One thing I have heard hundreds if not thousands of times is the statement,” No matter how much I give to my partner, it is never enough.” Here is the truth- we give to our partner the way we want our partner to give to us. The problem with that is what your partner needs to FEEL LOVED is different than what YOU need to feel loved. I write about that in my book, “The Long Hot Marriage.” Gary Chapman also talks about this in his book, “The Five Love Languages.”
Here are the 5 different love languages that he delineates in his book:
1) Acts of Service – doing things for your partner
2) Gifts – physical representations of love (could be things that cost money such as jewelry but could also be cards, love notes on the windshield, etc.)
3) Quality Time – interactive focused time whether it is an activity you enjoy together or intimate communication
4. Words of Affirmation – Encouraging words, compliments, expressions of appreciation, etc.
5) Touch – Hugging, holding hands, kissing, sex, etc.
I have discovered that most people have a primary and secondary love language and they are rarely the same in both partners. What is your love language? You can figure that out by asking yourself what is missing for you in the relationship as well as how you automatically show love to your partner. What is your partner’s love language? Of course, you can always ask your partner what he or she thinks.
Once you have figured it out, you need to make a conscious, intentional plan of how to speak your partner’s love language. If you need help in discovering or implementing the correct love languages for each other, please contact me. Speaking each other’s love language can create miracles in your relationship. It is not easy learning a second unnatural language and love languages can be equally challenging but the benefits are huge!
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