Secrets kill relationships
Ask yourself this difficult question: Am I keeping something from my partner that she or he really should know? Am I not being transparent and hiding some part of me due to some fear? These fears could include-
1) Fear of being judged
2) Fear of being rejected
3) Fear of being “found out”
4) Fear of being abandoned
5) Fear of conflict
Sometimes the reason for not telling our partner something is because it is TRULY in the partner’s best interest and if that is the case, there are times when it is best not to tell. (This is not a black and white world!) However, you need to be rigorously honest on this one; is it truly in your partner’s interest or your own? Generally, secretes rob the partner of being able to make an informed decision based on the truth.
This weekend, ask that question and if willing and if it is in your partner’s best interest to know (which it often times is), courageously reveal your truth. The side benefit for you is that what you share ultimately can be accepted by yourself. Many of my clients claimed that once they shared, they felt less shame and guilt. Most importantly, your partner knows you more and is in a better place to know what he or she could or should do with this truthful information.
My happiest couples are those that are vulnerable and open with each other, even the tough stuff.
Telling the hard truth is one of the steps on the way to having a long hot marriage.