Relationship Toolkit Part 3: Gratitude

By | Communication, Gratefulness, Gratitude, Intimacy, Love, Marital Advice, Marriage Advice, Relationships, Romance | No Comments

This month of November 2016, I have been talking about 3 important tools that need to be in your relationship toolkit.  The first one involved learning you and your partner’s love language and how to speak your partner’s love language.  The second tool was your “romantic muscle.”  Today I am writing to you about gratitude and of course it was timed to come out right on Thanksgiving which is all about gratitude and giving thanks for who and what you…

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The Three Most Important Habits of Happy Couples

The Three Most Important Habits of Happy Couples

By | Committment, Communication, Counseling, Intimacy, Love advice, Marital Advice, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Relationships | No Comments

John and Julia Gottman are the foremost researchers on marriage in the world as far as I am concerned. They have been observing and following couples for over 30 years, watching their behavior, listening to what they say and seeing them on cameras as these couples lived in their “Love Lab,” in Seattle. The couple would be there for several days at a time. They would ask couples 7-10 years later some questions and found the happy couples; the ones…

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Relationship Toolkit Part 2 – Romance

By | Committment, Creating More Passion in Marriage, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage, Marital Advice, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Romance | No Comments

We all have muscles but going to the gym works out those muscles and the muscles can increase in size and strength.  Likewise, we all are romantic, yes- even you engineers! and you need to work out your romantic muscles.  Here is the way to start working out your romantic muscles – Find out what thrills your partner’s soul.  What will make your partner thrilled if you said or did some particular thing?   Is it writing a heartfelt poem, initiating…

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The Five Love Languages

Relationship Toolkit Part 1- The 5 Love Languages

By | Communication, Conflict Resolution, Creating More Passion in Marriage, Five Languages of Love, Great Sex, Long Hot Marriage, Love, Marital Advice, Marriage Advice, Sex | No Comments

One thing I have heard hundreds if not thousands of times is the statement,” No matter how much I give to my partner, it is never enough.”  Here is the truth- we give to our partner the way we want our partner to give to us. The problem with that is what your partner needs to FEEL LOVED is different than what YOU need to feel loved.  I write about that in my book, “The Long Hot Marriage.”  Gary Chapman…

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A man and woman in a park hugging

Your Relationship Toolkit

By | Communication, Holidays, Intimacy, Love Languages, Marital Advice, Marriage Advice, Relationships, Romance, Sexy, Successful Marriages, The 5 Love Languages, The Five Love Languages | No Comments

During this month of November, I will be writing about three things for your Relationship Toolkit.  These tools are 3 of the most effective ways to lift the energy of yourself, your partner and your relationship.  Next week I will be talking about your Love Language.  Credit goes to Gary Chapman who wrote the book, “The Five Love Languages.”  I have done workshops using his ideas and they were total successes.  As you learn and speak the love language of…

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Healing from Trauma: Getting Past Your Past

By | Divorce, Dysfunctional Family, Healing, Marriage Problems, Parenting, Videos | No Comments

Relationships struggle from time to time; it happens. However, if you or a loved one consistently are impeded in your emotional well-being, you might be suffering from trauma. It can be trauma from your childhood, more recent, or even from your relationship itself. No matter how difficult, healing can happen. Check out the latest technique I’ve been learning about that helps quickly erase the effects of living the pain over and over again, and helps you get back to the…

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Healing from a Broken Heart

By | Cheating, Coping, Counseling, Separation, Toxic Relationships | No Comments

Just about all of us have experienced heartbreak.  We can literally feel the pain in our heart when someone breaks up with us.  How can we get over this pain and move on?  Here are 5 steps towards healing from a broken heart. Feel your feelings; don’t avoid them by going quickly into another relationship or drugs or alcohol.  Avoidance will only belabor your anguish.  Slow down and spend time feeling what you are experiencing.  Cry if you need to;…

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Five Rules of Fidelity

3 Ways Caring Relationships Can Help a Trauma Survivor

By | Coping, Counseling, Healing, Love, Mind/Body Health, Relationships, Toxic Relationships | One Comment

Newborns and young babies depend on their caretakers to regulate their emotions until their brain is sufficiently developed to be able to regulate more on their own.  When a person goes through a trauma, there is cortisol shooting through the person’s system and is it difficult to regulate feelings and like the newborn can benefit greatly from supportive caring interpersonal relationships.  One of the most accepted and researched psychological theories is attachment theory which basically states that the primary motivation…

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5 Steps to Recover from the Emotional Trauma of Abuse

By | Coping, Counseling, Healing, Relationships | No Comments

Whether it is physical, sexual or verbal abuse, victims have emotional wounds.  If these wounds make it difficult to move on or you repeat the same victimization over and over again, or you avoid future relationships because of the past, you may have PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder.  The four signs of PTSD as described in the DSM5, the newest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual are: Negative Alterations of Cognition and Mood i.e.- feeling that you are bad or a terrible…

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Toxic Relationship: Couple Quarreling

Verbal Abuse Can Be Subtle and Traumatic

By | Coping, Counseling, Dysfunctional Family, Healing, Relationships, Toxic Relationships | 5 Comments

This article will be written as if the males are the abusers and the females are the victims, which is true according to research the majority of the time.  However, if you are a male that is the victim or a female who is the perpetrator, please just swap the pronouns in your head. It is easy to understand that sexual and physical abuse can be traumatic.   It is also easy to understand that severe verbal abuse (i.e.-yelling, name calling)…

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