I talk a lot about how to heal from infidelity and I have helped a lot of couples thrive after this interpersonal crisis. Having said that, being faithful to your spouse or committed partner has many advantages. These advantages include
- No guilt or anxiety about secrets
- It is easier to feel closer to your mate
- You can focus on creating a phenomenal intimate life with your partner as you “grow up” together with no exits such as extramarital relationships.
So here are the 5 Rules of Fidelity and if you follow these rules, you will have the best chance at having a happy long-term faithful committed relationship.
- Spend 10 quality minutes (at the minimum of course) with your partner where you both focus on each other’s feelings, emotions and desires. Being physically affectionate with each other during these 10 minutes works as well! Do this daily!!!
- Be willing to talk about the tough stuff with each other. Reveal things that are difficult to share even if you are concerned about his or her reaction.. This action cuts down significantly on the chance of acting out some of these more (shadowy) sides of your personality.
- If you need or want to talk to someone from the opposite sex, let your partner know and make sure your spouse gets a chance to meet this person if possible. If this other person, (whether it is an old friend, colleague, etc.) is unwilling to meet your spouse, then you need to be unwilling to meet your old friend or colleague alone. That is a red flag sign that the other person does not respect your committed relationship.
- If you need to go out of town for a while, contact your intimate partner frequently and while you are away, be wary of drinking too much or using any drugs that can interfere with your judgment.
- Think about the long-term effects of giving in to temptation. I actually mean- take some time to think about the benefits of being faithful and the pain of being unfaithful even if it means saying no to some temporary pleasure. Thinking about it beforehand can actually help us have good judgment even when faced with temptation.
Following these 5 rules of fidelity is really about creating an optimal, amazing, alive, passionate relationship. Be focused on that goal and do not let other people or even your more shadowy sides of yourself interfere with what you truly want for the long term.
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