5 Signs that a Betrayed Person can Trust the Partner Again

5 Signs that a Betrayed Person can Trust the Partner Again

By | Cheating, Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Intimacy, Marital Problems, Marriage, Toxic Relationships | No Comments

Your partner cheated on you.  You discovered the affair.  You both have been working on the relationship and trying to heal.  However, you have been hurt in one of the most painful ways possible and it is difficult to let your guard down.  “What if he or she does it again?  Then I will REALLY feel like a fool!”   It makes sense to hold back trust.  It makes sense to be protective.  However, if that continues for a long time,…

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Alternatives to Infidelity - Healthy Ways to Regulate Your Emotions

Alternatives to Infidelity – Healthy Ways to Regulate Your Emotions

By | Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Intimacy, Relationships | No Comments

In my last blog, I talked about another way to think about infidelity- Infidelity is a way to regulate our emotions.  Down regulating consists of managing hyperarousal, stress and anxiety. Up-regulating consists of arousing or enlivening ourselves when we feel bored or empty.  I would recommend reading that article before continuing to read this one if you have not read it already.  I am not saying that if you do what I write below- infidelity issues will cease; it is…

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Why People Cheat- Another Look at Infidelity

Why People Cheat- Another Look at Infidelity

By | Commitment, Communication, Family Relationships, Infidelity, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage | No Comments

As a professor and psychotherapist, I have learned some things about early childhood development.  Infants and young children do not have the brain apparatus to regulate their emotions so they utilize their caretaker’s brains basically to do the regulation.  For example, the attuned mother can calm an anxious baby with touch or food or changing a wet diaper.  This is called down-regulation meaning that the mother in these examples helps the child go from a more stressed, inflamed state to…

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Adult Children of Alcoholics

Adult Children of Alcoholics: 10 Keys to Go From Dysfunctional Family to Thriving

By | Adult Children of Alcoholics, Communication, Dysfunctional Family, Family Problems, Family Relationships, Family Therapy | No Comments

I am writing today about adults who grew up with one or more alcoholic parents. Growing up in a family like this means usually that you grew up in either some kind of chaos or neglect or both.  Since that was the family you grew up in, it may feel “normal’” and it may at first be hard to notice the effects.  However, here are just some of the possible effects of living in an alcoholic home: You are very…

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My Siblings and I Never Talk_7 Tips to Heal and Deal

My Siblings and I Never Talk: 7 Tips to Heal and Deal

By | Communication, Dysfunctional Family, Family Problems, Family Relationships, Toxic Relationships | No Comments

Is your family close? Do you have at least one sibling that you communicate with on a regular basis? If you do, that is wonderful because having good relations with your family can cushion you against the stresses of life as well as help you rejoice in the good times. Being with family members who celebrate holidays together, get together consistently and are there for emotional support has been shown to increase emotional and physical wellbeing. However, what if that…

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Male Sexual Confidence

Male Sexual Confidence: The # 1 Way Men Can Get It

By | Attraction, Communication, Long Hot Marriage, Masculinity, Sexy, Sexy Marriage | No Comments

What is confidence?  One definition is belief in one’s own abilities.  That is great in many areas of life.  However, there are also many areas of life where confidence is NOT just about abilities and the sexual arena is definitely one of those areas.  Why, because- good sex is not about just one person; it is about two people and sex with one person will be very different than sex with someone else.  That other person will have different desires…

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Make Her Want You More

Make Her Want You More: Creating Polarity in Your Relationship

By | Attraction, Communication, Femininity, Long Hot Marriage, Marriage Advice, Masculinity, Sex, Sexual Desire | One Comment

Every relationship is different and there are many ways to create a passionate relationship. One thing I have found though, that is pretty constant in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships: Opposites attract; opposites in the sense of masculine and feminine energies. The masculine in all of you whether you are a man or a woman is the part of you that could “penetrate,” make an impact and lead. The feminine in you is the part that can receive, allow to…

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Creating the Long Hot Marriage

Creating the Long Hot Marriage: 10 Tips Your Parents Never Taught You

By | Commitment, Communication, Long Hot Marriage, Love, Marital Advice, Passion, Romance, Successful Marriages | No Comments

1) Your once hot marriage will probably cool off; that is normal and that is not really a problem. 2) Once your marriage cools off, there are most definitely things you can do to fan those embers and get it hot again. 3) Think about what you used to do that created passion in your relationship and do it again whether you feel like it or not. 4) Yes, in order for passion to be recreated, you need to do romantic and sexy gestures…

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Parenting and Romance

Parenting and Romance: Being Lovers When You Have Young Ones Around

By | Commitment, Communication, Love advice, Marital Advice, Relationships, Romance, Successful Marriages | No Comments

Many of my couples in my practice have babies and/or young children.  This is often when their sex life and romantic life wanes.  One or both parents are sleep deprived when the kids are very young.  As the kids get older but are still young, there is homework to help them with, extracurricular activities to get them to as well as all the other aspects of life that we need to take care of.  So when the heck can we…

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The Link Between Emotional Pain and Romance

I’m So Mad! Let’s Kiss!: The Link Between Emotional Pain and Romance

By | Commitment, Communication, Intimacy, Love advice, Marital Advice, Marriage Advice, Passion, Romance, Successful Marriages | No Comments

It is easy to be romantic in the beginning of relationships where our focus is on the pleasure and the positives.  But when the relationship continues, we get annoyed, hurt, frustrated and angry with our partner at times.  And we are supposed to be romantic anyway? Yes – pain is inevitable and pain is not the block to romance.  The block to romance happens when we let the pain disconnect us.  Our role models (mainly parents and grandparents) were not…

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