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Infidelity- When Does It Make Sense to Stay

Infidelity- When Does It Make Sense to Stay? The Necessary Seven Conditions

By | Commitment, Communication, Healing, Infidelity, Intimacy, Love advice, Marital Problems, Marriage Advice | One Comment

We are hearing about it all the time in the media- politicians, celebrities- infidelity is rampant and is as painful as it is rampant.   Maybe you have experienced it either as one who was betrayed or the one who betrayed. I have many couples each week that I work with on this painful problem and most of the time there is ambivalence on the part of the betrayed partner.  Should I stay or should I go?  This article is discussing…

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Using the brain to be resilient

How to Reduce Stress and Be Resilient: Part 2

By | Gratitude, Healing, Meditation, Mind/Body Health, Mindfulness, Peace | No Comments

In last week's article I shared these 7 tips to recover quickly from stress and become more resilient. In this post I'll be sharing 7 tips to work with your mind to be resilient.  It is also just as possible and important to use your mind to release stress and be resilient.   Here are 7 ways you can use your mind to maintain a state of wellbeing whether you are going through challenging circumstances or not: #1:  Imagine things working out just the...

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Gratefulness Can Make you Healthy, Wealthy and Sexy

Gratefulness Can Make you Healthy, Wealthy and Sexy

By | Commitment, Gratitude, Healing, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage, Marital Advice | No Comments

So, the number one self-healing thing I do is not healthy eating and not exercise.  It is practicing being grateful.  I even am practicing gratefulness right now as I sit having just watched my team; the LA Dodgers lose in the 7th game of a World Series.  Now that takes some doing!  Why is being grateful so important? Feeling grateful leads to your blood vessels dilating, your cortisol lowering, and your muscles relaxing.  A grateful person feels safe and a…

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Opening Your Heart After Infidelity

Opening Your Heart After Infidelity

By | Cheating, Healing, Infidelity | No Comments

How To Trust Again When You’ve Been Betrayed When I write these articles, I know that every couple is unique.  There is not just one blueprint for healing, yet I know it is possible to begin opening your heart after infidelity has happened.  I do not work with couples in the exact same way, because partners have different childhoods, different wounding, different capacities to be resilient and different needs.  However here are some truths that I have found to be…

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How to help your partner heal from sexual trauma

How to Help Your Partner Heal from Sexual Trauma

By | Communication, Counseling, Healing, Healing from Sexual Trauma, Molestation, Rape, Sexual abuse, Sexual Trauma, Trauma | No Comments

A few days ago, I wrote about 7 different touching exercises couples can do together to help one or both heal from sexual trauma.  Here are five important things a partner can do to help the sexual trauma victim heal. Get educated.  Read articles and maybe even go to a sexual trauma expert to learn about how sexual trauma affects people. Encourage your partner to see a qualified therapist if he or she is not seeing one already. Be willing…

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7 Tips to Associate Touch with Love and Safety

Re-learning Touch: 7 Tips to Associate Touch with Love and Safety

By | Counseling, Healing, Healing from Sexual Trauma, Rape, Sexual Trauma, Trauma | No Comments

Victims of sexual trauma have learned to associate touch with shame, feeling out of control and danger. They are often left feeling as if they are bad and unlovable; all due to the way a victim will cope with the overwhelming pain of the experience. As victims and partners are educated on the psychological and sexual effects of sexual trauma, this understanding can motivate couples to engage in touching exercises designed to shift the negative associations to positive. These touch…

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Healing from sexual trauma

Healing from Sexual Trauma

By | Counseling, Dysfunctional Family, EMDR, Healing, Healing from Sexual Trauma, Rape, Sexual abuse, Sexual Desire, Sexual Trauma, Trauma | No Comments

Many clients come to see me because of symptoms due to either molest, rape or other sexual trauma.  Two weeks ago, I talked about types of sexual trauma and last week I talked about how sexual trauma can affect sexuality.  This article, though brief will succinctly describe some of the things I do and recommend to help people heal from sexual trauma.  Here are 7 keys to healing from sexual trauma: 1)   Relationships are very important.  Having loved ones, or…

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How Sexual Trauma can Affect Sexuality

How Sexual Trauma can Affect Sexuality

By | Healing, Healing from Sexual Trauma, Pornography, Rape, Relationships, Sex, Sexual abuse, Sexual Dysfunction, Sexual Problem, Sexual Trauma, Trauma | No Comments

Trauma is an experience somebody has that is deeply distressing or disturbing.  Sexual trauma is particularly distressing because of the sense of powerlessness and betrayal that the victim feels.  Often, the perpetrator, whether it is childhood molest or adult rape is someone the victim knows well. Some victims where the trauma was once or a few times (of course one is one too many!), may not develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder particularly if the victim has a good support system,…

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5 Types of Sexual Trauma

5 Types of Sexual Trauma

By | Healing, Healing from Sexual Trauma, Pornography, Rape, Sex, Sexual abuse, Sexual Dysfunction, Sexual Problem, Sexual Trauma | No Comments

This month I am writing about sexual trauma and how it affects sexuality as an adult.  I will be covering types of sexual trauma, how it affects sexuality, effective treatment approaches and how partners of sexual traumas can be part of the healing.   Sexual trauma occurs when sex is non-consensual and/or coercive.  To adults need to both choose and consent to the sexual act.  When adults are being sexual with children, it is always non-consensual since the child is not…

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5 Tips for Spotting Toxic Relationships by Looking at Ourselves

5 Tips for Spotting Toxic Relationships by Looking at Ourselves

By | Domestic Violence, Healing, Relationships | No Comments

Is my relationship toxic? I have been asked this question many times by clients. So, how do you know if your relationship is toxic? Sometimes it is obvious. If your partner is yelling or screaming at you, physically abusing you, calling you names or cursing at you regularly, it is pretty easy to figure out. However, often, it is way subtler than that. When it is subtle, not only is it harder to get out of the toxic relationship but…

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