Healing from Trauma: Getting Past Your Past

By | Divorce, Dysfunctional Family, Healing, Marriage Problems, Parenting, Videos | No Comments

Relationships struggle from time to time; it happens. However, if you or a loved one consistently are impeded in your emotional well-being, you might be suffering from trauma. It can be trauma from your childhood, more recent, or even from your relationship itself. No matter how difficult, healing can happen. Check out the latest technique I’ve been learning about that helps quickly erase the effects of living the pain over and over again, and helps you get back to the…

Read More

3 Ways Caring Relationships Can Help a Trauma Survivor

By | Coping, Counseling, Healing, Love, Mind/Body Health, Relationships, Toxic Relationships | One Comment

Newborns and young babies depend on their caretakers to regulate their emotions until their brain is sufficiently developed to be able to regulate more on their own.  When a person goes through a trauma, there is cortisol shooting through the person’s system and is it difficult to regulate feelings and like the newborn can benefit greatly from supportive caring interpersonal relationships.  One of the most accepted and researched psychological theories is attachment theory which basically states that the primary motivation…

Read More

5 Steps to Recover from the Emotional Trauma of Abuse

By | Coping, Counseling, Healing, Relationships | No Comments

Whether it is physical, sexual or verbal abuse, victims have emotional wounds.  If these wounds make it difficult to move on or you repeat the same victimization over and over again, or you avoid future relationships because of the past, you may have PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder.  The four signs of PTSD as described in the DSM5, the newest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual are: Negative Alterations of Cognition and Mood i.e.- feeling that you are bad or a terrible…

Read More
Toxic Relationship: Couple Quarreling

Verbal Abuse Can Be Subtle and Traumatic

By | Coping, Counseling, Dysfunctional Family, Healing, Relationships, Toxic Relationships | 8 Comments

This article will be written as if the males are the abusers and the females are the victims, which is true according to research the majority of the time.  However, if you are a male that is the victim or a female who is the perpetrator, please just swap the pronouns in your head. It is easy to understand that sexual and physical abuse can be traumatic.   It is also easy to understand that severe verbal abuse (i.e.-yelling, name calling)…

Read More

How Childhood Trauma Can Ruin Your Current Relationship and How to Heal So It Doesn’t

By | Coping, Healing, Long Hot Marriage, Love, Love advice, Marriage Advice, Relationships, Toxic Relationships | 3 Comments

As a therapist, I deal with couples that are having challenges in their relationship.  As a professor at the USC School of Social Work, I teach graduate students the relationship between early developmental childhood trauma and the emotional, behavioral and cognitive symptoms that clients present when they come see the student interns for therapy.  One of the things I teach my students is that the brain develops in the first few years of life to adapt to the family who…

Read More

Communication in Relationships: Effective and Destructive

By | Communication, Conflict Resolution, Coping, Counseling, Dysfunctional Family, Family Relationships, Healing, Intimacy, Love, Love advice, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Parenting, Relationships, Successful Marriages, Toxic Relationships | No Comments

Effective: Clean communication- clean communication is when the only intent of your communication is to reveal something about yourself. Example: I am angry with you for getting defensive rather than listening. Destructive: Unclean communication- unclean communication is when you have other intentions such as punishing the other person defending yourself, getting rid of your own tension or proving you are right. Example: Yelling loudly- your listening skills suck!  (Getting rid of tension) Effective: Being receptive which includes dropping your own…

Read More
Toxic Relationship: Couple Quarreling

“You’re the Worst Communicator Ever”- Confessions of a Marriage Therapist- (Me)

By | Communication, Conflict Resolution, Coping, Counseling, Dysfunctional Family, Family Relationships, Healing, Intimacy, Love, Love advice, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Parenting, Relationships, Toxic Relationships | No Comments

I have been to many parties where people would come up to my wife and say- “You must have a perfect marriage- you are married to a marriage therapist.”  And my wife found that comment very funny!  The truth is- yes- I am a marriage therapist, and I am also a human being who grew up in a family where great communication was not modeled.  There were many times I would be helping a couple with communication and suddenly had…

Read More

Communication: Bickering, Yelling, Withdrawing, and Suppressing

By | Communication, Conflict Resolution, Counseling, Family Relationships, Healing, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage, Love, Love advice, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Relationships, Successful Marriages, Toxic Relationships, Videos | 2 Comments

Ever have a simple item of discussion turn into a multiple hour fight? What should have been a simple chat, becomes another battle; and by the end of it, you’re no closer together. I see it all the time with the couples I help. It comes down to a few styles of communication that are standing in the way of smooth sailing.  Watch this video to find out what kind of dynamic is going on in your home. And of…

Read More

The Most Important Element Of Communication Nobody Talks About

By | Communication, Conflict Resolution, Coping, Counseling, Healing, Intimacy, Love, Marital Problems, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems | 2 Comments

Say “I” statements. Don’t be defensive. Repeat the words that your partner said. These are a few of the things people hear at basic communication seminars or what they read in communication articles. That is all well and good except that there is something that everyone has to do before anything else so that communication can be effective. And here it is: DROP YOUR AGENDA! What do I mean by that? I mean stop trying to accomplish ANYTHING when your…

Read More

7 Ways To Make Sure Your Partner Will Leave You

By | Committment, Communication, Conflict Resolution, Counseling, Creating More Passion in Marriage, Divorce, Great Sex, Healing, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage, Love, Love advice, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Romance, Sex, Sexy, Successful Marriages | One Comment

One thing I have learned as a marriage and sex therapist is that our role models have fallen short in instructing us how to have a thriving marriage.  It’s not their fault; they just did not know. The good news is that there are guides “out there” and resources inside of each one of us that could help us experience the committed relationship we would love to have.  So read between the lines in this article! Here are 7 ways…

Read More