Long Term Love and I mean deep love, the kind of love where you feel that you would marry your spouse all over again after 10, 20, 30, 40 or 50 years of marriage does happen.  There are couples that DO experience that kind of relationship.

What is their secret(s)?

I have learned from these couples; some of these people were clients, people I know in my personal life and even people I have read about in articles or seen on TV.

Secret # 1:

Look for the best in your partner.  I have heard many of these couples talk about the necessity to overlook each other’s flaws; not to ignore them but at the same time not to focus on them either.  Definitely each partner kept in mind the good stuff, the positive attributes, and the things they enjoyed about their partner.

Secret # 2:

Let them know how good they are.  Not only did they look for and think about the best in their partner, they expressed it.  The complimented their partners far more than they were critical of them.  It was easier to hear the negative feedback because they got plenty of positive feedback as well.

Secret # 3:

Be affectionate.  They touched a lot and were affectionate with each other.  As they got older, even if their sexual relationship changed somewhat, they never stopped touching.  They made sure to adjust to the aging process but kept the physical connection any way they could.  (And many of them had great sexual lives well into old age).  They were not rigid when it came to approaches to touch and sexuality and they were able to talk openly about their sexual preferences, fears and limitations.

Secret # 4:

Place a high value of importance on the intimate relationship. They made the relationship a priority.  They made time for themselves to be alone and intimate and enjoyed each other’s company.  They planned trips together and went on frequent dates.  They often were very different (as most couples are) but they found enough similarities of activities to do those things together.

Secret # 5:

Tune and, be attentive and let your partner know you are there for him or her when needed.  They were strong emotional supports through difficult times.  They would take turns being strong for each other during the occasional life tragedies and losses.  They each felt a sense of deep caring for each other and trusted each other.  Some of these couples had earlier times when the trust was disrupted but they learned how to heal and create trusting relationships.  There was a sense that “You are there for me.”

These wise people have reaped the benefits of these secrets to long term love.  Now it’s your turn!