Many of my couples in my practice have babies and/or young children. This is often when their sex life and romantic life wanes. One or both parents are sleep deprived when the kids are very young. As the kids get older but are still young, there is homework to help them with, extracurricular activities to get them to as well as all the other aspects of life that we need to take care of. So when the heck can we as parents become lovers and have some romantic time? Here are 7 tips to be lovers even while being tuned in and wonderful parents. (My definition of romance is anything you do that could life up the energy of your partner and makes him or her feel closer to you).
1) Think small, at least most of the time, when it comes to romance. Romance on a consistent basis does not take much time. The problem is not time no matter how much you resist this statement. The problem is that you stop thinking about romance. Think about what you can do that could take seconds.
2) Small actions can include such things as sending a sexy text, expressing words of appreciation or bringing home a favorite dessert of your partner to enjoy after dinner.
3) Keep remembering that you have the power to uplift your partner. I write this because we do not remember or even think about how positively powerful we are. A simple decision to express yourself in a romantic way can send positive vibes to your partner that could last for quite a while. It is easy to forget this and feel like you are being affected by the many circumstances and tasks of your life. What a great way to counteract that perception by simply doing or saying something romantic to your partner.
4) Don’t wait to feel like it. The odds are that your parents did not show their romantic sides on a consistent basis so if you wait to you feel like it; you will show it as much as they did to each other. All good things need to be created and a romantic relationship is no different.
5) Since we are thinking small here, pick a time every day or at least most days and then do or say “that’ romantic thing. Since it takes seconds or at most minutes, you still have time to be a good parent and take care of other business.
6) Remember that children with parents that are romantic with each other are far more fortunate than parents who do everything for the kids but not much for each other.
7) Think big once in awhile. Get that babysitter for the night or even for the weekend and plan something that takes both of you out of the realm of parents for a longer period of time.
These tips if followed will go a long way to make your intimate relationship as well as family relationships far stronger and far more joyful. If you are having conflicts and strain with your partner, seek out someone such as myself to help you sort them out and process them so that you can get on with the creation of a romantic long term relationship. Of course know that having some strain and conflict is inevitable and don’t let that stop you from being the romantic person you deep down are!