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My attitudes have changed through time about porn.  I would never say I am “anti-porn” but I would say I am against a porn-centered sexuality for anybody. So, even though I do not take an extreme position on this subject, I like where my heart and mind is going regarding this challenging area of life.  This comes from years of experience with couples as well as my own relationship.

I am a sex therapist. I do not believe that we should demonize the shadowy sides of our psyche including our collective desire to view porn. The porn industry is doing just fabulous and probably will continue to flourish. Here is the problem with porn. Life and committed relationships in particular beckons us to grow up. Growing up involves discriminating– including what we focus on and what we put in front of our eyes. I am all for enjoying porn with your partner if it is a mutually agreed upon venture. Being a prude does not make for a good sex therapist or a good lover!

However, let’s put our relationship first. Let’s do the harder thing and share our fantasies with our partner. Let’s decide to be big people who can discuss the tough, uncomfortable subjects and decide as a couple what we want to do when it comes to our sexual practices including the use of porn. Secret porn leads to shame, a parent/child dysfunctional pattern and even porn addiction.

In addition to putting your relationship first, put your emotional well being first. If one let’s porn pull him (or her) in so that it becomes too much of a focus, it is not leading to the emotional and spiritual development that one can achieve in life.

If porn is used by the couple as dessert, that is fine. When porn becomes the sexual entrée that is problematic especially when done in secrecy. Porn-proof your marriage by:

1)  discriminating what you put in front of your eyes and give your precious energy to and

2)  decide to be brave and open up with your partner (and hopefully vice versa)  (NO SECRETS!)

If you need help with this problem, I can help. Feel free to contact me so that we can make sure that porn does not infect your committed relationship. I will be writing more on this topic in the near future!

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  • How to Porn-Proof Your Marriage - CheatingSupport.com says:

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