience and discipline?

As you “throw the ball,” make sure you have only one purpose and that is to inform your partner of what is going on with you.  When that is your only purpose (as opposed to defend yourself, punish your partner, reduce your own bodily tension), you will speak to your partner in a way that he/she can more easily receive you.

Discipline yourself to see your partner as an ally, even when you are angry and you will more easily bring out the listener in him/her.  Don’t yell or get overly critical; that would be like throwing the ball too hard for the other person to catch it.

A brief example of playing catch could be this: 

Partner 1:  I am so angry at you.  You did not remember to do the one thing I asked you to do for me.

Partner 2: (puts aside his defensive reaction, takes a deep breath and exhales) Yeah- I could see it on your face how angry you are.  I don’t blame you; you really needed me to come through for you and I didn’t.  Is there anything else you need to express to me?

Partner 1: (A little less angry) I just feel let down.

Partner 2: Yes- I know.

Partner 1: Alright well please remember next time.

Partner 2: I’ll write it down and put it on the refrigerator next time.

Partner 1: OK- Thanks.

Here’s to getting the love you want!

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