Couple happy after surviving infidelity

Case Study: Keys to Surviving Infidelity Successfully

By | Infidelity, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems | 2 Comments

In this case study I share one of my favorite surviving infidelity success stories. I touch on 2 very important points that are needed to surviving infidelity successfully: 1.  Showing compassion to the injured partner 2.  Uncovering why the infidelity happened. Understanding that the person committing the infidelity isn't a bad person and uncovering the issues behind the infidelity is a major factor and to help prevent affairs from happening again. Both are important factors that help me to have...

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Case Study: How EMDR Healed Childhood Trauma

By | EMDR, Healing from Sexual Trauma, Infidelity, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems | No Comments

Trauma of any nature is a very touchy subject and not one that many therapists speak publicly about. In this short video I am sharing with you how EMDR healed childhood trauma and gave this couple needed help to repair their relationship. It's a big issue according to the Journal of Traumatic Stress.  According to a study in North Carolina 68% of children and adolescents experienced at least one potentially traumatic event by the age of 16.  So I feel...

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I Just Found Out My Partner is Having an Affair

I Just Found Out My Partner is Having an Affair!

By | Communication, Infidelity, Marital Problems, Relationships | No Comments

How Much Do I Need to Know? This is a very important and challenging question for people who are betrayed.  The betrayed spouse is usually blindsided, confused and devastated.  The question- “Who is this person I am supposedly committed to?” is both understandable and painful.   How much detail should the betrayed person know? Most of my clients who have discovered infidelity want to know everything.  There is such a feeling of vulnerability that knowing everything would seemingly be a way…

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Five Keys to Restoring Trust After Infidelity

Five Keys to Restoring Trust After Infidelity

By | Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Marital Advice, Marriage Advice, Relationships, Sex | No Comments

1)   Get therapy with a reputable expert in infidelity and discover the factors (not excuses) that led to the affair so that alternative healthier solutions can be practiced. 2)   Look for behavioral change  (depending on whatever was discovered as to what was behind the secretive actions) in the relationship that lets you know that something different is truly happening and that there is reason to take a chance on your partner again. 3)   Whenever there is a “risky” situation such as…

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If You Want to Cheat, Just Tell Your Partner First!

If You Want to Cheat, Just Tell Your Partner First!

By | Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Long Hot Marriage, Marital Problems, Marriage, Relationships, Sex | No Comments

A True Story Let me tell you about a couple who saw me for relationship issues but avoided the more damaging issue of infidelity.  This is their (abridged) story. They had their second child and the kids were less than 2 years apart.  The husband was frustrated with the lack of sex and intimacy.  She was exhausted a lot and the last thing on her mind was having sexual pleasure.  She just needed to get through another day.  They both…

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Infidelity is an Interpersonal Crime!

Infidelity is an Interpersonal Crime!

By | Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Intimacy, Love, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Relationships, Sex, Toxic Relationships | 3 Comments

One of the more common things I do is help couples who have experienced infidelity survive and even thrive.  As I have said before, the great majority of these couples are successful in treatment.  However, I am clear on one thing- cheating and all the secrecy and deception that goes with it steals from the betrayed partner.  It steals a very important right- the right to have information in order to make a good decision.  You cannot make a good…

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The # 1 Way To Prevent Infidelity

The # 1 Way To Prevent Infidelity

By | Committment, Infidelity, Intimacy, Love, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems | No Comments

I have written and talked much about the many factors that can contribute to infidelity.  However, there is one way to prevent infidelity that trumps all others.  OPEN AND COURAGEOUS COMMUNICATION.    The biggest problem with interpersonal relationships is that we suppress, hold back and hide our feelings, preferences and desires that we think may provoke the other person or “get us in trouble.”   By observing my clients, I have discovered that conflict avoidance is one of the more common antecedents…

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Why There is So Much Infidelity?

Why There is So Much Infidelity?

By | Committment, Infidelity, Intimacy, Love advice, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Relationships, Romance | No Comments

Infidelity is very common and a good portion of my practice consists of people coming to see me after discovering there has been an extramarital relationship.  The question is why?  I am going to give my best partial answer, partial because it is such a big question and I as well as other experts in the field can write volumes on this question.  However, for the purpose of this brief writing, I will list these 5 IMPORTANT reasons: 1)   It…

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5 Ways Cheating Cheats the Cheater

By | Committment, Communication, Infidelity, Intimacy, Marriage Advice, Relationships | No Comments

You might be surprised to hear it but the betrayed partner isn’t the only person who is hurt by infidelity. The cheater is actually in a lot of pain too. I’ve seen this over and over again in my practice helping hundreds of couples dealing with the aftermath of infidelity. The partner who cheats is likely suffering from both guilt and low esteem. Watch this short video where I talk about 5 most common ways  cheating robs the cheater of…

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Genetic Causes of Infidelity

Genetic Causes of Infidelity (and Gingivitis)

By | Committment, Communication, Infidelity, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Relationships | No Comments

As a professor, I have been discussing the role that hormones and neurochemistry play in attraction, bonding and sexuality in my Human Sexuality class.  Brendon Zietsch, a psychologist in the University of Queensland in Australia says: “Women who carry certain variants of the vasopressin receptor gene are much more likely to engage in “extra pair bonding,” the scientific euphemism for sexual infidelity.”  There are many studies that confirm that oxytocin and vasopressin (hormones) are linked to partner bonding, which are…

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