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Are We Built For Monogamy

Are We Built For Monogamy?

By | Commitment, Intimacy, Marriage Advice, Relationships, Romance, Successful Marriages | No Comments

I get this question a lot.  As a matter of fact, my 25-year-old daughter just asked me tonight.  (I thanked her for the inspiration of the title of this article). She asked, since I specialize with infidelity and help people who are in danger of getting divorced.   I understand that question. There are some real concerning statistics. I would say that we have wiring in the brain that is there to help us as individuals and our species survive.  Some…

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It Takes One To Make a Marriage

It Takes One To Make a Marriage

By | Commitment, Creating More Passion in Marriage, Healthy Marriage, Marriage, Sexy Marriage | No Comments

It takes two to tango- a common expression and actually literally true.  You cannot tango by yourself. However, when it comes to marriage, each partner has a lot of power to make a positive impact on the marriage and on each other.   Personally, I want my wife to be willing to grow and improve and be the best wife she can possibly be. However, I do not ever want to put myself in a position where I am waiting for…

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From Getting Divorced to Madly In Love

From Getting Divorced to Madly In Love: How This Couple Did It

By | Commitment, Divorce, Successful Marriages | No Comments

“There is a 90% chance that I will file for divorce.”   That is what Anna (I changed the name for confidentiality reasons) said when her husband was a few minutes late to their couples appointment.  Then she continued, “It has to be his way or the highway. I don’t feel like I have a voice in this marriage.” She was looking for apartments to move out unbeknownst to him at the time.  This was our second session together. I…

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Infidelity- When Does It Make Sense to Stay

Infidelity- When Does It Make Sense to Stay? The Necessary Seven Conditions

By | Commitment, Communication, Healing, Infidelity, Intimacy, Love advice, Marital Problems, Marriage Advice | One Comment

We are hearing about it all the time in the media- politicians, celebrities- infidelity is rampant and is as painful as it is rampant.   Maybe you have experienced it either as one who was betrayed or the one who betrayed. I have many couples each week that I work with on this painful problem and most of the time there is ambivalence on the part of the betrayed partner.  Should I stay or should I go?  This article is discussing…

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3 Essentials To Build Romance and Intimacy

3 Essentials To Build Romance and Intimacy

By | Commitment, Communication, Love advice, Love Languages, Marriage, Passion, Relationships, Romance | No Comments

You are that guy or woman who is romantic.   Do you know how many times I have heard: “Well, I’m just not the romantic type?”   Let’s just say…more than a few (thousand) times.   All those people could not be more wrong!  There is no such thing as a romantic type, especially when you have been with your partner for a while. There are those who are romantic because they naturally do the things that romantic people do…

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Gratefulness Can Make you Healthy, Wealthy and Sexy

Gratefulness Can Make you Healthy, Wealthy and Sexy

By | Commitment, Gratitude, Healing, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage, Marital Advice | No Comments

So, the number one self-healing thing I do is not healthy eating and not exercise.  It is practicing being grateful.  I even am practicing gratefulness right now as I sit having just watched my team; the LA Dodgers lose in the 7th game of a World Series.  Now that takes some doing!  Why is being grateful so important? Feeling grateful leads to your blood vessels dilating, your cortisol lowering, and your muscles relaxing.  A grateful person feels safe and a…

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The bottom line on healing from infidelity

The Bottom Line when it Comes to Healing From Infidelity

By | Cheating, Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Intimacy, Marital Problems, Marriage Advice, Relationships | No Comments

Infidelity It can tear at the very fabric of a relationship. I see couples devastated by this every day I am at my office.  And yet, I find that many of these couples find away to heal from the crisis and develop more evolved, more connected and more loving relationships than they had ever had before. I work with some of these couples on a weekly basis; others come for a weekend intensive.   However the couple decides to proceed with…

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5 Signs that a Betrayed Person can Trust the Partner Again

5 Signs that a Betrayed Person can Trust the Partner Again

By | Cheating, Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Intimacy, Marital Problems, Marriage, Toxic Relationships | No Comments

Your partner cheated on you.  You discovered the affair.  You both have been working on the relationship and trying to heal.  However, you have been hurt in one of the most painful ways possible and it is difficult to let your guard down.  “What if he or she does it again?  Then I will REALLY feel like a fool!”   It makes sense to hold back trust.  It makes sense to be protective.  However, if that continues for a long time,…

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Alternatives to Infidelity - Healthy Ways to Regulate Your Emotions

Alternatives to Infidelity – Healthy Ways to Regulate Your Emotions

By | Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Intimacy, Relationships | No Comments

In my last blog, I talked about another way to think about infidelity- Infidelity is a way to regulate our emotions.  Down regulating consists of managing hyperarousal, stress and anxiety. Up-regulating consists of arousing or enlivening ourselves when we feel bored or empty.  I would recommend reading that article before continuing to read this one if you have not read it already.  I am not saying that if you do what I write below- infidelity issues will cease; it is…

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Why People Cheat- Another Look at Infidelity

Why People Cheat- Another Look at Infidelity

By | Commitment, Communication, Family Relationships, Infidelity, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage | No Comments

As a professor and psychotherapist, I have learned some things about early childhood development.  Infants and young children do not have the brain apparatus to regulate their emotions so they utilize their caretaker’s brains basically to do the regulation.  For example, the attuned mother can calm an anxious baby with touch or food or changing a wet diaper.  This is called down-regulation meaning that the mother in these examples helps the child go from a more stressed, inflamed state to…

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