I am a marriage and sex therapist. We all have fantasies…that’s a normal part of being human. Today’s article is all about honoring your fantasies and your committed relationship…yes, that’s possible so please read on.
In my practice and in society in general I see far to many people are getting divorced and too many people are being unfaithful.
My main purposes in life besides helping couples heal is to help prevent these problems.
The reasons for these problems are multiple and complex but I want to address one important one here.
Men and women have fantasies, some have many and some have few but most of us have certain sexual things we like to see, do or hear, certain body shapes and parts, etc. In many relationships, unfortunately, people keep these fantasies as secrets, afraid of the negative consequences of letting their intimate partner know.
The problem here is that some sexual piece of the person, which can actually be very energizing is kept from the partner and the relationship can lose some vital energy and passion.
Over the course of time, this can erode the sexual and even emotional connection between the couple.
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Another negative possibility is that a person acts out the fantasy secretively behind their partner’s back.
I have seen that in most couples, the better thing to do is to share fantasies. It is a part of life; it is how we are wired.
Why should we hide that?
Despite the initial awkwardness and anxiety of couple’s opening about these sides of their sexuality, eventually the couple can expand their comfort zone and include more of each other’s (previously taboo) parts of themselves. The feeling can be exciting and loving at the same time. It is quite stimulating to express a fantasy that is accepted by the partner.
This is very different than acting them out.
I am just talking about sharing what is going on in the minds and bodies of each person n the relationship.
When you share these preciously private feelings, preferences and desires with your partner, your intimacy is increased with each other. This to me is the definition of mature commitment. Mature commitment is the commitment to allow each person to express all that he or she is.
Once fantasies are expressed, the maturing couple can decide what they want to do about it. They could do nothing or they could do something as long as it all is agreed upon by both parties.
If you want help as a couple opening up to these sides of each other, feel free to contact me and I would love to help.
There you have it; with courage and the desire to be close with each other. Honoring your fantasies and committed relationship is not only possible it’s good for your relationship.
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