Every relationship is different and there are many ways to create a passionate relationship. One thing I have found though, that is pretty constant in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships:
Opposites attract; opposites in the sense of masculine and feminine energies.
The masculine in all of you whether you are a man or a woman is the part of you that could “penetrate,” make an impact and lead. The feminine in you is the part that can receive, allow to be affected and to follow. The concepts of BDSM popularized by such media events as “’50 Shades of Grey,” illustrate the power of opposites. However, this is true outside of the BDSM world as well. Difference is magnetically attractive. Being too similar in this way leads to platonic relationships. (I will be writing from heterosexual language but these concepts apply to all relationships).
Equality is extremely important in areas such as wages, opportunities to advance within companies and decision-making in just about all facets of life. However, in the bedroom we want to create polarity, i.e.- a hierarchy, a difference between the two people. I have seen way too many women feeling masculine in the bedroom as well as outside of it. They have husbands that do not lead; they do not initiate dates, they do not initiate touch. At the first sign of rejection from the female, they may go into a shell and protect themselves. I see most women wanting the man to lead and to not be easily discouraged. Let me be clear here- the man needs to accept a “no,” and not be cruel or violating in any way if she does not go along with his wishes. It just means that he needs to be persistent and does not withdraw. Even better, after a complaint or a rejection, he stays connected and LISTENS to whatever his female partner needs to express. Listening is one of the most masculine things anyone can do; the message with true listening is- “I am here for you and I don’t need your approval. Instead I give you my undivided attention and acceptance for wherever you are.”
Being masculine means that you give approval and you do not crave it or collapse when you don’t get it. It means tuning in to the physical needs of your partner; being sensitive to how she would like to be touched. What does SHE need to be aroused or to achieve orgasm? Enjoy her pleasure and she will be sure to pay attention to your pleasure as well. You lead and she follows.
Now, it can be just as exciting at times to have the woman lead and the man surrender control. As long as this works for you as a couple, go with it. I am just saying that most women want to feel their man’s strength and leadership in the area of intimacy at least some of the time. It allows for their femininity along with their healthy hormones to increase, which leads to more emotional, physical and sexual health for her. In both situations, you can see that there is a power differential and it is exciting and arousing. This can be fluid and it needs to done with consciousness and respect for each other.
I will be saying more about this in the future. Whether you are male or female, please feel free to comment about your thoughts on this subject, where you agree and disagree as well as any of your own ideas. I welcome all your comments.