Decide to be appreciative and think of all the ways people have been there for you.  Of course, people can let you down and there are disappoints, but this weekend; focus on how you are loved.  Think about the different ways people love you.  Some show it by action, some by words.  Some show it with affection and some show it by wanting to spend time with you.   Enjoy the people in your life!

Here’s to getting the love you want!

The post Focus On How You Are Loved This Weekend appeared first on toddcreager.com.

Body image, how you view and feel about your body is an important aspect of your life whether you are single or in a committed relationship.  Society has put forth its own versions of what is acceptable or not and what is attractive or not.  Remember this: be sure to take care of yourself, eat well, exercise and practice good self care and hygiene.  This is for you not just your partner or prospective partner.  You have control over those things and your motivation should be health and well being.

Where lines become crossed is where our own internal inner critic can judge us because we are not perfect.  I have had many clients in my office say they can only have sex in the dark or take their clothes off under the sheets.  That is no way to live and no way to have intimacy.  It is important to embrace your body; its shape, your face.  It is yours.  Expose yourself and do not hide.  If you hide your body, you add fuel to your own inner judge.  If you have a partner that is a perfectionist, then strongly suggest that he gets some therapeutic help to see what is underlying HIS inner critic which is then taken out on you.

You need to celebrate yourself and celebrating your body that life gave to you is part of that celebration.

In summary- do everything you can to take care of yourself and to feel good.  After that, your job is to embrace your body.  Take your clothes off in front of your partner; make love with the lights on (at least some of the time).  Make sure that you don’t let your inner critic get in the way of enjoying your life and your intimacy!

Here’s to getting the love you want!

The post Why Celebrating Your Body Image is Important appeared first on toddcreager.com.

When you stop to consider the progress we have made as a society to be connected, it is amazing.  But does all of this connectedness make sense?

Check out the article and read more at: http://www.foxnews.com/tech/2013/05/16/over-connected-dark-side-to-internet-things/#ixzz2VBLQ05vL

The post Are we over connected? appeared first on toddcreager.com.

You’ll hear about what are the main blocks to relationship happiness and how to overcome them, my personal definition of foreplay and how important it is to intimacy health as many other important topics. The interview, Dear Mrs. D, is a friend of mine who asks great questions and helped create an enjoyable and informative dialogue with me as her guest.

Listen to the show and feel free to give me your feedback and questions.

Here is the link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dearmrsd/2013/03/05/dates-mates-key-to-a-long-hot-marriage-w-todd-creager

The post How to have a sexy passionate marriage appeared first on toddcreager.com.

Are you very serious by day or maybe you have a very serious job? This weekend you may want to express the opposite of that in the bedroom.  Let loose and be playful.

Or maybe you take orders all day from a boss or customers.  You may want to be a leader in the bedroom this weekend.  Or maybe you lead and manage all day and want to “surrender” in the bedroom this weekend.

In most areas of life, we need to be politically correct, do our roles and make life work.  Behind closed doors, we can explore and express other aspects of who we are.  We don’t always have to be so politically correct in the bedroom.

  I am a believer that almost anything goes in the bedroom as long as it follows two main rules:

1. It is consensual.
2. It doesn’t only feel good when you are doing whatever sexual activity you are doing but that the next day, week and month, it still feels good if you reflect on what you did.

The sexual arena is a place to explore and often act outside the lines that have been drawn for you by yourself

and others in other areas of your life.

Why was “50 Shades of Gray” such a sensation?  Partly because, many people live their lives including their sex lives so conventionally and they yearn to stretch their own boundaries.  I am not saying that you have to be like Christian Gray or that you even have to get involved with power games (even though that can add spice to ones sex life if done respectfully and playfully).

Simply stated, give yourself permission to do something or even be someone different.  Discuss this with your partner.  Take the time to experience something new and different in your intimate lives.

Here’s to getting the love you want!

The post Find your alter ego in the bedroom appeared first on toddcreager.com.

Who is the modern, masculine dating man? The old images of masculinity were men picking up their women in a nice car, taking them to a nice restaurant and sharing all their triumphs with their date.

In and of itself, none of that is bad. However, things have changed.

Just like it is not enough for the married man to mow the lawn on Sundays, it is not enough for the single man to pull up in a nice vehicle and drive real fast.

Women have come into their own. They are having their own sense of who they are separate of how men define them. They are successful, sexual and assertive.

Single men need to grow and change into what I call the “modern masculine man.”

The definition of masculinity that makes sense to me is anything that brings out thefemininity of the female – the part of her that can open up her heart and trust the man will be there for her whether it is emotionally, sexually or physically.

The modern woman needs to trust her man. From 30 years of being a relationship expert, here are the keys to being the masculine man.

Keep reading more at Dating Advice.com:  http://www.datingadvice.com/for-men/how-to-be-the-modern-don-draper

Photo source: classicir.com.

The post Who is the modern, masculine dating man? appeared first on toddcreager.com.

The post 3 Tips to Overcome a Fear of Commitment appeared first on toddcreager.com.

Body image, how you view and feel about your body is an important aspect of your life whether you are single or in a committed relationship.  Society has put forth its own versions of what is acceptable or not and what is attractive or not.

Remember this: be sure to take care of yourself, eat well, exercise and practice god self care and hygiene.  This is for YOU, not just your partner or prospective partner.  You have control over these things and your motivation should be your own health and well being.

Where lines become crossed is when our own internal inner critic judges us because we are not perfect.  I have had many clients in my office say they can only have sex in the dark or take their clothes off under the sheets.  This is no way to live and no way to have intimacy.

It is important to embrace your body; its shape, your face.  It is yours.  Expose yourself and do not hide.  If you hide your body, you add fuel to your own inner judge.  If you have a partner that is a perfectionist, then strongly suggest that he gets some therapeutic help to see what is underlying HIS inner critic, which is then taken out on you.

You need to celebrate yourself and celebrating your body that life gave to you is part of that celebration.

In summary: do everything you can to take care of yourself and to feel good.  After that, your job is to embrace your body.  Take your clothes off in front of your partner; make love with the lights on (at least some of the time).

Make sure that you don’t let your inner critic get in the way of enjoying your life and your intimacy!

Here’s to getting the love you want!

The post Celebrate and embrace your body appeared first on toddcreager.com.

When dealing with infidelity in a relationship, it is totally up to each couple whether they want to heal and stay together or break up.  As a therapist, I need to honor whatever each partner decides to do.

Still, I have had tremendous gratification helping couples not only heal but also have a stronger, deeper relationship after the affair.  This happens as they begin viewing the affair as a symptom of a deeper problem that needs to be looked at.  As a couple deciphers the meaning and message of the affair, they can find alternative and more creative ways of solving the “problem” that the affair “solved” with a whole lot less negative consequences!

Success story # 1 involves a couple where there was an affair.  The husband was discovered cheating by the wife and after coming in as a couple, she decided to give the marriage another chance.  He then came in for individual therapy for a series of sessions where he realized that he had a great need for affirmation.  He was feeling inferior to his wife because of her emotional and social skills as well as her excelling ability to make money.  He found a woman who seemed to look up to him and he sabotaged his marriage just to get that feeling again of being good enough and masculine.  He realized that he always had a very critical voice inside his head as well as a habit of feeling inferior and guilty.

We explored how his mother would evoke guilt which led to him constantly give up his true self to please her.  The problem was that he could never please her for long because of her neediness.  He was able to learn how to deal with his own inner critic and see himself as an equal to his wife.  He eventually forgave himself for his infidelity and as his wife saw his internal changes, she was able to forgive him as well.  Six years later, their marriage is strong and stable.

Success story # 2 involves also a man who cheated (however women cheat about as much as men these days), but for a totally different reason.  This man was married to a very sweet, quiet woman.  They settled into their marriage and stopped communicating.  They lost their “we” connection that they had when courting and mostly did their own thing.  When they did come together, it was either for infrequent and lukewarm sex or watching TV without touch or dialogue.  She did get pregnant during one of their infrequent sexual experiences.  While pregnant, he met a woman at work who showed excitement to be with him.  He experienced feelings he had not experienced since the early days of his relationship with his wife.  They had an affair and this relationship gave the husband that “we” feeling again.  The wife found out about their 9-month affair when the baby was 3 months old.

This sure looked like a relationship and family headed for disaster.   They actually came to see me for a short time and then stopped coming because he would not give up his affair.  They separated but about 3 months later, he gave me a call.  His words were, “I do not want to lose my family.  I have made a mistake and want to correct it and if my wife is willing, I would like to come back to couples counseling.  She was understandably reluctant and resentful but in a few weeks, she agreed, feeling like she just had to explore this process before totally walking away from the marriage.

• This time, without an extramarital relationship to deal with, they started new communication habits.  They learned from me how to locate and express their deep pain, feelings and desires.
• They learned how to listen and be receptive to each other.
• They started to feel like a “we” again as they kept the commitment of communicating for at least 10 quality minutes a day.

When his wife said, “How would I know if he was cheating again?” I said that there are no guarantees.  Then I said, “However, if he continues to communicate as he is and you reciprocate (which was so different than what happened between them before the affair), the chances of him cheating get significantly lower.”  I told her that she had to decide to take a chance on him or not but that if she did; it was also her chance of having a loving relationship with her husband as well as an intact family.  She put her full heart into it as did he and to this day, they are emotionally and sexually connected and raising their family.

These are two examples among many others of couples who successfully healed as well as learned from their pain.  They deciphered with my help the message of the infidelity and had the courage to take the steps to create a thriving intimate relationship.

Not all relationships work out and as the couple I worked with on Oprah Winfrey’s show “Unfaithful,” sometimes couples can still heal from infidelity even though they decide to get divorced.  Forgiveness allows the forgiving person the freedom to not hurt anymore.  Whether couples work it out as the two I mentioned or couples are not able to work it out, all partners can learn more about themselves and their (ex) partner by understanding what purpose (no matter how painful) the infidelity served.

The post Successful Couples who Healed after Infidelity appeared first on toddcreager.com.

Take turns giving each other a loving, attentive massage from head to toe.  Get some massage oil and find a good place to do it.  Maybe you could even rent a massage table.   There are even classes these days where professional massage therapists teach you how to massage each other.  If you are interested in that, I have several referrals for you.  That is optional though.

Enjoy giving and receiving massage even if you have never done this activity with your spouse before.

Here’s to getting the love you want!

The post Let this Be Massage Weekend appeared first on toddcreager.com.