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Sex in the Older Years

By | Communication, Coping, Counseling, Creating More Passion in Marriage, Great Sex, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage, Love, Love advice, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Mind/Body Health, Sex, Todd’s Thursday Thought | No Comments

If we take good care of ourselves, our sexual system can outlast just about every organ system we have. People have the opportunity to enjoy sexual pleasure well into their older years. Couples that have attended to their relationship through the years can enjoy lovemaking based on sexual and emotional maturity, life experiences and a deepening of their intimate relationship. This can all help with some of the following challenges of sexuality in the older years:

  1. Women can develop some vaginal dryness due to hormonal changes such as decreases in estrogen levels. (Lubrications, hormonal balancing and some other medications can help with this challenge).
  2. Men may need more stimulation to get aroused and have orgasms. It is only natural and part of the aging process and like women, it may be due to hormonal changes, in this case- a gradual decrease of testosterone. With emotional maturity comes sensitivity, patience and acceptance of the human condition.
  3. Medical challenges can affect one’s sexuality. Prostate problems for men and hysterectomies for women definitely can affect sexuality. Also, cardiac problems, cancer and fibromyalgia as well as other chronic conditions can affect sexuality.
  4. Prescription drugs can sometimes lower libido and the ability to be aroused and/or orgasm.

I work with many older couples that have one or more of the above challenges. These couples are relieved to realize that there are solutions to these challenges. Sometimes it involves lifestyle changes that can help revive sexual health; sometimes it involves intelligent compromises where people don’t avoid physical intimacy even though they may not be able to do all that they did before. Some couples experience their best sexuality in their older years. Sex increasingly becomes a way to communicate love. There are less hang-ups and less ego. There is often more time to slow down and savor the relationship and each other. Those that are already there – please feel free to comment and share your wisdom. Those that are younger, if you play your cards right, you have much to look forward to!

Sexuality Through the Years

By | Creating More Passion in Marriage, Great Sex, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage, Love, Love advice, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Mind/Body Health, Romance, Sex, Sexy, Videos | No Comments

Sexuality is an important aspect for us throughout our lives. Watch this video to see how it evolves through the decades.

I cover the transitions of life before kids, through kids, physiological changes, on up to maintaining a sexual connection with your partner past the 80s! I’ve included some tips to help the transitions through the many happy years to come.

Here’s to getting the love you want!

Ready for Love? Show tonight featuring Yours Truly!

By | Communication, Conflict Resolution, Counseling, Creating More Passion in Marriage, Great Sex, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage, Love, Love advice, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Relationships, Romance, Sex, Sexy, Successful Marriages, Thriving | No Comments

readyforloveradioshow

 

We will discuss maintaining or adding more passion and intimacy to your long term relationship.

  • Why is it hard to keep passion alive?
  • How to develop “emotional muscle”?
  • Have effective communication
  • Perceptions of your partner
  • What is romance?
  • Keep romance alive in relationship
  • Be courageous & experimental

Turn up the love volume and listen to the show here: http://www.newvisionsradio.com/

Or check out the archive here: www.lovecoachjourney.com/more-passion

Sexuality at Middle Age

By | Creating More Passion in Marriage, Great Sex, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage, Love, Love advice, Marital Advice, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Parenting, Relationships, Romance, Sex, Sexy, Successful Marriages, Todd’s Thursday Thought | One Comment

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Continuing the July theme of Sexuality Through the Years, this brief blog article discusses sexuality at middle age. Middle age is a pretty loose term. For most of us, it covers the time of having adolescent and young adult children, beginnings of perimenopause and menopause, and being empty nesters.

Having adolescents of course is challenging in general but it also challenges our sex life because the bedtimes are later and there are less opportunities to be alone because of that. However, on the other side of things, adolescents typically spend more time away from the house hanging out with friends. Parents need to plan ahead and be opportunistic to have time alone when the opportunities present itself. Of course, getting time away is always a good thing no matter how old your children are.

I will be writing a longer article on sexuality, women and menopause soon. Here I want to briefly say that husbands need to take the sexual symptoms of menopause seriously. Menopause and even perimenopause can decrease sexual desire and arousal. It does not affect all women the same, however; some are less affected than others. There is a decrease in estrogen, which can produce drier vaginas, which in turn can make sex more uncomfortable. The good news is that there are a number of things women can do to remedy this including using lubricants such as KY Jelly and Astroglide, other vaginal moisturizers and vaginal estrogen therapy. All these options should be discussed with your doctor.

Empty nesters can have a revival of their sex life, as they are free to be openly sexual around the house without thought of young ones around. Those couples that have put effort into staying connected through the child-rearing years can enjoy this transition and can use this time to raise the eroticism in the relationship. Those that did not do a good job of staying connected may have a crisis on their hands and need to see a qualified relationship and sex therapist to help them resurrect their aliveness and passion.

Sexuality at middle age can be a far richer sexual experience than in younger years. The reason for this is that hopefully the pair has matured together, weathered some storms together and can have a deep bond that allows for vulnerability and deeper sexual and emotional connection. It can be a time for experimentation and interpersonal risk taking. Those middle agers who have done the inner work of healing their childhood wounds are freer to enjoy mature sexuality and are less prone to act out their earlier interpersonal drams with each other. If you are in middle age and are struggling in your intimate life, please contact me wherever you are. I could help in person, via Skype or via phone. My passion is helping you enjoy passion with your partner.

Relationships are everything!

By | Teleseminar | One Comment

graphic with Sarah and I

As you know, I am passionate and helping people in intimate relationships rediscover and increase their passion. Below are a few examples of what I do:

  • I see couples in person and via Skype to help them overcome their barriers to nurturing, alive relationships
  • I do teleseminars and occasion live workshops to educate and enlighten people about their interpersonal power to make a difference in their relationships.
  • I develop information materials such as books, cd’s and downloadable products about relationships so that you can listen and watch conveniently and as many times as you want.
  • I take the time to nurture my own 30-year marriage and do my best to walk my talk.

I do this because relationships are everything!

By paying attention to the connections around me there are easy ways to create meaningful and mutually beneficial situations right in front of me that I’m determined not to pass up.

Here’s why I’m sharing this with you:

It’s insanely clear to me the power and impact relationships have to make or break your life!

Literally, in everything we do there is an opportunity to create more meaningful and mutually beneficial relationships.

Here’s why it’s imperative you pay attention to the relationships in your life starting NOW!

  1. studies show that your health and the length of your life are directly linked to the level of meaningful connections you have with others, pets and the world around you.
  2. the level of connections you have with others is also correlated to the amount of money in your bank account; and
  3. your hardest relationship offers you the lessons you need to grow and move to where you want to be with ease
  4. and it doesn’t stop there…

Here’s the deal: there is a speaker’s series happening now that will teach you all you need to get the most out of your relationships – it’s called “Maximize Your Platonic, Personal and Professional Relationships Live!

Here’s a quick summary: Over three weeks you’ll get access to 30 speakers as we discuss exercises you can do in less than 30 minutes a day to create meaningful and mutually beneficial relationships in 3 areas of your life.

Week 1: we discuss platonic relationships and lay the foundation for how you can ensure you get the most out of this series.

Week 2: we discuss how to maximize romantic relationships whether it’s with the person you are dating, married to or separated from – there are opportunities to grow, learn and expand in each that we miss all the time. (Of course that is when my interview airs).

Week 3: we discuss how to maximize relationships for professional development and achievement.

This is the quickest and easiest way I know to get you this insanely powerful information!

Join me and learn ways to maximize the relationships in your life right now! 

My interview airs on July 17th. What is the blessing and lesson that is here for you? You’ll never know unless you join me: Click here.

The event started July 6th but you can still join us. You’ll have full access to all the interviews until August 2. Take full advantage – there’s nothing like this out there

Healthy Couples Make for Healthy Children

By | Committment, Communication, Creating More Passion in Marriage, Family, Family Relationships, Great Sex, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage, Marital Advice, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Parenting, Relationships, Romance, Sex, Sexy, Successful Marriages | One Comment

Family Cycling Through A Park

“Are you kidding? You are asking me to be romantic with my husband and to flirt with him? I don’t even have time to go to the bathroom sometimes with my 3 kids running around during the summer. Two are in camps, one has to go to junior lifeguards and my husband is at work all day. By the time I am done with my to-do list, I am beat and have no time for romance and sex.”

“It’s just challenging now. There are layoffs coming and I need to work extra hard and basically be more impressive to my superiors than my coworkers. And then when I get home, my wife needs me to go pick up my daughter at dance and my son at soccer. Then I get home and eat a real late dinner and I am exhausted. And then I am supposed to take some time to be with my wife? I need to decompress, maybe watch one TV show and then go to bed.”

I hear variations of those themes almost every day I am working with couples. In the above examples, the kids are getting in their soccer, their dance, their camps and their junior lifeguards. But what they are not getting are parents who show joy to be around each other. If you were to take those children 20 years from now and ask them- If you had one less activity back then but it allowed your parents to have some time together and you got to see them smiling at each other more – would you choose that? I am telling you the answer would be yes. I am not saying that children shouldn’t have activities; as a matter of fact I am fine with them having all the activities and more that I listed above. As long as the couple has some quality time together on a consistent basis.

Maybe it is not a child’s activity that has to go; maybe it is talking less on the phone with your dependent sister. Or maybe you need to be more assertive with your boss and do your best to get home earlier. Or maybe you make just a little less money as an entrepreneur. (I know many people who refused to make a little less money, their lives got out of balance and then they ended up in a very expensive divorce and were financially far worse off than if they balanced their lives out more when married.)

Or maybe you do not have to give ANYTHING up. Being a healthy couple may take no more than a decision to prioritize attending to each other. I recently had one of those overwhelmed moms in my office who had no time for her husband. I asked her to turn towards her husband and make him feel like a million bucks. She looked at him, smiled and gently touched her husband’s face. His face lit up and he smiled back. I asked what was going on with him. He said- I liked what she did a lot! I asked her how long that took and she answered- about 8 seconds. Yup, 8 seconds to a better marriage- sounds like my next book title!

The important point here is that your children will benefit tremendously when you make being a healthy couple a priority. They will be more relaxed and having parents who outwardly show affection and fondness for each other helps children in ways that we may take for granted. I am not citing research in this blog but you can, I am sure, imagine that as children feel more secure because their parents are happy together, they could do better socially, academically and health-wise as well. And here is another benefit- you both become great role models for their future intimate relationships!

So, in a nutshell, take your kids to dance and soccer and also make sure that they see some outward signs that you both like each other and enjoy each other’s company. It all makes perfect sense now, doesn’t it?

 

Improving Sex Lives for Parents with Young Children

By | Committment, Conflict Resolution, Coping, Counseling, Creating More Passion in Marriage, Family, Family Relationships, Great Sex, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage, Love, Love advice, Marital Advice, Marital Problems, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Parenting, Relationships, Sex, Sexy, Successful Marriages, Thriving, Todd’s Thursday Thought | One Comment

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As I continue my month-long theme of Sexuality Through the Years, today’s blog is about parents who have young children.  These parents are usually still in their sexual prime but there bodies might not feel like it, especially the mom!  Lack of sleep as well as constantly paying attention for the safety and welfare of babies and young children can take a bite out of the erotic side of a marriage.  Here are 7 tips that I have used with many couples that are in this life stage:

  1. Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater (bad expression especially for this article but you get the meaning of that expression).  Maybe you do not have the time or energy today to make slow and long love to your partner but you have time for a 1 minute make out session.  Keep creating an erotic feel in the atmosphere between the two of you even if it is for brief moments.
  2. Get an army of babysitters; not just one or two who may flake out on you at the last minute. Get backup so that you can go out on dates.  Or have the babysitter take the children to a park for an hour or 2 so you and your partner can have some private time at home.
  3. Parenting issues come up and can create conflict between the two parents.  Resolve them the best you can but raising children is a challenge and these conflicts could but do not need to take over the positive feelings.  Don’t let that happen.  If you need to see someone to help navigate through these conflicts, I can be of immense help.
  4. If passion has significantly subsided even before having children, you need to see someone like myself to help you rekindle the passion.  You want your children to have parents who have a positive spark between them.
  5. Men need to be sensitive as the woman goes through her hormonal changes.  Men should not expect women to have their same libido while breastfeeding.  They are hormonally set up to keep a little person alive at that time and not necessarily to have a whole lot of sexual pleasure.  Women vary in the amount of sexual desire they have during this time.  Men need to get educated and be patient.
  6. Get locks on your door so that you’re not worried about a child coming into your room in the middle of a sexual act.
  7. If you are worried about “sexual” noise, stop worrying!  You will not traumatize your child if he or she hears something.  If you are concerned, then practice quiet sex!

Just remember- parents that have a passionate connection with each other have a positive effect on the emotional well being of their child.  Be realistic; you do not have the time and energy you had before young children.  However, make room for sex in your relationship.  Everyone wins when you do that!

Sex in Your 20’s

By | Counseling, Dating, Great Sex, Intimacy, Love, Love advice, Relationships, Sex | No Comments

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The theme in July is Sexuality Through the Years. Today I start with sexuality in your 20’s. The 20’s are rich with opportunities for sexual learning and experiences. These young adults, while enjoying their sexuality, need to make intelligent choices such as the following.

  1. Practice birth control and safe sex. It is a time to enjoy the present without sacrificing your future!
  2. Make good choices of sexual partners. If you are being promiscuous, you may want to get some therapy to discover what is underlying this behavior.
  3. Have boundaries. Kissing does not necessarily mean that you need to have sexual intercourse or oral sex. Do what you feel is right for you.
  4. Learn about sex, what good sex is and even the mechanics. There is much to learn and be open-minded.
  5. Ideally, I recommend to women to follow the three c’s rule which means- no penetration of any kind unless there is commitment, consistency and caring.
  6. Young men need to respect the wishes of their partner and not expect to automatically get what they want sexually.
  7. Learn to be generous in the bedroom. Listen to what your partner wants as well as ask for what you want.

I enjoy working with young people and those that come to see me for relationships issues, including premarital counseling, will save themselves from a lot of pain later on.

7 Ways To Make Sure Your Partner Will Leave You

By | Committment, Communication, Conflict Resolution, Counseling, Creating More Passion in Marriage, Divorce, Great Sex, Healing, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage, Love, Love advice, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Marriage Problems, Romance, Separation, Sex, Sexy, Successful Marriages, Thriving | No Comments

partner-will-leave

One thing I have learned as a marriage and sex therapist is that our role models have fallen short in instructing us how to have a thriving marriage.  It’s not their fault; they just did not know. The good news is that there are guides “out there” and resources inside of each one of us that could help us experience the committed relationship we would love to have.  So read between the lines in this article!

Here are 7 ways to MAKE SURE YOUR PARTNER WILL LEAVE YOU!

  1. Do what is comfortable for you. Don’t extend yourself and only give of yourself when it is convenient.
  2. Do not develop feeling skills, especially, if you are a man. See feelings as a waste of time, listening as unnecessary and believe that there is no need to be careful how you express yourself.
  3. Treat your partner as if he or she is a clone of yourself. Don’t try to be understanding of the differences and insist on constant agreement.
  4. Only arrange dates on your anniversary and each other’s birthday. Otherwise, there are many good TV shows to watch and your evenings can be taken up with surfing the net because there is an abundance of great information out there. Your partner’s need for attention should be trivialized and seen as unimportant.
  5. When it comes to sex, don’t risk, don’t express something new and don’t deviate from your sexual routine.
  6. Focus on the plethora of negative and hurtful things your partner has done. If you forgive, you just may be hurt again, so keep that wall up and then you won’t be so disappointed when your flawed partner doesn’t come through for you once in a while.
  7. Use your partner as a receptacle for your all your pain and frustration. Yell when you are angry and withdraw when you are not getting your way. These fight or flight mechanisms will continue to help you release or avoid your tension even if it destroys your relationship.

If one or more of these “ways” seem familiar, contact me and we can do something about it!