The bottom line on healing from infidelity

The Bottom Line when it Comes to Healing From Infidelity

By | Cheating, Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Intimacy, Marital Problems, Marriage Advice, Relationships | No Comments

Infidelity It can tear at the very fabric of a relationship. I see couples devastated by this every day I am at my office.  And yet, I find that many of these couples find away to heal from the crisis and develop more evolved, more connected and more loving relationships than they had ever had before. I work with some of these couples on a weekly basis; others come for a weekend intensive.   However the couple decides to proceed with…

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5 Signs that a Betrayed Person can Trust the Partner Again

5 Signs that a Betrayed Person can Trust the Partner Again

By | Cheating, Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Intimacy, Marital Problems, Marriage, Toxic Relationships | No Comments

Your partner cheated on you.  You discovered the affair.  You both have been working on the relationship and trying to heal.  However, you have been hurt in one of the most painful ways possible and it is difficult to let your guard down.  “What if he or she does it again?  Then I will REALLY feel like a fool!”   It makes sense to hold back trust.  It makes sense to be protective.  However, if that continues for a long time,…

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Couple happy after surviving infidelity

Case Study: Keys to Surviving Infidelity Successfully

By | Infidelity, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems | 2 Comments

In this case study I share one of my favorite surviving infidelity success stories. I touch on 2 very important points that are needed to surviving infidelity successfully: 1.  Showing compassion to the injured partner 2.  Uncovering why the infidelity happened. Understanding that the person committing the infidelity isn't a bad person and uncovering the issues behind the infidelity is a major factor and to help prevent affairs from happening again. Both are important factors that help me to have...

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De-stress NOW and Enjoy the Holidays

De-stress NOW and Enjoy the Holidays

By | Communication, Harmony, Holidays, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Meditation, Peace, Spirituality | No Comments

Another client just called me and asked if I could forgive her if she canceled late and not be charged. (I have a 48-hour cancellation policy).  She is plowed under with a lot of Christmas cards to get out.  I felt like being generous so I let her off the hook.  She released a sigh of relief.   This is a common scenario and many of you reading this can relate.  My wife and I went to REI because I…

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I Just Found Out My Partner is Having an Affair

I Just Found Out My Partner is Having an Affair!

By | Communication, Infidelity, Marital Problems, Relationships | No Comments

How Much Do I Need to Know? This is a very important and challenging question for people who are betrayed.  The betrayed spouse is usually blindsided, confused and devastated.  The question- “Who is this person I am supposedly committed to?” is both understandable and painful.   How much detail should the betrayed person know? Most of my clients who have discovered infidelity want to know everything.  There is such a feeling of vulnerability that knowing everything would seemingly be a way…

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If You Want to Cheat, Just Tell Your Partner First!

If You Want to Cheat, Just Tell Your Partner First!

By | Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Long Hot Marriage, Marital Problems, Marriage, Relationships, Sex | No Comments

A True Story Let me tell you about a couple who saw me for relationship issues but avoided the more damaging issue of infidelity.  This is their (abridged) story. They had their second child and the kids were less than 2 years apart.  The husband was frustrated with the lack of sex and intimacy.  She was exhausted a lot and the last thing on her mind was having sexual pleasure.  She just needed to get through another day.  They both…

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Infidelity is an Interpersonal Crime!

Infidelity is an Interpersonal Crime!

By | Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Intimacy, Love, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Relationships, Sex, Toxic Relationships | 3 Comments

One of the more common things I do is help couples who have experienced infidelity survive and even thrive.  As I have said before, the great majority of these couples are successful in treatment.  However, I am clear on one thing- cheating and all the secrecy and deception that goes with it steals from the betrayed partner.  It steals a very important right- the right to have information in order to make a good decision.  You cannot make a good…

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Problems with Low Sexual Desire

Problems with Low Sexual Desire

By | Long Hot Marriage, Low sexual desire, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Marriage Advice, Relationships, Romance, Sex | No Comments

I have helped many people who have had less libido than they or their partner wanted. My video coming out later this month will discuss this in more detail. I will also be writing an article that goes into relationship dynamics that contribute to sexual desire issues in more detail. There can be a variety of factors that can cause someone to have less sexual interest including: 1) Hormonal influences 2) Medication Side Effects 3) Childhood or adult trauma especially…

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Partners Who Cheat are Not Looking for Another Lover

By | Committment, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Relationships, Romance, Successful Marriages | No Comments

Did I just say that? Yes I did! People who cheat really looking for a different self and I explain why in detail in this short video. Watch the video and get a better idea of what people who cheat are looking for.  It will help you to understand why people cheat and see why you shouldn’t take their actions personally. I don’t want to diminish the fact that there is pain involved when affairs happen.   Only when you…

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The # 1 Way To Prevent Infidelity

The # 1 Way To Prevent Infidelity

By | Committment, Infidelity, Intimacy, Love, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems | No Comments

I have written and talked much about the many factors that can contribute to infidelity.  However, there is one way to prevent infidelity that trumps all others.  OPEN AND COURAGEOUS COMMUNICATION.    The biggest problem with interpersonal relationships is that we suppress, hold back and hide our feelings, preferences and desires that we think may provoke the other person or “get us in trouble.”   By observing my clients, I have discovered that conflict avoidance is one of the more common antecedents…

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