Alternatives to Infidelity - Healthy Ways to Regulate Your Emotions

Alternatives to Infidelity – Healthy Ways to Regulate Your Emotions

By | Commitment, Communication, Infidelity, Intimacy, Relationships | No Comments

In my last blog, I talked about another way to think about infidelity- Infidelity is a way to regulate our emotions.  Down regulating consists of managing hyperarousal, stress and anxiety. Up-regulating consists of arousing or enlivening ourselves when we feel bored or empty.  I would recommend reading that article before continuing to read this one if you have not read it already.  I am not saying that if you do what I write below- infidelity issues will cease; it is…

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Why People Cheat- Another Look at Infidelity

Why People Cheat- Another Look at Infidelity

By | Commitment, Communication, Family Relationships, Infidelity, Intimacy, Long Hot Marriage | No Comments

As a professor and psychotherapist, I have learned some things about early childhood development.  Infants and young children do not have the brain apparatus to regulate their emotions so they utilize their caretaker’s brains basically to do the regulation.  For example, the attuned mother can calm an anxious baby with touch or food or changing a wet diaper.  This is called down-regulation meaning that the mother in these examples helps the child go from a more stressed, inflamed state to…

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Why infidelity is a lonely place to be

By | Infidelity, Intimacy | No Comments

In this video I share why infidelity is a lonely place to be.  You'll find out why loneliness causes infidelity and a disconnection with your partner. We live in a very image conscious society so many of us often hold back parts of ourselves because we're afraid to share our authentic self It's a double edge sword...you feel like you can't share all sides of yourself so you disconnect from your relationship.  You commit infidelity and you end up feeling...

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Adult Children of Alcoholics

Adult Children of Alcoholics: 10 Keys to Go From Dysfunctional Family to Thriving

By | Adult Children of Alcoholics, Communication, Dysfunctional Family, Family Problems, Family Relationships, Family Therapy | No Comments

I am writing today about adults who grew up with one or more alcoholic parents. Growing up in a family like this means usually that you grew up in either some kind of chaos or neglect or both.  Since that was the family you grew up in, it may feel “normal’” and it may at first be hard to notice the effects.  However, here are just some of the possible effects of living in an alcoholic home: You are very…

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My Siblings and I Never Talk_7 Tips to Heal and Deal

My Siblings and I Never Talk: 7 Tips to Heal and Deal

By | Communication, Dysfunctional Family, Family Problems, Family Relationships, Toxic Relationships | No Comments

Is your family close? Do you have at least one sibling that you communicate with on a regular basis? If you do, that is wonderful because having good relations with your family can cushion you against the stresses of life as well as help you rejoice in the good times. Being with family members who celebrate holidays together, get together consistently and are there for emotional support has been shown to increase emotional and physical wellbeing. However, what if that…

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3 More Signs You Came from a Dysfunctional Family

By | Dysfunctional Family, Marriage, Marriage Advice, Sexual Dysfunction, Toxic Relationships, Trauma | No Comments

Two years ago, I came out with a video blog- Seven Signs You Came From a Dysfunctional Family. Apparently, it has resonated with many people as indicated by the high number of views. Feel free to watch it here.  I want to add three more “signs” to the list because we tend to blame ourselves or our partner for things that may have been patterns we learned in our family of origin. This month I will be writing and talking…

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How to put a stop to anxiety over your performance

Men: How to put a stop to anxiety over your performance

By | Great Sex, Intimacy, Sex | No Comments

In this video Todd talks about how put a stop to anxiety over your performance in bed. You'll want to watch this video whether you are a man or a woman as Todd dispels common beliefs around intimacy and male performance. He shares what women really want from their partner based upon his 30+ years in private practice working with couples. In this video Todd talks about how put a stop to anxiety over your performance in bed. You'll want to watch this video whether you...

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When a Man Has Low Sexual Desire

When a Man Has Low Sexual Desire: Causes and Solutions

By | Attraction, Long Hot Marriage, Low sexual desire, Marital Advice, Masculinity, Sex, Sexual abuse, Sexy Marriage | No Comments

In my practice, a good proportion of my clients with low sexual desire are men.  This is particularly challenging because men have grown up with the myth that they should always have sexual desire and be ready to pounce on one’s partner at any time.  If that is not the case, it saps the self-esteem of the man and can even preoccupy his thinking. The truth is that men are not machines and there are many factors that could cause…

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Male Sexual Confidence

Male Sexual Confidence: The # 1 Way Men Can Get It

By | Attraction, Communication, Long Hot Marriage, Masculinity, Sexy, Sexy Marriage | No Comments

What is confidence?  One definition is belief in one’s own abilities.  That is great in many areas of life.  However, there are also many areas of life where confidence is NOT just about abilities and the sexual arena is definitely one of those areas.  Why, because- good sex is not about just one person; it is about two people and sex with one person will be very different than sex with someone else.  That other person will have different desires…

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Make Her Want You More

Make Her Want You More: Creating Polarity in Your Relationship

By | Attraction, Communication, Femininity, Long Hot Marriage, Marriage Advice, Masculinity, Sex, Sexual Desire | One Comment

Every relationship is different and there are many ways to create a passionate relationship. One thing I have found though, that is pretty constant in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships: Opposites attract; opposites in the sense of masculine and feminine energies. The masculine in all of you whether you are a man or a woman is the part of you that could “penetrate,” make an impact and lead. The feminine in you is the part that can receive, allow to…

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