Is my relationship toxic?
I have been asked this question many times by clients. So, how do you know if your relationship is toxic? Sometimes it is obvious.
If your partner is yelling or screaming at you, physically abusing you, calling you names or cursing at you regularly, it is pretty easy to figure out.
However, often, it is way subtler than that.
When it is subtle, not only is it harder to get out of the toxic relationship but also the victim feels guilty for how he or she feels.
Here is my message to you. The answer to your question rests inside of you. Your feelings, sensations and inner sense will be your roadmap.
Two disclaimers- First, there are multiple reasons you may feel a certain way so you need to look at the whole picture and possible a number of the tips below to help you get clearer rather than just jump to a conclusion if one tip resonates.
Second, each partner in a relationship affects the other and it is important to look at your patterns to see what you are evoking on the other person. This is not to blame yourself or take responsibility for another person’s hurtful behavior.
However, you still need to understand that we all are reacting to each other and we all need to be mindful and conscious of our effects on other people including our intimate partner.
Nevertheless, not all relationships are right or good for you. Here are 5 tips for spotting toxic relationships by looking at yourself.
1) You constantly feel low self esteem around this other person even though you generally feel good about yourself around other people.
2) You are overly adaptive and feel like if you are assertive you will be punished or shamed in some way. With this, there is also a tendency to feel as if you are always “walking on eggshells.”
3) You have given up doing many things that give you energy such as hobbies you used to do or see friends you enjoyed being with.
4) You keep fantasizing about leaving the relationship and when you do imagine your exit, you feel relieved, enlivened, free or all of the above.
5) You have a sense that something is not right, doesn’t add up or is missing for you in the relationship.
Of course, look at your own patterns that pre-date the relationship.
Make the changes you need to make because you DO have something to do with what is going on. At the same time, trust your instincts and if you are experiencing some of the things I mentioned above, take it seriously and act on your own behalf.
If you are having trouble exiting a toxic relationship, please contact me. I have helped hundreds of people become free from a toxic situation.
You deserve to be healthy, happy and free to be you.