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As I continue my month-long theme of Sexuality Through the Years, today’s blog is about parents who have young children.  These parents are usually still in their sexual prime but there bodies might not feel like it, especially the mom!  Lack of sleep as well as constantly paying attention for the safety and welfare of babies and young children can take a bite out of the erotic side of a marriage.  Here are 7 tips that I have used with many couples that are in this life stage:

  1. Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater (bad expression especially for this article but you get the meaning of that expression).  Maybe you do not have the time or energy today to make slow and long love to your partner but you have time for a 1 minute make out session.  Keep creating an erotic feel in the atmosphere between the two of you even if it is for brief moments.
  2. Get an army of babysitters; not just one or two who may flake out on you at the last minute. Get backup so that you can go out on dates.  Or have the babysitter take the children to a park for an hour or 2 so you and your partner can have some private time at home.
  3. Parenting issues come up and can create conflict between the two parents.  Resolve them the best you can but raising children is a challenge and these conflicts could but do not need to take over the positive feelings.  Don’t let that happen.  If you need to see someone to help navigate through these conflicts, I can be of immense help.
  4. If passion has significantly subsided even before having children, you need to see someone like myself to help you rekindle the passion.  You want your children to have parents who have a positive spark between them.
  5. Men need to be sensitive as the woman goes through her hormonal changes.  Men should not expect women to have their same libido while breastfeeding.  They are hormonally set up to keep a little person alive at that time and not necessarily to have a whole lot of sexual pleasure.  Women vary in the amount of sexual desire they have during this time.  Men need to get educated and be patient.
  6. Get locks on your door so that you’re not worried about a child coming into your room in the middle of a sexual act.
  7. If you are worried about “sexual” noise, stop worrying!  You will not traumatize your child if he or she hears something.  If you are concerned, then practice quiet sex!

Just remember- parents that have a passionate connection with each other have a positive effect on the emotional well being of their child.  Be realistic; you do not have the time and energy you had before young children.  However, make room for sex in your relationship.  Everyone wins when you do that!

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