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Communicate your way to a sexier relationship

Photo credit:  my dearvalentine

Are you ready for a sexier relationship 2014?

Ready or not, this article once read and applied will make you sexier. Sexy is about adding color to a life that may be too black and white. Sexy might be about revealing something new and intriguing about yourself to your partner.  Sexy might be about revealing a sexy fantasy or asking your partner about his or hers.

If you remember about my last article that I wrote about in December, I talked about the importance of listening to yourself to discover something new or possibly different in yourself that you may want to get to know. I’m strongly suggesting that you stop resisting aspects of yourself that you may have been resisting before, whether it was conscious or unconscious.  This could be the year that you go outside your box and accept the previously unacceptable.  We are not talking about doing anything harmful or illegal.  This is more about unsurpressing aspects of you that can be noticed and possibly acted on.

Okay, let’s stop beating around the bush (no pun intended).  Ask yourself about a sexual fantasy you may have or sexual preference that you have that you had been too embarrassed or too afraid to discuss with your partner.  Did you come up with something? If you did write it down.

As I discussed in the last article on communication, communication involves both expressing and listening. You’re going to have to get your partner ready for this new communication so that he or she is open to listening and being receptive.  That’s right, in healthy communication you need to be sensitive to the person you are communicating with.

Here is an example of what has worked with partners doing this that I saw in my private practice:

“Honey, I want to share something with you to open me up a little bit with you.  Is it ok if I share something a little risqué with you?”

Once she says yes, you now have the green light and she won’t be so blindsided.  If she responds positively to it, you have just opened the relationship up to another level.  If she responds negatively, the absolute best thing you can do it to become a curious and interested listener.  Ask her, “What are you feeling when you react that way?”

Be kind and be patient.  

Once she expresses her negative emotions and you listen well and be understanding, there is a good chance that her own curiosity will take over and she may shift toward a more positive response.  It may happen right away; it may happen a week from now.  Stay open to your experience and accept your choice to express and at the same time, be open to her experience. You may have to revisit that dialogue numerous times.

Change is great and needed in relationships but people resist and cling to the familiar.

Let’s get philosophical for a second…

Life is truly what you make it to be. 2014 can be the year that you make a choice; a choice to be more alive, more creative, and claim your place in your intimate relationship as a powerful interpersonal partner who can affect change, positive change with your partner.

We all come from families the powerfully shaped who we are. Our parents and grandparents had their own style of communicating and had levels of awareness that we have had no control over. Basically we have received the legacy of their own state of consciousness. 2014 can be the year that you choose to go beyond your ancestries level of awareness and begin having options that they never had in their intimate relationships and in their world.

Commit this new philosophy to words and actions. Communicate your sexual fantasy or preferences to your partner. Be sensitive to her reaction (or his).

If you need any help with this new pattern you are beginning, please feel free to contact me. I’ll be happy to be your coach to help lead you to a sexier, more satisfying, more fulfilling relationship in the year 2014. You can contact me by calling at 714-848-2288 or you can email me at Todd@ToddCreager.com.

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