Love is one of those words that could mean many things so I will give you my best definition of love. Love is knowing and demonstrating the power of your ability to care for someone, to uplift that person, to make that person’s life better in some small or large way. In an intimate relationship this love is the foundation of a fulfilling committed partnership. Lust is an excitement, a wanting to be with your partner especially in sexual ways. This lust is what keeps a committed couple as lovers rather than married roommates or “best friends.”
The full-bodied relationship has both lust and love. In order to have love, you need to be able to see the best in your partner even though you know the worst, you need to deal with the inevitable emotional pain of committed relationships with maturity and creativity, and you need to understand (and do) what your partner needs to feel loved by you.
In order to have lust for your intimate partner, you need to take care of yourself physically since sexual desire comes from your body and you need energy to have libido. You also need to risk communicating about your sexuality. The more open you are about your sexual needs and preferences, the more lust you will probably have for your partner. It just works that way. Most couples hide too much of their more “shadowy” parts of themselves for fear of being judged. This cuts off their sexual energy and it is then easier to resort to instant sexuality with porn and/or extramarital relationships.
Love and lust in log term relationships both need the time it takes to cultivate them. Slowing down on a regular basis allows you the time to think and act creatively on how to show love to your partner. Slowing down also gives your body the rest it needs to be ready and open for your sexuality. Slowing down together affords you the opportunity to demonstrate that love. And of course slowing down together with the intention of sexy lovemaking allows you to cultivate and enjoy your lust for each other.
Lastly, in order to have both love and lust, you need to practice being both the giver and the receiver. As a give of love, you need to think about your partner and how you can make a positive difference and do whatever that is, even if you have to work on your own “weakest Link” in order to do it. (i.e.- the engineer who is married to a woman who need to feel emotionally close and connected). Just as important, you need to practice allowing yourself to feel loved by your partner. Receive her love; pay attention to the ways she shows it to you; be affected positively by it. Regarding lust, some people approach the bedroom scene only as givers, which of course is important. However, you also need to have the mindset of receiving. Be a pleasure taker as well as a pleasure giver. Allow yourself to see sex and sensuality as a time for you to experience wonderful sensations as well as your partner.
With love, you develop depth and the ability to be close through the ups and downs of life. With lust, you eroticize the relationship on a consistent basis and create that playful and sexual edge. As you pay attention to both aspects of your relationship and do, say and even think in both tracks, you will have that full-bodied relationship. Enjoy loving and lusting your partner.
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